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54 Christmas Cracker Jokes to Make You Merry

Cracking cracker jokes! Brace yourself for the best jokes that ever popped out of Christmas cracker.

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  July 6th 2021

Crack a smile and the funniest Christmas cracker jokes!

Christmas cracker jokes have a bit of a bad reputation, but we're here to fix that. Fill your stockings (well... your crackers) with these, the best Christmas cracker jokes you'll find outside of the North Pole.

Plus our elves have selected epic Christmas jokes and Santa jokes for you to enjoy too.

What do cats call an aquarium?

Two grinning cats on a blue spotted background

A sushi bar!

What did the pineapple say to the salad?

Laughing pineapple and lettuce

Lettuce be friends!

Where do penguins keep their savings?

Penguin and coins

In a snow bank!

I gave my parrot a cracker the other day.

Not sure it suited the paper hat though!

What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?

Picking his nose!

When is a turkey dinner bad for your health?

Christmas dinner jokes

When you're the turkey!

Why did the turkey join the band?

Christmas dinner jokes

Because it had the drumsticks!

What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?

Christmas dinner jokes

Copy and basting!

What do you get if you cross a Turkey and a centipede?

Christmas dinner jokes

Drumsticks for everyone at Christmas!

How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas turkey?

Christmas Dinner Jokes

On the dark side!

What did the turkey say to the hunter on Christmas?

Christmas dinner jokes

Quack, quack!

What do ducks do before Christmas dinner?

Christmas dinner jokes

Pull their Christmas quackers!

What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?

Christmas dinner jokes

You get tinsel-itis!

What did the big cracker say to the small cracker during the Christmas Eve dinner?

Christmas dinner jokes

My pop is bigger than yours!

What do you sing at Santa's birthday party?

Christmas carol jokes

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What's a parent's favourite Christmas carol?

Christmas Carol Jokes

Silent night!

Who brings teeth gifts for Christmas?

Santa Floss!

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?

sheep jokes

Merry Christmas to ewe!

Why didn’t the Christmas tree perform well on it’s algebra test?

It got stumped by all the questions!

How do you turn a Christmas tree into a reindeer?

You decorate it with HORNaments!

What should you never eat on New Year’s Eve?

new year jokes

Fire Crackers!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Mary and Abbie! Mary and Abbie who?

Mary Christmas and a Abby new year!

What kind of androids do you find in the arctic?

Snobots!

How does a Penguin build a LEGO house?

Igloos it together!

Why wouldn’t Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant?

It cost a pretty penne!

What does Elsa put in Olaf's stocking for Christmas?

A lump of Cold!

Why did the desert animals get no Christmas presents last year?

Because the lion had sandy claws!

Why did nobody bid for Donner and Blitzen on eBay?

They were two deer!

Which Christmas carol do dogs like best?

christmas jokes

Bark the Herald Angels Sing!

Did you hear about the cheesy comedian?

He had some crackers!

What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?

christmas jokes

A Christmas quacker!

Which one of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?

christmas jokes

Dancer!

What do you call a cat who works for Santa?

Santa Claws!

How long are an elf’s legs?

elf jokes

Just long enough to reach the ground!

What does Santa spend his wages on?

Jingle bills!

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even!

Why was the snowman rummaging in the bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose!

What do you call Rudolph with tinsel in his ears?

Anything you want, he can't hear you!

Why didn’t Rudolph go to school?

He was elf-taught!

Where does Santa go when he's sick?

christmas jokes

To the elf centre!

Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food?

elf jokes

Because it’s bad for your elf!

Doctor, doctor! I’m scared of Father Christmas!

You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia!

What reindeer has the worst manners?

animal jokes

Rude-olph!

Doctor, doctor! I've gone all crumbly, like a cheese biscuit...

You're crackers!

What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet!

What says "Oh Oh Oh"?

Santa walking backwards!

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Ice Krispies!

What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?

Stick with me and we'll go places!

Why is a broken drum an excellent Christmas present?

You can't beat it!

What do you call an old snowman?

A puddle!

How many letters are there in the Christmas alphabet?

25 - there's no L!

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it 'soots' him!

What goes 'Oh oh oh!'?

Santa, when he puts the sleigh in reverse!

Santa - link to Christmas jokes from Christmas cracker jokes