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Apple Jokes

These apple jokes will take the pip, and leave you saying "Cor! These puns are apple-ing!"

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  February 11th 2022

These apple jokes may be apple-ing, but at least you can rehydrate your thirst for fruit puns with some freshly-pressed fresh, crisp humour! 

And if these jokes get your pip, why not check out some other juicy fruit jokes or some tasty strawberry jokes. Personally, I scream for ice cream jokes and yes, there's hundreds more great jokes on the jokes page!

What did the apple write on his Valentine’s card?

You're one in a melon!

How many bakers does it take to make a pie?


When is an apple not an apple?

When it's a pineapple!

How did the apple get to school?

They rode a pie-cycle!

A bike with pies for tyres

What do ghosts like to have with their apple pie?

I scream!

A ghost holding an ice cream

Who makes the best apple pies?

Granny Smith!

Granny Smith

What did the apple pie say after Thanksgiving dinner?


An apple pie

Why was the apple happy at the baking competition?

It won first pies!

Apple with first prize rosette

Why did the apple pie cry?

Somebody hurt its peelings!

Apple pie cry

What did the apple say to the strudel maker?

Have you thought about using cherries instead!

What do you call an apple with a bees in it?

An apbpblbe!

How do you calculate the circumference of a dessert?

Apple pi

Why did the apple pie cross the road?

It saw a fork ahead!

Two smiling green apples and one smiling red apple

Why didn’t the apple maggot board Noah’s ark?

They'd heard everyone was going in pears!

Why did the apple pie crust go to a dentist?

He need a filling!

Why did the toffee apples meet up over coffee?

To have a candied conversation!

What did the physio say to the apple?

You have a strong core but appled hamstring!

Who led all the apples away from the orchard?

The Pie Piper

Why did the apple cry?

His peelings were hurt!

What can an apple do that a banana can't?

Look round!

A smiling red apple in front of lots of green apples

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?

Finding half a maggot!

How do you make an apple puff?

Chase it around the orchard!

What kind of apple isn't an apple?

A pineapple

What do you call an apple that walks sideways?

A crab apple

Which Halloween treat will keep you up all night?

A coffee apple!


How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!


How do you make an apple turnover?

Push it down a hill!

What charges a Mac computer?

Apple juice!


If you had 4 apples and 5 oranges in one hand and 6 apples and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have?

Very large hands!

number jokes

I tried to escape from the apple store...

but there were no windows!

one liner jokes

Why do the Daleks eat apples?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away!

dr who jokes

What do you call it when an apple user looks you in the eye?


eye jokes

What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?

You get apple juice!

A friend told me that all apples are yellow...

I told him, 'that's bananas!'

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them!

What’s angry and goes with custard?

Apple grumble!

Next Up Food Jokes