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20 Man Utd Jokes that are Devilishly Funny!

Here's some jokes about the second best football team in Manchester!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  April 17th 2024

Manchester is the home of one of the greatest teams in English football. And the other is Manchester United! We're only joking. Here's another hilarious 20 jokes poking fun at the mighty Red Devils!

Why did Andre Onana spend ages his laptop?

He couldn't stop saving his work!

What's the chilliest football ground?

Cold Trafford!

Why did Man United travel to Liverpool?

Four nothing!

A football commentator

What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ?

A triangle has three points!

Why did goalie Andre Onana go to the laundrette?

He had no clean sheets!

Old Trafford's phone number ends with 1010...

That's won-nothing-won-nothing!

What is red and white and red and white and red and white and red and white?

A Manchester United player rolling in the box!

What do you call a funny football manager?

Erik ten Ha-ha-hag!

A football manager

What tea does Bruno Fernandes drink? 

Penal-tea!

How does Rashford stay cool during Premier Leaguematches?

He stands in front of his fans!

What did Erik ten Hag do when Old Trafford became flooded?

He sent on his subs!

A football in space

Why did the Man Utd fan bring a pencil and paper to the match?

They were hoping for a draw!

What does a Manchester United fan do when his team has won the Champions League?

They turn off the PlayStation!

What is the difference between a Man Utd supporter and a baby?

A baby stops whinging after a while!

A baby holding a football in a big stadium

Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford? 

All the cups are at Manchester City’s ground!

I set my email password to ‘ManUtdDefence’… 

It said it was too weak!

A cat looking at a computer

How do you confuse a Manchester United fan?

Show them a map of Manchester!

What’s the difference between Manchester United and a tea bag?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer!

Did you hear that Manchester United doesn't have a website? 

They can't string three Ws together!

A football on the touchline

What do Manchester United and a 3-pin plug have in common?

They're both useless in Europe!