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Pumpkin Jokes

I'm the pumpkin pun-king and I'm pretty gourd at writing funny pumpkin jokes. Actually, the humour is a bit pumpkin-patchy.

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  July 9th 2021

Have a slice of humble (pumpkin) pie, sit back and listen to me, the pumpkin pun-king, squash you with my gourd-like comedy talents!

If you're looking for some more frightfully funny jokes try our halloween humour, monster mirth makers and living-dead-funny zombie jokes. And yes, we also do jokes about non-scary things too.

Why was the pumpkin not allowed to fly a plane?

A cry laughing pumpkin

It didn't have a pie-lot's licence!

What do you get if you eat too much pumpkin pie?

3 open mouthed Pumpkins

Autumn-y ache!

Did you hear about the man who got crushed by a pumpkin?

He was squashed!

What do you call the head business Pumpkin?

The Chairman of the Gourd!

What's a pumpkin's favourite genre?

Laughing pumpkin

Pulp fiction!

What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A laughing chicken and dog

A plumpkin!

What’s a pumpkin’s favourite drink?

Orange Squash

What does a Pumpkin pirate wear over its eye?

A pumpkin patch!

Why do people always choose Pumpkins by size?

Gourd big or go home!

What did the Pumpkin say to the handsome baker?

I only have pies for you.

What did the Pumpkin say to her girlfriend?

You're gourdgeous!

What do you call a really funny pumpkin?

A pun-king!

"Doctor, doctor, I'm hollow inside!”

That’s because you're a pumpkin!

What did the scoop say to the pumpkin?

Happy Hollow-ween

What did the pumpkin say before interrupting the marriage ceremony between a parsnip and a potato?

"Let's give ‘em pumpkin to talk about."

Who lives at the North Pole, makes toys and rides around in a pumpkin?

elf jokes


What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi!

What did Cinderella say when her carriage turned into a pumpkin?

Oh my gourd!

How did Cinderella get to be so strong?

By pumpkin iron!

Why couldn't Cinderella use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?

Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!

Why can’t Cinderella play football?

Her coach is a pumpkin!

What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?

A pumpkin patch!

Halloween Jokes