Doctor Jokes

We diagnose a case of the giggles! Probably not ones to try out on your GP, but funny doctor jokes and classic doctor, doctor jokes for your collection...

Doctor, doctor jokes have really stood the test of time! Get on board with these classics and some original Beano gems.

When you're cured, head on over to our teacher jokes or ask Why did...? and get some very funny answers!

Doctor, doctor! How long can a person live without a brain?

I don't know… How old are you?

Doctor, doctor! I've got broccoli stuck in my ear!

You need to eat more sensibly!

Doctor, doctor! They are saying in the waiting room that you've become a vampire...

Necks please!

Doctor, doctor! They've dropped me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers…

Don't worry, what you have is not catching!

Why did the witch go to the doctor?

She had a dizzy spell!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a vampire!

Necks, please!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar!

Don't worry, you'll soon change!

Doctor, doctor! What can you give me for wind?

Nothing, but I can lend you a kite!

Doctor, doctor! Help, I feel like a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together then!

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pack of cards!

I'll deal with you later!

Doctor, doctor! I think I’ve lost my memory! When did this happen?

When did what happen?

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a bridge! Goodness, what's come over you?

Ten cars, a tractor and the number 68 bus!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a cat! How long has this been going on?

Since I was a kitten!

Doctor, doctor I've swallowed a fish bone. Are you choking?

No, I really did!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm a moth. You need a psychiatrist not a doctor

I know, but I was walking past and I saw your light was on.

Doctor, doctor! I’ve got a mince pie stuck up my nose!

What you need is some cream!

Doctor, doctor! My nose runs and my feet smell!

I fear you might have been built upside down!

Why did the tailor go to the doctor?

He had pins and needles!

Doctor, doctor! Every time I stand up quickly, I see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy.

How long have you been getting these Disney spells?!

Doctor, doctor! I've broken my arm in two places.

Hmm, I'd advise you not to go back to either of those places then!

A wacky laughing emoji - click here to visit our silly jokes from our doctor jokes

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