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44 Santa Jokes to Leave You Feeling Jolly

Funny Santa jokes from Beano. All the Santa Claus jokes you need for a merry Christmas...

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  July 1st 2021
Nothing says Christmas like these seriously funny Santa jokes. Need more? We've got 100+ Christmas jokes, not to mention some of the best Christmas cracker jokes too.

How do you wash your hands at Christmas?

Laughing Father Christmas sitting down with his right hand in the air

With hand Santatizer!

Why does Santa like his reindeer to have antlers?

So he can get better tv reception in the sleigh!

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa Claus as he left on Christmas Eve?

I think it's going to rain, dear!

What are Santa's favourite crisps?

Kringles!

What do you call a crab that eats mince pies?

Santa Claws

What do you call Santa Clause's reindeer wranglers?

reindeer jokes

Jolly ranchers!

Whats the difference between a knight and Santa’s reindeer?

reindeer jokes

The knight is slayin the dragon, and the reindeer are dragon the sleigh!

Why doesn't Santa use reindeer milk in his coffee?

reindeer jokes

He's on a deery-free diet!

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh and reindeer?

reindeer jokes

Nothing, it's on the house!

Who brings teeth gifts for Christmas?

Santa Floss!

What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses!

Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?

elf jokes

Because he has private elf care!

What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?

christmas jokes

A Christmas quacker!

Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?

christmas jokes

Dancer!

What do you call a cat who works for Santa?

Santa Claws!

What does Santa spend his wages on?

Jingle bills!

Where does Santa stay when he’s on holiday?

Santa jokes

In a ho-ho-hotel!

Where does Santa go when he's sick?

christmas jokes

To the elf centre!

Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food?

elf jokes

Because it’s bad for your elf!

Who delivers Christmas presents to baby sharks?

Santa Jaws!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?

elf jokes

Because he had low elf esteem!

Who is Santa's all-time favourite pop singer?

elf jokes

Elf-is Presley!

What do you call Santa when he's on a tea break?

what do you call jokes

Santa Pause!

Doctor, doctor! I’m scared of Father Christmas!

You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia!

Who delivers your dog’s Christmas presents?

Santa Paws!

What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?

Saint Knickerless!

What does Santa use to bake cakes?

elf jokes

Elf-raising flour!

What says "Oh Oh Oh"?

Santa walking backwards!

How does Santa feel when he gets stuck up a chimney?

Claustrophobic!

What nationality is Santa?

North Polish!

What does Santa eat for breakfast?

Mistle toast!

What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?

Sant Applause!

Who forgets to put on his underpants, then goes out to deliver presents?

Saint Knicker-less!

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate clauses!

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it 'soots' him!

What did the sea say to Santa?

Nothing! It just waved!

How much did Santa's sleigh cost?

Nothing - it was on the house!

How many presents can Santa fit into an empty sack?

Only one - after that, it isn't empty!

How do you know if Santa's in your house?

You can sense his presents!

How good is Santa at karate?

He has a black belt!

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish!

What's red and white, red and white, red and white?

Santa rolling down a hill!

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Nothing, it was on the house!

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!

What is Santa's sister called?

Mary Christmas!

Santa - link from Santa jokes to Christmas jokes