50+ Dead Funny Halloween Jokes

Scoop maximum trick or treat loot with Beano's best ever spooky Halloween jokes. They're (un)dead funny!

Are you looking for the best Halloween joke ever?

These dead funny jokes are alive and kicking! Yep, we've got tons of Halloween jokes that will get even the undead gasping with laughter.

We've also got a gaggle of ghost jokes, very funny vampire jokes, eye-watering witch jokes and mega monster jokes!

What would you find on a haunted beach?

A sand-witch!

What kind of ghost has the best hearing?

The eeriest!

What do players at Wimbledon eat on Halloween?

Strawberries and scream!

What type of pasta do they serve at the haunted house?

Fettuccini afraido!

Why didn’t the fettuccine go out for Halloween?

It was too alfredo!

What did the zombie say to the villager?

Nice to eat you!

What's a witch's favourite make-up?

Ma-scare-a!

What do you learn at witch school?

Spelling!

What is a skeleton's favourite musical instrument?

The trom-BONE!

What sort of birthday do ghosts prefer?

I scream cake!

What do ghosts eat for dinner?

Spook-hetti!

What is a ghost's favourite pudding?

I-scream!

Why can't Frankenstein fly?

He never makes it through the metal detector!

What game do monsters play?

Hide and shriek!

What kind of streets do zombies prefer?

Dead ends!

What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces?

A toasty ghosty!

What do you call a witch with chickenpox?

An itchy witchy!

When do ghosts eat breakfast?

In the moaning!

What do little monsters call their parents?

Mummy and Dead-y!

What's a mummy's favourite kind of music?

Wrap!

What do the fastest witches use to get around?

Vroomsticks!

Why did the ghost go to the sales?

He was a bargain haunter!

What do witches use to style their hair?

Scare spray!

On what day are ghosts most scary?

Fright-day!

Why did the zombie stay home from school?

He felt rotten!

Which Shakespeare play do ghosts like best?

Romeo and Ghoul-iet!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite!

Doctor, doctor! They are saying in the waiting room that you've become a vampire...

Necks please!

Why did the witch go to the doctor?

She had a dizzy spell!

How do you make a witch itch?

Take away the 'w'!

What kind of letters do vampires get?

Fang mail!

Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I’m a vampire!

Necks, please!

What happenes to witches who break the school rules?

They get ex-spelled!

What’s the best thing to give a seasick monster?

Plenty of room!

What monster fits on the end of your finger?

The bogeyman!

How do monsters like their eggs?

Terri-fried!

What do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?

A blood test!

What noise did the witch’s cereal make?

Snap, cackle and pop!

How do vampires get into houses?

Through the bat flap!

Why did the vampire brush his teeth?

He had bat breath!

Where do you find a monster snail?

At the end of a monster's finger!

What do ghosts say to their children?

Spook when you're spooken to!

What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?

A pumpkin patch!

How can you tell if there’s a monster in your fridge?

You can't shut the door!

What do you do with a green monster?

Wait until it's ripe!

What did the daddy ghost say to the baby ghost?

Fasten your sheet belt!

What is Dracula’s favourite dog?

A bloodhound!

What happened to the bad-tempered witch?

She flew off the handle!

How does Dracula stay fit?

He plays batminton!

Why did the skeleton quit?

His heart wasn't in it!

What's the funniest day of the year?

Ha-halloween!

Did you hear abut the vampire who got a pet dog?

He'd always wanted a bloodhound!

Who delivers monster babies?

The Franken-stork!

How does Frankenstein get around town?

Monster truck!

What do you call a mummy who tastes like candyfloss?

A yummy mummy!

What animal is best at baseball?

A bat!

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat their fingers separately!

Why don't they play music in skeleton church?

No organs!

Did you hear about the monster who ate too many houses?

He was homesick!

Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to The Body Shop!

Why are vampires unpopular?

They're a pain in the neck!

What do ghosts put on their turkey?

Grave-y!

How do you get into a locked graveyard?

Use a skeleton key!

Why did the skeleton go to the restaurant?

For spare ribs!

What was the ghost's best position?

Ghoulkeeper!

How would you describe a monster with amazingly good hearing?

Eerie!

What tool helps a ghost lie perfectly flat?

A spirit level!

What did the monster eat after it had its teeth taken out?

The dentist!

What’s big, furry and has eight wheels?

A monster on roller skates!

On what day do monsters eat people?

Chewsday!

What should you say if you meet a ghost?

"How do you boo?"

What do you find up a ghost’s nose?

Boogers!

How do ghosts fly?

British Scareways!

What kind of TV do you find in a haunted house?

Widescream!

Can a monster jump higher than a tree?

Of course - trees can't jump!

What do you do when 50 ghosts visit your house?

Hope it's Halloween!

Who did Dracula go on a date with?

His ghoul-friend!

How do monsters count to 13?

On their fingers!

What’s a monster favourite dessert?

Leeches and scream!

What is a skeleton’s favourite instrument?

A trombone!

What ghosts haunt hospitals?

Surgical spirits!

What's the one room a ghost doesn't need in its house?

A living room!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?

He had no body to go with!

What are ghosts' favourite trees?

Ceme-trees!

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