Skip to main content

Diary of a Bash Street Kid – Erbert

Ever wondered what a week in Bash Street School is like?

Beano Team
Last Updated:  August 12th 2016


I might need new glasses. Today in class Teacher had something wrong with his voice. It was much screechier than normal. Well, that's that’s what I thought until Miss Creecher told me I was sitting in the wrong class. I guess it’s better than that time they turned all the lights out and Teacher turned into a dinosaur. I wasn’t in class, I was sitting in the cinema.


Today I was in the right class. I know this because I fell asleep. There is nothing in the world more boring and relaxing than the sound of Teacher's voice. It’s like a lullaby. I won’t need a job when I’m older. I’m going to record Teacher's voice and sell it as an app parents can play to their screaming babies to send them to sleep.


Teacher's voice is boring but I like listening to Plug. When he speaks he sounds like an action hero. I’m guessing he must look like one too, although strangely the girls seem to try to avoid him. Maybe they’re shy or something. Smiffy is weird to listen to. I can understand the words he says but not the order he puts them in. He’s either a complete idiot or a genius. Or a complete idiot.


This morning they turned out the lights in class and teacher turned into an alien. Which meant I was at the cinema again. It’s not my fault. Mum drops me off. I think maybe she needs new glasses too. Maybe she shouldn’t drive? The seats are still wet from that time she parked the car in the duck pond in Beanotown Park.


There’s a problem with my Teacher's voice lullaby app. I secretly recorded Teacher on my phone and played it back to my parents as a test. Sure enough, they fell asleep in no time, but I forgot to cover my own ears and fell asleep too. Three minutes later we were all woken up when Teacher started shouting 'YOU, BOY. WAKE UP!'. I had accidentally recorded him shouting at me to wake me up!I'm pretty sure nobody will want an app which sends babies to sleep then shouts 'YOU, BOY - WAKE UP!' at them three minutes later.