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Nuts Jokes!

Prepare yourself for the nuttiest jokes ever!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:ย  July 8th 2021

Nature experts have revealed that these funny nut jokes are a firm favourite of squirrels, while monkeys prefer our peanut jokes.ย 

After you've recovered reading this batch of 100% blam-tastic funnies, why not chew over our food jokes and check out our extensive range of jokes for every occasion?

What's the most common name for girl peanuts?


A peanut shell

Did you hear the joke about the peanut, pistachio and cashew?

It was nut funny!

A man reacting to a joke

Which nut has won the World Cup the most?

A Brazil nut!

Brazil nuts

What did the nut chasing another nut say?

I'm going to cashew!

A cashew chasing another cashew

Why the motorist spread peanut butter on the road?

So they'd have something to go with the traffic jam!

A blob of peanut butter

Why did the squirrel want a pay rise?

They were paid peanuts!

A squirrel

What do you call a nut with a hairy lip?

A moustachio!

A pistachio with a moustache

What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?

A walnut!


Which nut loves chess?

A chess-nut!

A chestnut and a chess board

What do chipmunks like to watch on TV?

Anything on Nut-flix!

A squirrel watching tv]

What smells like nuts but is invisible?

A squirrel's fart!

A squirrel, beans and a nauseous emoji

What's a peanut's favourite Shakepeare line?

To be or nut to be!

A peanut and William Shakespeare

What eats nuts and bolts?

A squirrel who's late for school!

What nuts can you wear on your feet?

A pair of cashews!

Two cashews

What's the best way to catch an elephant?

Hide in the grass and pretend to be a peanut!

Peanut hiding in the lawn

What noise did the nut make when it sneezed?


A sneezing cashew

Where's the best place to find out facts about nuts?

The inter-nut!

A hazelnut

What kind of spread does the Queen like the most?

Peanut butler

Peanut butler

What do you call a nut in space?

An astro-nut!

A pecan and astronaut in space

What's the most valuable kind of nut?

A cash-ew!

A cashew and a pile of money
Food jokes