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66 Snake Jokes Which Are Hilariousssssss!

Wrap yourself around these ssserioussssly funny snake jokes. They're fangtastic!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  February 8th 2024

Wrap yourself around these hissterically funny snake jokes for a fangtastic, multiple-rib-tickling time.

And when you've adder-enough (groan) try some very dry humour with our desert jokes then (if you still want to laugh like a hyena/cuckoburra/rabid otter) give our animal jokes a visit!

Which snake is capable of doing sums in the dark?

A night adder!

In which river will you find the most number of snakes?


What’s a snake’s favourite vegetable?


Which shoes does a snake like to wear the most?

Snakers! Hang on... what?

What would you call a cross between a pig and a snake?

A boar constrictor!

What does a snake like to eat for breakfast?

Hiss pancakes!

Why was the snake running after the mouse?

Because it adder stuff!

What would you call a snake who has a great personality?

A snake charmer!

How did the snake manage to run away from school?

By scaling the walls!

What kind of coffee do snakes drink?


A snake with a cup of coffee

Which is a snake's favourite sport?


Why did the snake go to school?

To be a hiss-tory teacher!


Why did the snake clean its kettle?

It needed de-sssscaling!

 How did the snake propose to his girlfriend?

With a diamondback ring!

An engagement ring

Why did Woody have to wear sneakers?

There was a snake in his boot!

Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?”

Patient: “Yes. It looked like an angry rope!” 

What’s a snake’s favourite dance?

The mamba!

What do you get if you cross a newborn snake with a basketball?

A bouncing baby boa!

Who is a snake’s favourite author? 

William Snakespeare!

Why did the snake cross the road? 

To get to the other ssssssssside!

Snake Joke
Snake Joke

How does a snake practice archery?

With a boa and arrow!

What do married snakes have on their bath towels?

'Hiss' and 'Hersss'!

What did the mother snake give her baby?

A goodnight hiss!

What did the snake say to the loud children at the campsite?


What do you call a snake that’s 3.14 meters long?

A pi-thon!

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake?

A jump rope!

Why should you never weigh a snake?

They have their own scales!

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang letters!

What do you call an important English snake? 

Sir Pent!

Why do snakes always measure in inches?

Because they don’t have feet!

A reticulated python being measured with a tape measure
Snake Joke

What did the mother snake say to the baby snake when it had a cold?

“Please viper your nose!”

What do you give a sick snake?


Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?

Because he wanted his diamondback!

A burglar giving the thumbs down

Why are snakes so hard to fool? 

They have no legs to pull!

A snake hiding in the sand

What do you call a funny snake?


What do you call a snake that bakes?

A pie-thon!

A pumpkin pie

What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?

Snakes and Larders!

What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?

Addercadabra and abradacobra!

What do you call a snake that builds things?

A boa constructor!

A hammer and nails

Why can you always trust snakes?

They’re ‘armless!

What do you get if you cross Enhypen, candy, and a snake?

Sweet Venom!

“It’s a long tale…” said the snake…

“I’m all ears!” said the elephant!

Why did St Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?

It was too far to walk!

What did St Patrick say as he was driving the snakes out of Ireland?

'Yous alright in the back there lads?'

What do you call a snake on a rollerskate?

An aspiring lizard!

Why are snakes so good at playing cards?

Because they can never lose a hand!

How do you do a deal in the jungle?

You snake on it!

What kind of snake is good at maths?

An adder!

What do you get if you cross a snake and a plane?

A Boeing Constrictor!

A grinning cow and a blue snake wrapped around a tree branch

What do you call a French pineapple snake?


Why should you never weigh a snake?

Because they have their own scales!

What do you call a snake that's just shed it's own skin?


What's a snake's favourite dance?

The Mamba!

A snake and a sheep laughing

What do you call a snake who works for the government?

A Civil Serpent

A goat, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff...


What's multicoloured and very pretty but also capable of crushing you in its death grip?

A rainbowa constrictor!

My pet snake is exactly 3.14m long...

Its a π-thon!

number jokes

Why did the baby snake ask its Mum if they were venomous?

It just bit its tongue!

mother's day

What do you get when you cross a snake and a frog?

A jump rope!

What car does a snake drive?

An ana-Honda!

Why does Woody always have to wear his trainers?

Because there's a snake in his boot!

What would you get if you crossed pasta with a snake?

Spaghetti that wraps itself around a fork!

What is a snake’s favourite subject?


What goes ‘hith, hith’?

A snake that's bitten its tongue!

What snakes do you find on cars?

Windscreen vipers!

How do you make a baby snake cry?

Take away its rattle!

Animal Jokes