52 Weird Jokes Odder Than a Custard Shoe!

My nan got arrested for knitting while driving...

They said 'Pull over', but it was a scarf!

What did the poorly cook make for school dinner?

Mac and sneeze!

What did Optimus Prime say when he came back from Ikea?

Autobots, assemble!

Darth Vader loves watching silly comedies...

May the farce be with you!

What do you call a strange market?

A bizarre bazaar!

Got a bizarre text this morning, explaining how to read maps backwards...

It was spam!

Me and my best friend both love dolphins...

We just clicked!

What did Salvador Dalí have for breakfast?

Surreal with milk!

What do you call a football team carrying fish?

Surreal Madrid!

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Banana!

Why is sand yellow?

Because the sea weed!

What do you call a pencil that can do a poo?

A number 2 pencil!

A pizza is like a pie chart...

It shows you how much pizza you have left!

Farting in a crowded lift is wrong...

On so many levels!

I have a fear of speed bumps...

I’m slowly beginning to get over it!

What's the weather forecast for tonight?

Dark!

I slept like a log last night...

I woke up in a forest covered with ants!

What’s green, purple and orange?

Colours!

Someone tried to sell me Mount Everest for £1 million...

I told him it was a bit steep!

Just started reading a book about anti-gravity...

It's impossible to put down!

Just poured superglue into a non-stick pan…

Somebody is going to be wrong!

With great power comes...

A great electricity bill!

I had a dream I ate a gigantic marshmallow...

When I woke up my pillow was gone!

I can actually melt ice cubes by staring at them...

But it takes ages!

How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?

Footprints in your butter!

How do monks cook their chips?

An air Friar!

What do ducks like on their nachos?

Quack-amole!

I’d love to go to Holland one day...

Wooden shoe?

What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste!

Chuck Norris once picked an orange from an apple tree...

He made lemonade from it!

How can you tell if a flamingo is hiding in a funfair?

The candyfloss tastes weird!

What do you call someone who never farts in public?

A private tutor!

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto!

What’s red and shaped like a bucket?

A blue bucket painted red!

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other...

Do you know how to drive this thing?

Why aren’t dogs good dancers?

They've got 2 left feet!

I just saw 200 rabbits walking backwards

It was a receding hare line!

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze!

I hate Russian dolls.

They're so full of themselves!

Did you hear about those blue and red ships that crashed at sea?

Their crews were marooned!

Why can’t you trust atoms?

They make up everything!

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fsh!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?

To make up for his miserable summer!

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick!

How do you talk to giants?

Use big words!

What washes up on really small beaches?

Micro-waves!

What do you call a magic dog?

A Labracadabrador!

What do you call a seagull when it flies over a bay?

A bagel!

What sound does a weird duck make?

Quirk Quirk!

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye matey!

How long does it take to brew weird-tasting tea?

Oolong time!