Fish Jokes

We're clown-fishing around with these funny fish jokes...

Laughter comes in waves with these funny fish jokes. If you like your jokes a little drier, we've got jokes from every corner of the animal kingdom... or pluck out a random joke from the Beano Joke Generator.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fishually impaired!

Two fish are sitting in a tank...

One looks at the other and says, "Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?!"

How does a squid go into battle?

Well armed!

What did the shark say after eating a clown fish?

This tastes a little funny!

What did the shark say when he was accused of hitting his brother?

Not gill-ty!

What's a sharks favourite movie?

Shaw-shark Redemption!

What is a Great White shark's favourite kind of sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish!

What did the Mum shark say to the kid shark?

Watch that sharkasm, young man!

What do sharks do when they have a big choice to make?

Chews wisely!

What did the shark say to the other shark?

There's some-fin special about you!

How does a shark greet a fish?

Pleased to eat you!

Where do sharks go on vacation?


What do sharks order at McDonalds?

A quarter flounder with cheese!

What happened when the shark got famous?

He became a starfish!

Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.

When I woke up I realized it was just a bream!

Why did the crab never share?

Because he's shellfish!

How do you make a goldfish age?

Take out the G and Fish!

Why don’t shellfish share?

Because they’re shellfish!

Which musical instrument is the best at catching fish?

A clarinet!

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other…

Do you know how to drive this thing?!

Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank!

Why don't fish like computers?

They're scared of the net!

Why don't fish play football?

They're scared of nets!

What do you call fish with no eyes?

A fsh!

Where do fish sleep?

On the sea bed!

What’s the most musical part of a fish?

The scales!

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can't tuna fish!

What is the best way to get in touch with a fish?

Drop it a line!

What do sea monsters eat?

Fish and ships!

Why don’t fish play tennis?

They’re scared of the net!

Doctor, doctor I've swallowed a fish bone. Are you choking?

No, I really did!

What do you call a shark with a tie?


What’s the most famous fish?

A star-fish!

Which part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales!

Why do fish live in salt water?

Pepper makes them sneeze!

What do fish use to help them hear?

A herring aid!

What kind of fish performs operations?

A sturgeon!

There were two goldfish in a tank. What did one say to the other?

How do you drive this thing?

Which musical instruments can catch fish?


Where do fish keep their money?


A raccoon playing a guitar - follow the link from fish jokes to our animal jokes

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