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Coffee Jokes!

Take a sip of our freshly brewed Coffee Jokes. They definitely won't fall flat (white)!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  July 1st 2021

Wake up and smell the coffee jokes. They definitely won't fall flat (white), and if you'd like another slurp at the scalding hot mug of humour select our tea jokes from the beverages menu. We've got loads more laughs on our jokes page too, so sit down, sip your hot drink and check them out!

Three intransitive verbs walk into a coffee shop.

They sit. They drink. They leave!

What is a fox's favourite type of coffee?

A fur-appucino!

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He sipped his Macchiato before it was cool!

What do you call a mug of coffee that doesn't contain a baby cow?

De-calf-inated!

Where do owls go for a cappuccino?

To the nest-cafe!

What’s it called when you pinch someone’s coffee?

Mugging!

I drink so much coffee at work...

I consider it part of my daily grind!

What did the coffee lover say to his coffee?

I've been thinking about you a latte!

Why are coffee beans like Dennis the Menace?

They are always getting grounded!

What’s the opposite of a cup of coffee?

A mug of sneezy!

What do you call it when you think you've already drunk your coffee but it's still in the cup?

Déjà Brew

What did the coffee lover say to his coffee?

I can’t espresso my love for you!

What’s like a giant slug that drinks coffee?

Java the Hutt

I’m about to order a dangerous cup of coffee...

Safe tea first, though!

What do crabs order when they go to a coffee shop?

A crabaccino

Why did the toffee apples meet up over coffee?

To have a candied conversation!

How do aliens pay for coffee?

They use star bucks!

Which Halloween treat will keep you up all night?

apple

A coffee apple!

What happens to a computer when it drinks too much coffee?

It gets wired!

A Roman walks into a cafe...

number jokes

She holds up 2 fingers and says, I'll have 5 coffees please!

Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?

reindeer jokes

He's on a deery-free diet!

Why does Joyce Byers prefer coffee over tea?

She likes stronger things!

How does Batman take his coffee?

Black! Like the night!

Which footballer makes the best coffee?

Diego Costa!

When does coffee taste like mud?

When it's ground!