Skip to main content
Subscribe to our Beano comic! Click Here
Beano Comic

20 Medical Jokes To Flex Your Funny Bone

Feeling peaky? Well laughter is the best medicine and your prescription is right here! Doctors orders!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  October 19th 2023

Never mind apples - a joke a day keeps the Doctor away! So for the sake of your health, make sure you check out this hilarious list of the most mirthful medical jokes! We've got jokes about urology, jokes about dentists, even jokes about *gasp* colons! Eeek!

If these jokes are a bit too medical for you don't worry - we have you covered. Just take a peek at these leg jokes, these eyebrow jokes, or even these shell-arious prawn jokes!

But if you've got a strong stomach, let's continue on to these 20 best ever medical jokes!

Pirate: I have moles on me back arrrr” Dr: “Don’t worry, they’re benign"

Pirate: “Count again, there be ten!”

Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium"

Man: "0Mg!"

Did you hear about the patient that lost his whole left side?

No worries, I hear he’s all right now!

Why is a doctor always calm?

They have a lot of patients!

Doctor: “You have high blood pressure and amnesia"

Patient: “Well, at least I don’t have high blood pressure!”

Yesterday, the doctor told me I was colorblind

The diagnosis came completely out of the purple!

How did the doctor cure the invisible man?

He took him to the ICU!

How does the receptionist at a urology department answer the phone?

Urology office — can you hold?

What is awarded to Dentist of the Year?

A little plaque!

My dermatologist was fired today

I’m told he made too many rash decisions!

Doctor: "I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"

Man: "And?"

What's the worst part of an apple addiction?

You can't see a doctor about it!

What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?

An URL-ologist!

Why do surgeons wear masks?

So that no one will recognize them if they make a mistake!

Doctor! Doctor! I’m worried about this mole on my shoulder!

Doctor: Try calling a vet!

My doctor doesn’t want me to go to yoga anymore

He thinks I self-meditate too much!

Where do farmers get their medicine from?

The farm-acist!

Before I had surgery the surgeon offered to knock me out with with gas or to hit me with a kayak paddle.

It was ether/oar situation!

What's a doctor's favourite type of punctuation?

A colon!

Doctor, doctor! I couldn't drink my medicine after my bath like you told me. Why not?

Well after I've drunk my bath I haven't got room for the medicine!