Funny jokes are our thing. Down below you’ll find a cracking selection of jokes from Beano’s comedy kings and queens. We’ve been publishing the Beano comic, bursting with belly-wobbling pranks and funny jokes, for quite a while – we know at thing or 2,000 about what makes a joke funny!
These jokes are for anyone who likes a laugh, no matter your taste in jokes you’re bound to find some here that will put a smile on your face. What do you look for in a funny joke? Why not try these out on a friend or family member? Funny jokes like these are great for bringing people together. Can anyone guess the punchline? Can YOU keep a straight face? Not with these high quality, fresh out of the box funny jokes you can’t…
We’ve got load more jokes where these came from. Check out the Joke Generator on the jokes hub for random jokes and links to jokes on every topic. Need a bit more direction? Don’t miss our silly jokes or ‘What do you call…?’ jokes!
Where are average things manufactured?
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
To get to the other side!
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space!
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor boards?
He was just going through a stage!
I saw someone spill all of their Scrabble tiles on the road…
I asked them what the word was on the street!
I don’t understand Americanisms…
Like, Americans say eggplants, but everyone else says chickens!
What do you call a ghost comedian?
Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field!
What is a tree’s favourite month?
What does “coincidence” mean?
Funny, I was about to ask you that….
What’s invisible and smells of carrots?
What do squirrels give each other on Valentine’s Day?
Where do cows go for entertainment?
To the moo-vies!
Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy!
What month do soldiers hate the most?
What nails do carpenters hate to hit?
Where did the king keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!
What is the shortest month?
May – it only has three letters!
What house weighs the least?
What has two wheels and flies?
A wheelie bin!
What has fifty legs but can’t walk?
25 pairs of trousers!
What’s round and dangerous?
A vicious circle!
What’s an inkling?
A baby pen!
What is the fastest country in the world?
What has a bottom at the top?
What is the cutest season?
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A nun rolling down a hill!
What three letters frighten burglars?
What can you make that can’t be seen?
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur?
Cheer him up!
What’s soft and slippery?
What flies around waving the stars and stripes?
What do lawyers wear to court?
What gets wetter the more it dries?
Why don’t oysters like to share?
Because they’re shellfish!
Why is it fun to play jokes on Humpty Dumpty?
He always falls for it!
What do fishermen catch at night?
What’s brown and sticky?
What do you call a funny mountain?
How do you sink a submarine?
Knock on the door!
Why was the belt arrested?
It held up some trousers!
What’s the coldest country?
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
It was two-tyred!
What’s the best day to go to the beach?
Sun-day, of course!
How do you start a cuddly toy race?
Ready, teddy, go!
Why do trees hate tests?
They hate being stumped!
What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
The second telephone!
Which painting complains a lot?
The Moaner Lisa!
What washes up on very small beaches?
Who invented fire?
Some bright spark!
Which Roman Emperor had hay fever?
What’s the biggest cause of road rage?
How do fireflies say goodbye?
Got to glow!
Why are perfume sellers really smart?
They have lots of common scents!
What happened when nineteen and twenty played a game?
What happens if you spit out a lightbulb?
What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea weed!
Why was the archaeologist sad?
His career was in ruins!
What do clouds wear beneath their trousers?
Why do shoes always come in pairs?
How do robots drive?
They put their metal to the pedal!
What happened when the TV aerials got married?
They had a great reception!
Did you hear about the man who was arrested for being an art thief?
He was framed!
Did you hear about the woman who wore sunglasses?
She took a very dim view on things!
How do you make milkshake?
Give it a good scare!
What do farmers do when they are tired?
They hit the hay!
Did you hear the joke about the dustbin?
It’s a load of rubbish!
Why don’t people get married in igloos?
In case they get cold feet!
How do you start a jelly race?
On your marks, get set!
Which country is the slippiest?
Who gets the sack every time he goes to work?
Who stole the soap at bathtime?
The robber ducky!
What does a clock do when it is hungry?
It goes back four seconds!
Why do boats go on dates?
They’re looking for row-mance!
What goes “hick-hock”?
A clock with hiccups!
What does a headless horseman ride?
Why do hairdressers make good taxi drivers?
They know all the short cuts!
Which trees are the handiest?
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs!
Why are shoemakers kind?
They have good soles!
How do fleas get around?
Why was the boy scout dizzy?
He spent the whole day doing good turns!
How do pixies eat?
Can February March?
No, but April May!
Did you hear the joke about the bed?
I haven’t made it yet!
Where do library books like to sleep?
Under their covers!
Why shouldn’t you tell jokes when ice-skating?
The ice might crack up!
What goes up and down but does not move?
A flight of stairs!
How do farmers mend their trousers?
With cabbage patches!
What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
How do you make varnish disappear?
Take away the ‘r’!
What is the fastest thing on water?
Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl using the bathroom?
Because the ‘p’ is silent!
When’s a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
What is the longest word?
Smiles – there’s a mile between the first and last letters!
What has four eyes and a mouth?
What’s King Arthur’s favourite game?
Knights and crosses!
How does a train eat?
When is a green book not green?
When it’s read!
Why is your mum’s sister good for cuts?
What’s always on the ground but doesn’t get dirty?
What does a Triceratops sit on?
Why was the bear spoiled?
People always panda’d to him!
Did you hear about the thief who stole a surfboard?
He escaped on a crime wave!
Which is the best day to cook bacon?
What insect is the most untidy?
Why can’t Cinderella play football?
Her coach is a pumpkin!
Which cheese is made backwards?
Why did the weightlifter eat bricks?
To build himself up!
Why did the horse sneeze?