Football Jokes

Our pick of the best funny football jokes!

The beautiful game might sometimes make you pull your hair out, but our funny football jokes will help to put a grin on your face. These are the best football jokes from Beano!

When you're done here, you'll be a fan of our super sports jokes too. Or check out our epic FIFA jokes!

Why don't fish play football?

They're scared of nets!

Did you hear about the football pitch NASA built on the moon?

They used astroturf!

What blows at 100mph and always scores?

A Harrykane!

Who's the most dangerous footballer?

Eden Hazard!

Why is Ronaldo's bedroom always tidy?

Because he's not Messi!

Who's the slipperiest footballer?

Antoine GREASE-man!

Who was the horse's favourite footballer?


What's healthy and scores a lot of goals?

Fruit Salah!

Which footballer makes the best coffee?

Diego Costa!

Who was the sheep's favourite footballer?

Paul PogBAAA!

What's the chilliest football ground?

Cold Trafford!

Why can’t Cinderella play football?

Her coach is a pumpkin!

Which football team loves ice cream?

Aston Vanilla!

Why couldn't the car play football?

It only had one boot!

Are lightning bolts good at football?

No, they're shocking!

How do footballers stay cool?

They sit next to their fans!

Why should you never break up with a football?

Because they're keepers!

How did Scrooge end up with the football?

The ghost of Christmas passed!

Who's scaly, cold-blooded and plays at Stamford Bridge?

Eden Lizard!

Mauricio Pochettino must have hurt his leg...

He always uses a Kane!

Next up: sports jokes, link from football jokes. Man putting basketball into net.

If you liked this, then you should try watching Discover How England Will Do in the Football with Our Amazing Predictor!

More stuff