Food Jokes

A tasty selection of funny food jokes for you to sink your teeth into! Wrap your tongue around the best food jokes here...

Eat up these tasty food jokes and then head over to our banana jokes or egg jokes for more. Or, if you're looking out for something completely different why not check out our funny animal jokes?!

Plus, there's always the Beano Joke Generator for random jokes and puns!

Why are mushrooms invited to parties?

Because they are such fungis!

What do you get if you cross a dog with a vegetable?

A Broc-collie!

What vegetables do sailors hate?


Why do potatoes make good detectives?

Because they keep their eyes peeled!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

What do you call a potato with right angles?

A square root!

What do you call a pogo stick made of veg?

A spring onion!

What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?


What do you say to a loud vegetable?

Turnip down!

What do you call a stolen yam?

A hot potato!

What's small, round, and giggles a lot?

A tickled onion!

Where do chickens grow?

On eggplants!

How did the banana wear her hair?

In bunches!

Why do fungi have to pay double bus fares?

Because they take up too mushroom!

What’s the fastest vegetable?

A runner bean!

Why did the Tomato go out with a prune?

Because he couldn’t find a date!

What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?

Picking his nose!

What vegetable is only slightly cool?

A Rad-ish!

How do you turn soup into gold?

Just add 14 carrots!

What's green and goes to a summer camp?

A Brussels Scout!

Vegetable puns make me feel good.

From my head tomatoes!

What do you call a goat that works in a chip shop?

A battering ram!

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on its summer holiday!

Why did the baby strawberry cry?

Because its Mum was in a jam!

Why did the pancake get arrested?

It had committed multiple unwaffle actions!

When does bread rise?

When you yeast expect it!

Why did bread break up with margerine?

For a butter love!

How does a train eat?

Chew chew!

Have you heard about the new restaurant called karma?

There's no menu, you just get what you deserve!

What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?

Your teeth!

What happens after you rub ketchup in your eyes?

You feel silly in Heinz sight!

What does a duck that's made of avocado say?


What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?

A hot frog!

What is a nuclear physicist's favourite meal?

Fission chips!

Why is a bear big, brown and hairy?

Because if it was small, smooth and white... it would be an egg!

What is a turkey’s favourite dessert?

Peach gobbler!

Why does Mary Poppins' umberella fly?

Because it can't walk!

If you have a referee in rugby, what do you have in bowls?


What do iPhones eat for breakfast?


Why do footballers struggle to eat sandwiches?

They think they can't use their hands!

What does Dr Who eat with their pizza?

Dalek bread!

Why did Snow White hate the evil queen?

Because she was a bad apple!

What do you give a sausage dog with a fever?

Mustard - it's the best thing for a hot dog!

A friend told me that all apples are yellow...

I told him, 'that's bananas!'

What's yellow and goes bzzz?

An electric lemon!

What did the banana say to the monkey?

Nothing, bananas can't talk!

What do you call a shoe that's made out of banana?

A slipper!

What type of food is a duck and mole put together?


How much food does a cat have at breakfast?

A meow-thful!

Did you hear the rumour about butter?

Well, I’m not going to spread it!

Why does Captain Hook eat ready meals?

Because he can never get to a pan!

Where do you learn to make ice cream?

Sundae school!

What is a Creeper's favourite food?


What's the best salad to serve on Guy Fawkes' Night?


How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

It wasn't peeling well!

What's the saddest type of cheese?

Blue cheese!

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?


What kind of music does cheese listen to?


In tennis, what do you serve but never eat?

Tennis balls!

Waiter, what's your thumb doing on my steak?

I didn't want it to fall on the floor again…

Why do potatoes make great crime fighters?

Because they always keep their eyes peeled!

What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas?

Tis the season to be jelly!

Doctor, doctor! I’ve got a mince pie stuck up my nose!

What you need is some cream!

What's the best thing to put into a Christmas cake?

Your teeth!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even!

Mum's spaghetti got in the Guinness Book of Records...

I hope she cleans the pages!

I'm writing a book about banana peels...

It's non-friction!

Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy!

What's a dog’s favourite kind of pizza?


Why did the onion need help?

It was in a pickle!

Doctor, doctor! I've a strawberry stuck in my ear!

Don't worry, I've some cream for that!

Why did the bread go to the doctor?

It was feeling crummy!

What’s yellow and sniffs?

A banana with a cold!

This egg is bad!

Don't blame me, I only laid the table!

What do you give an injured fruit?


Doctor, doctor! I feel like a carrot!

Don't get yourself in a stew!

Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

It ran out of juice!

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn't peeling well!

What’s the difference between an orange and a walrus?

Give it a squeeze. If you don’t get orange juice, it’s a walrus!

Why is history like a fruit cake?

It's full of dates!

What’s angry and goes with custard?

Apple grumble!

What does a clock do when it is hungry?

It goes back four seconds!

What did the egg say to the mixer?

I know when I'm beaten!

How do monsters like their eggs?


What’s the fastest vegetable?

A runner bean!

What do you get when a dinosaur walks through a strawberry patch?

Strawberry jam!

Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?

Because they peel!

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

What do you call alien eggs?


What’s the difference between teachers and sweets?

Kids like sweets!

What do you eat when you're cold and angry?

A brr-grr!

Doctor, doctor! I've gone all crumbly, like a cheese biscuit...

You're crackers!

What do you call a man with gravy and potatoes on his head?


What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?

Roost beef!

Who was the scariest cake?

Attila the Bun!

What do you call a Triceratops with carrots in its ears?

Anything you like, it can't hear you!

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese!

Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillows?

He wanted to have sweet dreams!

How do clowns like their eggs cooked?

Funny side up!

What do you call an adventurous egg?

An eggs-plorer!

Where do eggs go when they visit the USA?

New Yolk!

Why shouldn’t you tease egg whites?

They can't take a yolk!

Which footballer makes the best coffee?

Diego Costa!

Why did the strawberry cry?

It was in a jam!

When does coffee taste like mud?

When it's ground!

What do Noah and a tin can have in common?

They both preserve pears!

Which is the best day to cook bacon?


Who tells the funniest egg jokes?


Which cheese is made backwards?


What’s a Canadian’s favourite dessert?

Chocolate moose!

What do you call a mischievous egg?

A practical yolker!

What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey!

What do you do if you see a blue banana?

Try to cheer it up!

What is the easiest way to make a banana split?

Cut it in half!

What do you call a pistachio on a spaceship?

An astro-nut!

Why did the T-rex eat raw meat?

Because its itty-bitty arms couldn't work the oven!

What happens when an egg hears a joke?

It cracks up!

Where do tough chickens come from?

Hard-boiled eggs!

Why did the Easter egg hide?

It was a little chicken!

What do you get if you cross a cheetah with a burger?

Fast food!

Why are bananas never lonely?

They hang around in bunches!

What's the best kind of cheese to use to disguise a small horse?


Why did the pie got to the dentist?

He needed a filling!

What is a sausage’s favourite kind of music?

Rock and sausage roll!

What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

You can roast beef!

What does Santa eat for breakfast?

Mistle toast!

Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?

So you can say "Merry Crispness"!

This turkey tastes like an old sofa...

Well, I thought you liked stuffing!

What wobbles and flies?

A jelly-copter!

What do cavemen like on their chips?


What is white and giggles?

A tickled onion!

What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus?

The strawberry is red!

Did you hear about the salad race?

The lettuce was ahead and the tomato tried to ketchup!

What do cats have for breakfast?

Mice Krispies!

What does salad say at church?

Lettuce pray!

What is the best thing to put in a pie?

Your pearly whites!

What kind of bagel can fly?

A plain bagel!

How do you make a sausage roll?

Push it down a hill!

Why are fish and chip shops always full?

Because the fish fillet!

What’s the difference between an elephant and a biscuit?

You can't dip an elephant in your tea!

Why shouldn’t you use paper plates?

They're tearable!

What vegetables should you never bring on a boat?


What did the grape do when it was sat on?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ?

A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!

Which vegetables go best with jacket potatoes?

Button mushrooms!

What do cornflakes wear on their feet?


What is yellow and clicks?

A ballpoint banana!

How do you make the best gold soup?

Use 24 carrots!

What’s purple and hums?

A rotten plum!

What did one sausage say to the other?

You're the wurst!

What kind of nut always has a cold?

A cashew!

What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner’s on me!

More stuff