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Attack of the Jamulons! – The Jam Jar of the Worlds

Want to share a Halloween story over video this year? Try this silly sci-fi for size!

Beano Team
Last Updated:  July 1st 2021

Sharing  stories is a great tradition at Halloween and this year, we're giving you everything you need to share some stories in a way that keeps you safe, so we've written a silly, seasonal sci-fi story of our own, which you can share via video calls with friends or family.

You can do the voices for as many of the characters as you want and you can download the pictures to use as  backgrounds while you tell the story - or you can use them for a story of your own.

You will need voices for the following characters...

The Narrator - The person who keeps the story going, the person in chargeDr Mary Boffin-Quark - The hero, a very clever scientist (who likes gross sandwiches)Brian Cox - A celebrity scientist who knows everything about the universeHorace Bonson - The Prime MinisterDominic Goings - The Prime Minister's adviserThe Jamulons - These are the villains! They're aliens from space!The radio - It's a radioThen there are all the sound effects. Be as inventive as you can!Remember: Change the background for every act and whenever you see a word in bold, whoever is in charge of sound effects should make that noise! And don't forget, to download the pictures for your own video call story shares, just click on the image then right click to save.

ACT 1 - Mary’s Lab

Narrator: It was a dark and stormy night, and Dr Mary Boffin-Quark was in her lab. She was eating her usual dinner of strawberry jam and fish paste sandwiches.Mary was wondering if she’d ever be taken seriously as a scientist. People often laughed at her fondness for jam and fish-based snacks, and also made fun of her for believing in a highly-intelligent race of aliens called Jamulons. She sighed, watching the jam fizz as it squished into the fish paste. She thought about how unfair it was that her friend, the TV science guy Brian Cox, was so much more famous than her. Mary had been mates with Brian for years, and she knew for a fact that he ate WAY weirder things than jam and fish paste sandwiches. Ham and pineapple pizzas, for example.Mary wiped the crumbs from her mouth and switched on the radio. It was playing something that sounded like someone's dad farting into a bin. Suddenly the noise was interrupted by an urgent news flash. Radio voice: “Scientists at GNASA have announced an alien spacecraft is approaching Earth. Jam shortages have been reported in all the world’s great places. And also Bury-St-Edmunds for some reason. And now, as the spaceship approaches, there are reports of people behaving very strangely and getting mysteriously sticky hands.” Mary: “It’s the Jamulons! I knew it! I must tell TV science guy Brian Cox - he’s the only person that’ll believe me! In fact, he’s the only one who will answer my calls.  I’d better cycle over to his house now”.

ACT 2 - Brian's Pigeon Palace

Narrator: Dr Boffin-Quark knocked on Brian Cox’s door. For reasons too confusing to explain, the famous TV scientist was currently working in a science laboratory run entirely by pigeons. (coo coo!). After months of pigeon conversation, mainly about the rising cost of breadcrumbs, Brian was very pleased to see another human being.Brain Cox: “Oh Mary! Thank goodness you’re here. We’ve just run out of breadcrumbs and I’ve been banned from all the bread shops in London. It’s a long story and mostly not my fault… But.. hold on. What. Is. that... thing?” Narrator: At that moment, a huge dark shadow moved across London, and the city looked up to see a giant spinning disc hovering over Big Ben. The disc floated there, making a strange humming noise - like an old broken fridge but about a million times louder and much less smelly. Mary (shouting): “Brian - I don’t have much time to explain, but I think this is the Jamulon mothership. They’re a race of aliens from the Good-on-toast Galaxy. They’re incredibly dangerous, in a jammy sort of way, and we need to stop them”Narrator: The TV science guy Brian Cox just stared at her, confused. Mary (grumbling): “I did actually warn everyone that this might happen? Remember? A few years ago? It seems nobody listened to me. Well, we need to tell the Government and they’ll listen to you, Brian - you’re on TV! Well, you are sometimes, but, well, you know what I mean”Narrator: Brian finally understood what was going on. Brian Cox (excitedly) : “Yes! You’re right, Mary, you're right. I am sometimes on TV! Let’s go!”

Act 3 - The Prime Minister's Office

Narrator: Just down the road at Number 10 Downing Street, Prime Minister Horace Bonson was hiding under his bed with his hands over his ears. He liked it there, under his bed - it was safe. He'd been there quite a lot recently. His adviser, Dominic Goings, did't like Horace being under his bed so was trying to get him to come out by poking him with a broom.Dominic Goings: “Mr Bonson! Get out from under there this instant. You need to go meet the Jamulons and stop them from jamming up the planet. Also, you need to do something about your clothes. You can’t face the public wearing a glitter-covered t-shirt that says ‘Unicorns are the best’. It wouldn’t look very Prime Minister-like.Horace Bonson (grumbling): “Alright, alright, I’m coming. You don’t have to say it again.Dominic Goings: “Good, see that you do. Oh, and by the way, between you and me, unicorns are just daft."Narrator: Horace Bonson looked hurt but there was no time to waste. There were Jamulons to meet!

Act 4 - The Big City

Narrator: Back at the alien mothership, everyone was getting a bit bored by now. Things moved much faster on their home planet. But as they’d travelled 8 billion light years they figured they could wait a little longer. A crowd had gathered under the UFO, and finally a hatch opened with a ZYUUUUNK noise. A large, red blob fell from the spacecraft and landed on the pavement with a wet slap. This was a Jamulon.Jamulon: “Greetings Earthlings! I am Emperor Marmaloid. I come in peace - honest. Now, take me to your leader”. Narrator: From out of the crowd, Prime Minister Horace Bonson, still wearing his unicorn t-shirt, nervously stepped forward and introduced himself. Horace Bonson: Greetings, your jam-tabulous magnificence.Jamulon: “Oh, you're the leader, are you? I somehow expected someone a little less, you know... uniocrn-y. Oh well. Anyway, I humbly offer you one of these delicious jam sandwiches. It is a custom on my home planet to accept this gift, and it would be very rude of you to say no!”. Narrator: The Emperor Marmaloid presented Horace Bonson with a plate of jam sandwiches - extra tasty-looking ones.Jamulon: “Look, I’ve even cut the crusts off. Just how you like it.”  Narrator: The Prime Minister licked his lips and gobbled up the sandwiches greedily. As he polished off the last bite, his eyes grew wide, his hands became sticky and he nodded at the alien Emperor, before turning round and began heading back to the Houses of Parliament.As the Prime Minister was leaving the alien ship, Mary and Brian Cox caught up with him. Mary: Prime Minister! Earth is in grave danger! We needed to protect everyone from the Jamulon’s mind control. Narrator: But the Prime Minister wasn’t listening anymore, and as soon as he got back to Downing Street he  passed a new law forcing everyone to eat at least four really jammy sandwiches every day, even Sundays.

Act 5 - The Jam Factory

Narrator: Mary and Brian cycled the streets of London for hours on their squeaky bikes. It was obvious that something was wrong. About half the people they saw looked like jam zombies, and they all had a weird pink goo on their hands. People were queuing up to eat jam sandwiches which were being handed out from government trucks. Brian Cox: if the Jamulons are using these sandwiches as a way of controlling our minds, we need to find an antidote…  but what could it be?”Mary: “Gasp! Brian! You see this sandwich I’m eating? The one with fish paste in? I know it looks gross but look what happens when the fish paste and jam mix. The jam fizzes. What if…what if we could get everyone to eat fish paste instead of jam. That would fry the Jamulon mind-control sandwiches and wake all these jam zombies up. Maybe then we’d have a chance to fight the Jamulons off!”Brian Cox: “Gadzooks! That’s the most scientific thing I’ve heard all week - and I’m a TV science guy! But how do we get people to eat fish paste, Mary?”Narrator: Mary thought back to her childhood, to when her granny used to trick her into eating fish sticks by hiding them in her breakfast cereal. She always used to wonder why her Chocco Flakes tasted fishy, but Mary wouldn't cart - she'd eat them anyway.Mary: “That’s it! We don’t persuade anyone! Nobody would ever actually choose to eat fish paste sandwiches - except for geniuses like me! So we’ll trick them instead. Follow me!” Narrator: Very soon they were outside the Government’s brand-new jam sandwich factory armed with a big bucket of fish paste - the really fishy kind. The jam factory was guarded by soldiers who had vacant stares and sticky hands, and the factory itself made the same humming noise as the spaceship had made, a noise that could only come from advanced alien technology. Or a broken and smelly fridge, which was also quite likely.Brian Cox (panicking and flapping hands): “How will we ever get past those guards?” Mary: “Easy - They’re under the control of the Jamulons, so we just need to pretend we are too. Here, rub this sugar-free turnip jam on your hands and make a face like you’re listening to someone's dad farting into a bin”. Narrator: Brian did as he was told, and the two scientists sneaked past the guards and into the factory. Inside was a huge conveyor belt with bread triangles whizzing along it. Rows of jam zombies stood buttering the bread in silence, and a giant rubber nozzle burped dollops of jam out into the sandwiches. Above the machinery was a huge vat of jam, being watched over by a Jamulon Guard. Mary (whispering): “We need to get to that vat of jam! And Brian, try not to look suspicious with that big bucket of fish paste!”Narrator: Using only their sticky hands and terrible acting skills, Mary and Brian managed to make it all the way up to the vat of jam, high above the factory floor. But ahead of them was the Jamulon Guard - surely their turnip jam disguise wouldn’t work forever?Mary (whispering): “Just stay calm, Brian. All we have to do is dump the fish paste and get out of here”. Narrator: But just as she said the words, the Jamulon Guard started squelching towards them. It spoke in a strange, slurping kind of voice. Jamulon Guard: “Who are you? Identify yourself! You are not Jamulon slaves… you’re... TV science guy Brian Cox! Is that you? I can’t believe it! I’m your biggest fan! Can I get a space selfie?”Narrator: Mary groaned. As if, she thought - Brian’s not that famous. But the Jamulon Guard squelched over to them and started telling Brian how popular he was, not only in the Good-on-toast Galaxy, but also the nearby Sliced Bread Nebula and the far off Oat Milky Way, too. And as Brian Cox and the Jamulon chatted away, Mary took her chance! She quietly rolled the bucket of fish paste into the vat of jam. She listened for a second... heard a delicious fizzing noise below and snuck back to Brian without the Jamulon, or Brian, noticing. Mary: “Well, Brian, that’s very interesting, but we’d better be off now. Got important science stuff to do”. Narrator: The Jamulon looked disappointed, but was still very starstruck and  polite and insisted on showing them to the door. Jamulon Guard: “It was SO lovely to meet you Brian! Oh, and your friend - whatever her name was. See you later, Brian! Bye! Bye! See you.” Narrator: When they were safely away from the Jam Factory, Mary gave Brian a high five.Mary: Yes! We did it! We saved the world!

ACT 6 - A Not-So-Sticky Ending

Narrator: The next day, the Jamulons knew something was wrong. Instead of turning everyone into jam zombies, the sandwiches just made everyone feel ill - and then grumpy. And then outright angry at this Jamulon invasion that had not only made their hands all sticky - it had also made their breath smell like fish. Crowds of people started gathering in London, and started shouting and throwing their fish paste sandwiches at the Jamulon ship. The mind control plan had failed! The Jamulons slurped a loud “harumph!” and the mothership flew back off into space with a ZIIIIIIIIIP! Mary had saved the day! The Prime Minister had recovered and the Jamulons had finally left Earth. TV scientist Brian Cox was even given a new TV show to say thanks by the grateful people of Earth. It was a cooking show and in the first episode, Brian was going to do something special. He was going to show the world how to make... fish paste and jam sandwiches.