Nuts Jokes!

Prepare yourself for the nuttiest jokes ever!

Nature experts have revealed that these funny nut jokes are a firm favourite of squirrels, while monkeys prefer our peanut jokes

After you've recovered reading this batch of 100% blam-tastic funnies, why not chew over our food jokes and check out our extensive range of jokes for every occasion?

What's the most common name for girl peanuts?


Did you hear the joke about the peanut, pistachio and cashew?

It was nut funny!

Which nut has won the World Cup the most?

A Brazil nut!

What did the nut chasing another nut say?

I'm going to cashew!

Why the motorist spread peanut butter on the road?

So they'd have something to go with the traffic jam!

Why did the squirrel want a pay rise?

They were paid peanuts!

What do you call a nut with a hairy lip?

A moustachio!

What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?

A walnut!

Which nut loves chess?

A chess-nut!

What do chipmunks like to watch on TV?

Anything on Nut-flix!

What smells like nuts but is invisible?

A squirrel's fart!

What's a peanut's favourite Shakepeare line?

To be or nut to be!

What eats nuts and bolts?

A squirrel who's late for school!

What nuts can you wear on your feet?

A pair of cashews!

What's the best way to catch an elephant?

Hide in the grass and pretend to be a peanut!

What noise did the nut make when it sneezed?


Where's the best place to find out facts about nuts?

The inter-nut!

What kind of spread does the Queen like the most?

Peanut butler

What do you call a nut in space?

An astro-nut!

What's the most valuable kind of nut?

A cash-ew!

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