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30 Bean Jokes That Are Better Than Canned Laughter!

Click here to check out our ultimate list of jokes all about beans - the musical fruit! The more you eat the more you... well, you know the rest!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  May 31st 2023

It's a laugh a minute with these legendary legume jokes and puns! Expect farts, laughs and pinto-puns that just get better with Heinz-sight! Because jokes are just funnier when they're packed with protein and fibre!

If you were after even fartier jokes then we've got what you need! Just check out these ripping fart jokes! Or for more food gags and one-liners take at look at these fruit jokes! Or for something completely different - what about these cracking crab jokes! Phew! Now thats a lot of jokes!

Ok, ready to get full of beans? Let's go!

I decided to eat baked beans through my nose

In Heinz sight, it was a terrible decision!

What do you call a retired vegetable?

A has-bean!

Why did the 7 foot man take 2 cans of beans on the flight?

Because he wanted more legume!

I run a shop that sells nothing but glitter and baked beans

I call it Farts & Crafts!

What did the lentil say to the pea?

How you bean?

What do you call it when cowboys eat beans at high noon?

A toot-out!

What kind of vegetable is jealous?

A green bean!

What's another name for a Soy Mocha Latte?

3 bean soup!

Why are bean plants so close?

They have deep roots!

How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes?

It uses Heinz sight!

What’s a bean’s favourite movie?

Pirates of the Carib-bean!

What sort of beans do they use in the Italian city of Pisa?

Cannellini beans!

Why should you always invest into the bean market?

The stalks can only go up!

I've been told green beans are good for you

But how can they be better than the other jelly bean colors?

Coffee is just bean tea!

Just let that steep for a few minutes!

What vegetable can tie your shoes?

String beans!

Shoe Jokes Thumbnail
Shoe Jokes Thumbnail

What kind of stockings do you need to grow green beans?

Garden hose!

What's a werewolf’s favourite kind of bean to eat?

A human bean!

What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?

The casse-role!

Did you hear about the little bean who looked just like his dad?

Like fava, like son!

What’s a guitarist’s favourite kind of vegetable?

A string bean!

What do you call an athletic bean?

A runner bean!

What is the fastest bean in the world?

Usain Bean!

How many beans are in a can?

239, because more would be two farty!

Baked beans

Beans were John Lennon's favourite vegetable

Until he decided to give peas a chance!

What happens when Miley Cyrus eats too many beans?

There's a farty in the USA!

Why can you never trust a taco with a secret?

They tend to spill the beans!

Why are coffee beans like Dennis the Menace?

They are always getting grounded!

What do you get if you eat beans with onions?


What do you call a cat who likes to eat beans?

Puss 'n' Toots!