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20 Grandad Jokes That Will Never Get Old!

These hilarious jokes are for the whole family - and your grandad will laugh his teeth out!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  June 3rd 2024

Einstein supposedly once said: "Grandad jokes are relatively hilarious!" While there's no proof he actually said that, it's definitely true! We've assembled some hilarious jokes about grandads, perfect for sharing with yours! And don't forget to check out some of our other family jokes - we've got gags about grandmas and puns about parents!

My grandad returned from the war with one leg…

We still don’t know whose leg it was!

Why does your grandad prefer an all-you-can-eat buffet to your grandma’s cooking?

He can decide when he’s full at the buffet!

Did you hear about the Italian grandad who died?

He pasta way!

Grandad: “Your teacher’s here saying you skipped school, you need to hide!”

Grandson: “No, you need to hide. I told her you were dead!”

What does your grandad have in common with a vintage clock?

They’re both old-timers!

Why is today the last day you can see your 82-year-old grandad?

Because tomorrow he’s turning 83!

Why did the grandad say he’s turned upside down in his old age?

Because his feet smell and his nose is always running!

Why does your grandad call your grandma “sweetheart”?

It’s been fifty years, he forgot her name a while back!

My grandad had the heart of a lion…

Which is why he was banned from the zoo!

Why was grandad let go from his job as a firefighter?

He believed in fighting fire with fire!

In church, grandad leaned over to grandma and whispered, “I just farted, but it was silent. What do I do now?”

Grandma replied, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid!”

Where should you keep all your best grandad jokes?

In a gran-dadabase!

What is a grandad’s usual bedtime?

Three hours after falling asleep on the sofa!

What do you call a grandad whale?

A hunchback whale!

What’s the proudest day of a dad joke’s life?

When it becomes a grandad joke!

I can still remember the last thing my grandad said before he kicked the bucket…

“I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?”

What happened when my grandad kept telling everyone the Titanic was going to sink?

They threw him out of the cinema!

Why is your grandad always smiling?

He can’t hear what you’re saying!

Why did grandad put wheels on his rocking chair?

He wanted to rock and roll!

How do you get grandad to stop biting his nails?

Hide his dentures!