Olive the Dinnerladies?
Once upon a time there was a dinnerlady at Bash Street School. She was called Olive and you could always rely on her to turn a pile of perfectly good ingredients into an uneatable disaster. Even Fatty of the Bash Street Kids would hold his nose when presented with a plateful of her famous Friday Slop with Cold Baked Beans.Bash Street School has more pupils than it used to, so there are two dinnerladies – and they’re both called Olive!Thankfully, Olive Number Two is every bit as bad a cook as OliveNumber One ever was, so there’s no confusion.
Olive Number One
Name: Olive Sprat
Age: It’s rude to ask a lady her age!
Best friends: The Janitor and Fatty
Worst enemy: Walter Brown, who has meals cooked by his dad’s chef and sent to the school
Prized possession: Her ladle, which is reinforced with concrete. Normal ladles snap when asked to lift her soup.
Motto: “A little bit of mould never hurt anybody!”
Super skill: Transforming everyday ingredients into once-in-a-lifetime barf-bombs
Family: Happily married for 62 years to Jack, the thinnest man in Beanotown, Olive has always looked on Class 2B as her special little family
Address: 24 Chunk Terrace, Beanotown
Fact: Olive was supposed to be a contestant on The Great British Bake-Off this year. She was asked to leave the contest after she baked a loaf which was too disgusting to show on telly (even on Channel 4).
Only one of the judges was able to even smell it. Noel Fielding still looks pale to this day, the poor thing.
Olive Number Two
Name: Olive Pratt
Age: You’ll get a thwack with a wooden spoon asking questions like that!
Best friends: Pieface is her special favourite pupil. She makes him potato-free chips , to avoid upsetting Paul. She’s never told anyone what IS in her potato-free chips, and it’s probably best not to ask.
Worst enemy: Cuthbert Cringeworthy, who will never EVER eat anything on the menu but dry toast.
Prized possession: A reinforced wooden spoon, for the same reason as Olive 1 has a reinforced ladle
Motto: “Everybody loves a good Number Two!!”
Super skill: Overcooking the salad
Family: She has a son, Ben, and a daughter, Jerry, who both go to Bash Street School
Address: 57 Heinz Boulevard, Beanotown
Fact: Olive beat 32 other dinner people to get the Bash Street School job, including Greg from Masterchef, Gordon Ramsay and Taylor Swift!