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Farmer Jokes!

Plow through Beano's muddy field of fantastically funny farmer jokes!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  July 8th 2021

Once you've milked this joke cow and you've got your fill of funny farmer jokes, why not check out these jokes about sheep, weather jokes and summer one-liners?

We have jokes for practically every occasion – visit the Joke Generator if you don't believe us!

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It went down the lane and then turned into a field!

How do horses say hello?

'Hay!'

Have you heard any jokes about sheep dogs?

I've herd them all!

What did the farmer say when the pig took a bath?

'Hogwash!'

Which farm animal always knows the time?

The watch dog!

Why do cows have hoofs?

They lactose!

Where do farmers get their medicine from?

The farm-acist!

What did the mummy cow say to the baby cow?

'It's pasture bedtime!'

What martial art do pigs practise?

Pork chops!

What's black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra!

Did you hear the cow joke?

It's very amoosing!

How did the farmer find the lost cow?

He tractor down!

What do you call a cow that has an accident?

A mis-steak!

What do you call a horse than lives next door to a farm?

A neigh-bour!

What's a sheep's favourite sport?

Baaadminton!

What's a Scarecrow's favourite fruit?

Straw-berries!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

Which crop hears best?

Corn - it has ears!

Where do sick horses go?

The horsepital!

Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?

He was a real boar!

What kind of headphones do farmers wear?

Beets by Dre!

What kind of horses have scary dreams?

Night mares!

If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height?

Grinning cauliflower

From my head tomatoes!

Why did the farmer bury his money in a field?

A laughing farmer

He wanted to make his soil rich!

Why do cows enjoy hearing jokes?

Two laughing cows in a field

Because they love being amoosed!

What do you say to a cow if it’s in your way?

A grinning cow blocking the way

Mooooove!

Which day do potatoes hate?

A scared potato

Fry-day!

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

A magical tractor

It turned into a field!

What do you call a horse that lives next door to a farm?

A horse with long flowing hair

A neigh-bour!

Why did the chick get sent off during a game of football?

A chicken playing football

It committed a fowl!

Where does a farmer get his medicine from?

A poorly farmer at the pharmacy

The farm-acist!

Who tells the best farmer jokes?

A chicken tells a joke

Comedi-hens!

What is a pig farmer’s favourite type of karate move?

A karate expert doing a chop

Pork chops!

Why is it pointless telling a cow a joke?

A smiling cow

They've herd them all!

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he's milking a cow?

A confused cow

Udder nonsense!

Did you hear about the farmer who got top marks in his maths exam?

A farmer in front of a chalk board

He used a pro-tractor!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Cow's hooves

Because they lactose!

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A sleeping bull

A bull-dozer!

Why did the farmer plough her field with a steamroller?

A farmer in a steamroller

They wanted to grow mashed potatoes!

What did the farmer say to the cow when it wouldn’t go to sleep?

A farmer and a sleepy cow

It’s pasture bedtime!

Why do farmers love going to the cinema so much?

A farmer at the cinema

So they can watch the trailers

Why didn’t the farmer laugh at any of these jokes?

A farmer in a corn field

They were too corny

Why did the pig dump her boyfriend?

A pig in a pen

He was a massive boar!

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?

A smiling pig and a black ballpoint pen

Because it was always running out of the pen!

What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?

A pig with big eyes

You take me for grunted!

What did the farmer call his cow?

A grinning farmer and a cow wearing green sunglasses

Pat!

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