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Nurse Jokes

Got a pain in your funny bone? Laughter is the best medicine with these extra-funny nurse jokes!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:Β  July 8th 2021

Not feeling these? Then check out these doctor jokes, teacher jokes, or even farmer jokes! We've got jokes about pretty much everything - click here if you don't believe us!

Why do nurses creep around at night?

So they don't wake the sleeping pills!

Did you hear about the nurse who was crushed by a load of books?

She had only her shelf to blame!

Why did the banana have to visit the nurse?

It wasn't peeling very well!

Did you hear about the nurse who lost his whole left side?

He was alright in the end!

Did you hear about the man who sent his nurse an X-Ray of his chest?

His heart was in the right place!

Why did the nurse lose her job?

She had no patients!

What's the worst place in the Hospital to play hide and seek?

The ICU!

I asked my nurse if she had something for my liver...

She gave me a bag of onions!

I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake.

Until my nurse told me to take the candles off first!

Never lie to an X-ray technician.

They can see right through you!

Who’s the coolest person in the hospital?

The Ultra-Sound Guy!

What do you call a duck that works in a hospital?

A Health Quacktitioner!

Smiling red crested rooster and owl

Patient: I get a sharp pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.

Nurse: Take the spoon out first!

Nurse: I have bad news. You've got a broken leg and memory loss.

Me: Well, at least I don't have a broken leg!

A man goes to hospital with a carrot up his nose.

The nurse tells him he's not eating properly!

My nurse was very nervous about vaccinating me.

I told him to give it his best shot!

Nurse, how is my friend who swallowed a bag of coins?

I'm afraid there's no change yet!

Why do nurses carry red pens?

In case they have to draw blood!

What’s it called when a Hospital runs out of maternity nurses?

A Mid-Wife Crisis!

What's a cat's favourite nursery rhyme?

Three Blind Mice!