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30 Cactus Jokes & Puns for Kids

Grab life by the thorns and have a wheeze at these rib-prickling cactus jokes! They're untouchable!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  October 10th 2022

They're spiky, great at surviving without water and come in all sorts of weird shapes and sizes. And no we don't mean your dad's weird mates... we'e talking about cacti, obviously! Cacti (or cactuses if you rather - there are no rules) are a type of succulent native to the Americas. They're really popular plants because you can forget about them for MONTHS and they won't die. They also look really cool!

Another great thing about cacti is there are LOADS of good jokes about them! Which is why we're here really, isn't it? We've assembled 30 of the funniest ones for your chortling pleasure. If you rather laugh at some less... spiky jokes, you should check out these plant jokes, these gardening jokes, or even these hisssssterical snake jokes! Jokes all round!

But anyway - let's get back to those cacti!

Why did the cactus cross the road?

It got stuck to the chicken!

What did one cactus say to its friend?

We make a prickly pair!

What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you, Dad?

What does a  cactus wear to a business meeting?

A cac-tie!

What do you call a cactus on a plane?

Still just a cactus!

Is there something wrong with your cactus?

Yes, but I can't put my finger on it!

What should you say if you bump into a cactus?


What's the one job you shouldn't give a cactus at your birthday party?

Blowing up the balloons!

It’s hard to come up with 30 cactus jokes

It’s a real thorny problem!

Knock knock, who's there? Cactus.

Cactus who? Cactus makes perfect!

What did one cactus say to the fancy cactus?

You’re lookin’ sharp!

Why do coyotes howl in the night?

They can only see the cacti in the day!

What did the cactus say when he was robbing the bank?

“Stick ’em up!”

I dropped my cactus the other day. The worst part?

I caught it!

Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus

They say its bark is worse than its bite!

I ate a cactus today…

It had a sharp taste!

Customer: “How much for the goth cucumber?"

Clerk: “That’s a cactus."

What do you call a lot of cactus?

A cac-ton!

What did the food critic call the cactus pie?

A succulent meal!

If one cacti is a cactus, is one broccoli a brocculus?

Just some food for thought!

Broccoli and fried egg

What do you call a pineapple with no yellow part?

A cactus!

A pineapple and a three colour background

How did the cactus know all the answers to the test?

He was a sharp guy!

What did the cactus do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

What do you call it when a whole bunch of cactus fall over?

A cac-tas-trophy!

What's a cacti’s favourite Minion’s movie?

Des-prick-able Me!

What does a cactus say when greeting its friends?

Saguaro you doing?

Cacti in a desert landscape

What did one cactus say to the other cactus?

Stick with me and we'll go places!

What did one cactus say to the other?

Looking sharp!

What do you get if you cross Pua from Moana and a cactus?

A porky-pine!

What do you get if you cross a cactus with a Sesame Street character?

Prickle Me Elmo!