Sports Jokes

Score comedy goals with funny sport jokes from Beano!

Armed with these top sport jokes you WIN! Fill your goals with these gags.

From the rugby field to the tennis court, we've got sports jokes whatever you're into.

When you're done here, don't miss out on our epic football jokes!

Why don't fish play football?

They're scared of nets!

When does a British tennis match end?

When it's Wimble-DONE!

What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball?

See you round!

What time do tennis players go to bed?

Tennish!

In tennis, what do you serve but never eat?

Tennis balls!

Where do tennis players go to dance?

A tennis ball!

Why should you never marry a tennis player?

Because, to them, love means nothing!

What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette!

Which athlete is warmest in winter?

A long jumper!

How did Scrooge end up with the football?

The ghost of Christmas passed!

Did you hear about the football pitch NASA built on the moon?

They used astroturf!

I wish I had a book about boomerangs...

I lent out my last one but it never came back!

Doctor, doctor! They've dropped me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers…

Don't worry, what you have is not catching!

Why do golfers wear two pairs of shorts?

In case they get a hole in one!

What kind of horse is good at swimming?

A seahorse!

Why couldn’t Cinderella play cricket?

She always ran away from the ball!

Why shouldn't you tell jokes when ice-skating?

The ice might crack up!

What blows at 100mph and always scores?

A Harrykane!

Who's the most dangerous footballer?

Eden Hazard!

Why is Ronaldo's bedroom always tidy?

Because he's not Messi!

Who's the slipperiest footballer?

Antoine GREASE-man!

Who was the horse's favourite footballer?

NEIGH-mar!

What's healthy and scores a lot of goals?

Fruit Salah!

Which footballer makes the best coffee?

Diego Costa!

Who was the sheep's favourite footballer?

Paul PogBAAA!

What sport is a Brontosaurus good at?

Squash!

What's the chilliest football ground?

Cold Trafford!

Why can’t Cinderella play football?

Her coach is a pumpkin!

Which football team loves ice cream?

Aston Vanilla!

Why couldn't the car play football?

It only had one boot!

Why don’t fish play tennis?

They’re scared of the net!

Are lightning bolts good at football?

No, they're shocking!

Why are basketball players messy eaters?

They're always dribbling!

How do footballers stay cool?

They sit next to their fans!

What animal is best at baseball?

A bat!

Who's scaly, cold-blooded and plays at Stamford Bridge?

Eden Lizard!

Mauricio Pochettino must have hurt his leg...

He always uses a Kane!

What should you do if Liverpool's midfield steal your car?

Call the Klopps!

What's the best way to protect your house from bad football?

A Guard-iola dog!

What is Man United's goalie's best feature?

De Gea!

When does Anfield sound like a horse?

When the Kop clap Klopp!

Why are Man City better than Everton?

They have twice as much Silva!

Why doesn't Jurgen Klopp eat meat?

He prefers Salah!

When is a football pitch like a triangle?

When somebody takes a corner!

What kind of tea do football players drink?

Penaltea!

Why is Messi like a magician?

He has loads of hat tricks!

Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because every player raises a racket!

What kind of race is never run?

A swimming race!

Doctor, doctor! I've got a cricket ball stuck in my bottom. How's that?

Oh, don't you start...

Why was the footballer covered in spit?

He was always dribbling!

If you liked this, then you should try watching Discover How England Will Do in the Football with Our Amazing Predictor!

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