Is your dad's car leakier than rusty old boat?
Is it so ancient that it's even got a tape deck in it?
Does it have indicators?
Does it smell worse than a badger's bum!
Has it got enough horsepower to beat an actual horse?
Would a hitch-hiker turn down a lift in it?
Do you duck when you drive past your mates, so they won't see you in it?
Would you have to pay somebody to steal it?
Have you had to give it a push start more times than you've had hot dinners?
When it's cold, does it freeze on the outside AND the inside?