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Catapult Training Zone!

Everything you need to be the best catapultist!

It’s time to get in top catapulting shape with our handy guide! This has everything you need to make sure you’ll be the best catapultist ever! Or at least in your house. 

Work that catapult arm

Your catapult arm is your most precious weapon – don’t let it get out of shape! Make sure to work that arm by lifting weights, small animals and scampi into your mouth

Vigorous exercise routine

You can’t catapult from the sofa! You need to be quick, agile and stealthy, and that only comes with being in peak physical condition. Take up martial arts and slip effortlessly into the shadows!

14 hours of sleep, MINIMUM

Sleep is INCREDIBLY important for any champion catapulter to get into shape. Try and get as much as possible, ideally 24 hours a day, if not more. This will give your brain time to calibrate all the catapult knowledge it has picked up over the day

Diet for catapult champion

Any great athlete needs a healthy diet to keep them in tip top shape. Lots of fruit, vegetables, protein and cereal will help you face your foes! Just don’t fart into the wind. 

Catapult care and upkeep

Catapult’s need to be kept in prime condition. Polish yours everyday, and make sure to rest it in between use. If possible, your catapult should have its own box to make sure you don’t get ketchup or gerbil bedding on it!

Do a jungle gym course

Another great way to make sure you’re ready for battle is to get on the jungle gym or a similar assault course. Plus it will prep you for any catapulting you do in the jungle! Climb along bars, slide under nets and just generally pretend you’re in a training montage in a movie.

Develop keen eyesight

A catapultist is nothing without their keen eyesight. Practise this by staring out the window and trying to spot stuff  – birds, cars, a lollipop lady having a fight with the milkman, anything that you see. 

Learn the history of catapults

Catapulting has an illustrious and important history, and you can’t begin without knowing it. From the romans to medieval knights, catapults have been a vital part of warfare, so get a book and get reading. 

Assemble a top team

There is a wise saying (probably) that goes; ‘They who catapult alone catapult the loneliest’ Basically that means you’ve got to get a top, avengers style team together if you want to catapult with the best. 

Mediate on catapult mantras

Like the greatest zen catapult masters, you must learn to be one with the catapult. You and it are one being, at peace with the universe. Ommmmmmmmm

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