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How To Avoid Homework

Hate homework? Take these tips from the world’s best avoider of homework… Dennis! (With some suggestions by Gnasher)

We get it, homework is RUBBISH! But don’t worry, here’s a few ideas to make sure you never have to do it again! 

Feed it to the dog (But not really)

Extra maths homework tastes even worse than Olive’s cooking, but if you draw a big picture of a sausage on the page, then the dog will scoff it down! Works for Gnasher, but then again he is a silly dog.

Suddenly become French

Quoi? Je ne parle pas anglais! After all, if you can’t speak English, you can’t do your homework! This probably won’t work if it’s French homework, though, in which case you’ll have to pretend to be German.

Post your homework to yourself

Tell the teacher that to make sure it gets home safely, you’ll be posting your homework home from now on. But by the time it gets there, it’s too late to do it! Oh well! More time to play Minecraft!

Pay a genuis to do it for you

Find a local nerd and offer them payment to do your homework for you! Nerds like to hang out in libraries and…well, just libraries really.Note – they usually like to be paid in soft mints, chocolate buttons and bad poetry, so don’t worry if you don’t have a lot of cash. 

Tell the teacher you’re allergic to homework

Oh no, you’ve suddenly developed a terrible allergy to ink and paper! And laptops! Forge a doctors note saying you can’t possibly be allowed anywhere near a pen, and sit back and relax!

Say you have ‘Homework blindless’

Yes, this is a REAL condition that we just made up. Like snow blindness, it’s a temporary disorder that unfortunately means your brain can’t register the homework in front of you. Get some snow goggles for authenticity. 

Turn your homework into artwork

Become a master origami and collage artist and turn your homework into beautiful sculptures. If your teacher complains you can say they’re trying to destroy a precious national treasure and they can be arrested if they try and tamper with it. 

Send your homework to space

Tell the teacher you have been selected for a special new space programme which chooses ten lucky kids from all over the world to send their homework to space, so aliens can see what homework looks like. Of course you’ve DONE it, but sadly the teacher can’t look at it to check because…it’s in space. 

Make sweet music

Paper homework can easily be rolled into a trumpet, and now you’re a musician! You can’t write on it NOW, you have to entertain your fans! Sorry teacher!

Say your mum doesn’t believe in homework

Tell your teacher that your mum thinks homework is the suppressive actions of a neo-capitalist system and therefore you’re not allowed to do it. (This may not work). 

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