Skip to main content
Subscribe to our Beano comic! Click Here
Beano Comic

20 Erling Haaland Jokes That'll Win the HA Cup!

If you enjoy laughing and Manchester City goal machines, then you'll love these Erling Haaland jokes!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  December 1st 2023

Erling Haaland seems to score more goals than anyone else on the planet right now. When he's not hitting the back of the net for Manchester City, he's terrifying defenders for Norway too. Here's 20 jokes that guaranteed to send the crowd into a frenzy of belly-laughs!

Why does Erling Haaland always do better in the second half?

He gets a Pep talk!

Why did Erling Haaland do so well at school?

He knew when to use his head and pass!

A football in a stadium

What's Erling Haaland's least favourite snack?

Beans on post!

Baked beans

Did you hear about the time Erling Haaland got tackled by a chicken?

It was a fowl!

What's the difference between a cup of tea and Norway in the Euros?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer!

Why did Erling Haaland hold his boot to his ear?

He wanted to listen to some sole music!

Which footballer do sheep love watching the most?

Erling Baa-land!

How many Manchester City rivals does it take to screw in a light bulb? 

None – they'll always be in their shadow!

What does Erling Haaland do after missing an easy goal?

Turns off his games console!

What do you call a funny Man City player?

Erling Ha-ha-land!

Erling Haaland jokes

What kind of boat does Haaland own?

The Premiership!

A footballer and a cat

Why doesn't Erling Haaland listen to music during the football season?

Because he breaks records too easily!

Why did Erling Haaland not score during a Halloween match?

He was scared of the ghoul keeper!

Why doesn't Erling Haaland play football matches in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs!

Cheetah facts

How does Erling Haaland stay cool during a football match?

He stands next to his fans!

How did Erling Haaland's parents know he'd be a footballer?

He was always dribbling when he was a baby!

A baby holding a football in a big stadium

What is Erling Haaland's favourite drink?


A football in space

Why is Erling Haaland like a magician?

He can do hat tricks!

Why was Erling Haaland upset on his birthday?

Someone gave him a red card!

Why does Erling Haaland always smell nice?

He's a scent-er forward!