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Beano Comic

20 Liverpool Jokes That Show No Mersey!

Here are 20 howlers from the best team on Merseyside! Sorry, Everton fans!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  July 18th 2024

Liverpool are one of the greatest teams in the Premier League, if not the world! But that doesn't mean we can poke some fun at the mighty Merseyside side. Right, Everton fans?

Which team are Liverpool's chewiest rivals? 

The Toffees!

What part of a Anfield smells nicest?

The scenter spot!

Why aren't the Liverpool football team allowed to own a dog?

Because they can't hold onto a lead!

A French bulldog puppy

Why did Mo Salah do well in school? 

He knew how to use his head!

Why was Virgil van Dijk upset on his birthday? 

They got a red card!

I found a couple of Liverpool tickets nailed to a tree...

Great, a free nail!

What’s the difference between The Invisible Man and Liverpool?

You’ve got more chance of seeing The Invisible Man at the Champions League final!

Which football manager do Liverpool players fear the most?

A Guard-iola dog!

What is Alisson Becker's least favourite drink?


Alisson Becker

What is red and white and red and white and red and white and red and white?

A Liverpool player rolling on the floor!

How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just sit there and say how they almost changed it!

What happened when a horse ran into Liverpool FC’s training ground?

None of the players were hurt, but it clipped Klopp!

What do Liverpool and a referee have in common?

Both compete to decide who is worse on match day!

A referee

Why do ducks fly upside down over Anfield?

So they don't have to watch Liverpool play!

What's healthy and scores a lot of goals?

Fruit Salah!

What do you call a bad seat at Anfield?

One that faces the pitch!

Which ship rarely docks in Liverpool?

The Premiership!

What does a Liverpool fan do when his team has won the Champions League?

They turn off the Xbox!

A goat and some gaming controllers

What do I have in common with Liverpool? 

Next week, we'll both be watching the Champions League final on television!

A football fan singing on a sofa, with a robot in the background

Why don't they drink tea at Anfield? 

Because all the cups are in Manchester!