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Beano Comic

110 Great Jokes to Supercharge Your Comedy Superpowers

Get your daily dose of laughter with these categorically funny jokes from Beano - home of hilarious jokes!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  December 22nd 2021

Funny jokes are our thing. Down below you'll find a cracking selection of jokes from Beano's comedy kings and queens. We've been publishing the Beano comic, bursting with belly-wobbling pranks and funny jokes, for quite a while – we know at thing or 2,000 about what makes a joke funny!

These jokes are for anyone who likes a laugh, no matter your taste in jokes you're bound to find some here that will put a smile on your face. What do you look for in a funny joke? Why not try these out on a friend or family member? Funny jokes like these are great for bringing people together. Can anyone guess the punchline? Can YOU keep a straight face? Not with these high quality, fresh out of the box funny jokes you can't...

We've got load more jokes where these came from. Check out the Joke Generator on the jokes hub for random jokes and links to jokes on every topic. Need a bit more direction? Don't miss our silly jokes or 'What do you call...?' jokes!

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory!

Why did the chicken go to the seance?

To get to the other side!

chicken jokes

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space!

funny jokes

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor boards?

He was just going through a stage!

funny jokes

I saw someone spill all of their Scrabble tiles on the road...

I asked them what the word was on the street!

I don't understand Americanisms...

Like, Americans say eggplants, but everyone else says chickens!

Funny jokes

What do you call a ghost comedian?

Dead funny!

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It turned into a field!

What is a tree's favourite month?


A laughing and crossed eyed face

What’s invisible and smells of carrots?

Rabbit farts!

funny jokes

What do squirrels give each other on Valentine's Day?


Where do cows go for entertainment?

To the moo-vies!

Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?

Never mind, it’s too cheesy!

What house weighs the least?

A lighthouse!

Funny jokes

What has fifty legs but can’t walk?

25 pairs of trousers!

Funny jokes

What’s an inkling?

A baby pen!

Funny jokes

What has a bottom at the top?

Your legs!

Funny jokes

What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?

A nun rolling down a hill!

Funny jokes

What three letters frighten burglars?


Funny jokes

What can you make that can’t be seen?

A noise!

Funny jokes

What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur?

Cheer him up!

Funny jokes

What’s soft and slippery?

A slipper!

Funny jokes

What flies around waving the stars and stripes?


Funny jokes

What do lawyers wear to court?


Funny jokes

What gets wetter the more it dries?

A towel!

Funny jokes

What month do soldiers hate the most?


Funny jokes

What nails do carpenters hate to hit?


Funny jokes

Where did the king keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!

Funny jokes

What is the shortest month?

May - it only has three letters!

Funny jokes

What has two wheels and flies?

A wheelie bin!

Funny jokes

What’s round and dangerous?

A vicious circle!

Funny jokes

What is the fastest country in the world?


Funny jokes

What is the cutest season?


Funny jokes

What do you call a funny mountain?


Funny jokes

How do you sink a submarine?

Knock on the door!

Funny jokes

Why don’t oysters like to share?

Because they’re shellfish!

Why is it fun to play jokes on Humpty Dumpty?

He always falls for it!

Funny jokes

What do fishermen catch at night?


Funny jokes

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick!

Why was the belt arrested?

It held up some trousers!

Funny jokes

What's the coldest country?


Funny jokes

Why couldn't the bike stand up?

It was two-tyred!

Funny jokes

What's the best day to go to the beach?

Sun-day, of course!

How do you start a cuddly toy race?

Ready, teddy, go!

Funny jokes

Why do trees hate tests?

They hate being stumped!

Funny jokes

What happened when nineteen and twenty played a game?

Twenty won!

Funny jokes

What happens if you spit out a lightbulb?

You're de-lighted!

Funny jokes

What was a more important invention than the first telephone?

The second telephone!

Funny jokes

Which painting complains a lot?

The Moaner Lisa!

Funny jokes

What washes up on very small beaches?


Funny jokes

Who invented fire?

Some bright spark!

Funny jokes

Which Roman Emperor had hay fever?

Julius Sneezer!

Funny jokes

What’s the biggest cause of road rage?

Cross roads!

Funny jokes

How do fireflies say goodbye?

Got to glow!

Funny jokes

Why are perfume sellers really smart?

They have lots of common scents!

Funny jokes

What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?

The ground!

Funny jokes

Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed!

Why was the archaeologist sad?

His career was in ruins!

What do clouds wear beneath their trousers?


funny jokes

Why do shoes always come in pairs?

They're sole-mates!

Funny jokes

How do robots drive?

They put their metal to the pedal!

funny jokes

What happened when the TV aerials got married?

They had a great reception!

funny jokes

Did you hear about the man who was arrested for being an art thief?

He was framed!

funny jokes

Did you hear about the woman who wore sunglasses?

She took a very dim view on things!

Funny jokes

How do you make milkshake?

Give it a good scare!

Funny jokes

What do farmers do when they are tired?

They hit the hay!

Funny jokes

Did you hear the joke about the dustbin?

It's a load of rubbish!

funny jokes

Why don't people get married in igloos?

In case they get cold feet!

funny jokes

Which country is the slippiest?


funny jokes

Who gets the sack every time he goes to work?

The postman!

funny jokes

Who stole the soap at bathtime?

The robber ducky!

funny jokes

What does a clock do when it is hungry?

It goes back four seconds!

funny jokes

Why do boats go on dates?

They're looking for row-mance!

funny jokes

What goes “hick-hock”?

A clock with hiccups!

Funny jokes

What does a headless horseman ride?

A night-mare!

funny jokes

Why do hairdressers make good taxi drivers?

They know all the short cuts!

funny jokes

How do you start a jelly race?

On your marks, get set!

funny jokes

Which trees are the handiest?

Palm trees!

funny jokes

How do you make a bandstand?

Take away their chairs!

funny jokes

Why are shoemakers kind?

They have good soles!

funny jokes

How do fleas get around?

By itch-hiking!

funny jokes

Why was the boy scout dizzy?

He spent the whole day doing good turns!

funny jokes

How do pixies eat?


funny jokes

Where do library books like to sleep?

Under their covers!

A pile of books having a nap

Why shouldn't you tell jokes when ice-skating?

The ice might crack up!

Can February March?

No, but April May!

funny jokes

Did you hear the joke about the bed?

I haven't made it yet!

A funny comedian telling a joke

What goes up and down but does not move?

A flight of stairs!

funny jokes

How do farmers mend their trousers?

With cabbage patches!

funny jokes

What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?

A teapot!

funny jokes

How do you make varnish disappear?

Take away the 'r'!

funny jokes

What is the fastest thing on water?

A motor-pike!

A man holding a stop watch at a large swimming pool

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl using the bathroom?

Because the 'p' is silent!

When's a door not a door?

When it's ajar!

What is the longest word?

Smiles - there's a mile between the first and last letters!

What has four eyes and a mouth?

The Mississippi!

eye jokes

What’s King Arthur’s favourite game?

Knights and crosses!

funny jokes

How does a train eat?


funny jokes

When is a green book not green?

When it's read!

Why is your mum's sister good for cuts?

She's antiseptic!

funny jokes

What’s always on the ground but doesn’t get dirty?

Your shadow!

What does a Triceratops sit on?

Its tricerabottom!

Why was the bear spoiled?

People always panda'd to him!

Did you hear about the thief who stole a surfboard?

He escaped on a crime wave!

Which is the best day to cook bacon?


What insect is the most untidy?

The litterbug!

Why can’t Cinderella play football?

Her coach is a pumpkin!

Which cheese is made backwards?


Why did the weightlifter eat bricks?

To build himself up!

Silly jokes from Beano - link from funny jokes to silly jokes