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114 Dead Funny Halloween Jokes & Spooky Puns

Scoop maximum trick or treat loot with Beano's best ever spooky Halloween jokes and puns. They're (un)dead funny!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  November 2nd 2021

Are you looking for the best Halloween jokes for kids, maybe even the best Halloween joke ever? If you're going to dig it up anywhere, it's going to be here.

These dead funny one liner jokes are alive and kicking! We've got Halloween jokes for kids, witch jokes, skeleton jokes, cringey Halloween Dad jokes and spooky and scary jokes for Halloween that will get even the undead gasping with laughter and get you in the mood for the creepiest and most SPOOK-tacular time of year!

We've also got a gaggle of ghost jokes, very funny vampire jokes to make you wail and mega monster jokes! And make sure you don't miss our Halloween hub, the online home of Halloween: full of spooky jokes, great games, creepy crafts and crafty quizzes. BOO!

Halloween Jokes for Kids

1. What's the scariest type of cutlery?
A spoooooon!

2. Why did the vampire brush his teeth?
He had bat breath!

3. Why is Fortnite so popular on Halloween?
Because all of the hills are haunted!

4. Which Shakespeare play do ghosts like best?
Romeo and Ghoul-iet!

5. What's a bird's favourite Halloween game?
Ducking for apples!

6. What do you call Winnie the Pooh on Halloween?
Winnie the Boo!

7. What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch!

A Halloween pumpkin

8. How would you describe a monster with amazingly good hearing?
Eerie!

9. How does Dracula stay fit?
He plays batminton!

10. When do ghosts eat breakfast?
In the moaning!

11. What should you say if you meet a ghost?
"How do you boo?"

12. What game do monsters play?
Hide and shriek!

13. What do you do with a green monster?
Wait until it's ripe!

14. On what day are ghosts most scary?
Fright-day!

15. What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces?
A toasty ghosty!

16. What did the ghost teacher say to the class?
Look at the board and I will go through it again!

17. What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest!

18. What's the funniest day of the year?
Ha-halloween!

19. What sort of birthday food do ghosts prefer?
I scream cake!

20. Who delivers monster babies?
The Franken-stork!

21. How do vampires get into houses?
Through the bat flap!

22. What is a ghost's favourite pudding?
I-scream!

23. What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Spook-hetti!

24. How does Frankenstein get around town?
Monster truck!

25. What animal is best at baseball?
A bat!

26. Did you hear about the monster who ate too many houses?
He was homesick!

Frankenstein's monster near a graveyard

27. What do you call a reindeer on Halloween?
A cariBOO!

28. What do ghosts do at sleepovers?
They tell scary human stories!

29. I'm going to a Halloween party as a sweet shop owner.
Tried on my outfit, and my friend said “Give me a twirl”!

30. What tool helps a ghost lie perfectly flat?
A spirit level!

31. What do you find up a ghost’s nose?
Boogers!

32. What’s big, furry and has eight wheels?
A monster on roller skates!

Skeleton Jokes

33. What did the skeleton wear to the Halloween party?
A human costume!

34. What is a skeleton's favourite musical instrument?
The trom-BONE!

35. Why don't they play music in skeleton church?
No organs!

Skeleton

36. Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to The Body Shop!

37. How do you get into a locked graveyard?
Use a skeleton key!

38. Why did the skeleton go to the restaurant?
For spare ribs!

39. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
He had no body to go with!

40. Why did the skeleton quit?
His heart wasn't in it!

Halloween Dad Jokes

41. What do you call an undead cricket referee?
A vumpire!

42. What did the daddy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt!

43. What kind of TV do you find in a haunted house?
Widescream!

44. What’s the best thing to give a seasick monster?
Plenty of room!

45. What do you call a mummy who tastes like candyfloss?
A yummy mummy!

46. Why can't Frankenstein fly?
He never makes it through the metal detector!

47. Who did Dracula go on a date with?
His ghoul-friend!

48. What are ghosts' favourite trees?
Ceme-trees!

A ghost surrounded by chains

49. Why didn’t the fettuccine go out for Halloween?
It was too alfredo!

50. For Halloween we dressed up as almonds...
Everyone could tell we were nuts!

51. What's an owl’s favourite part of autumn?
Owl-ween!

52. Why did the ghost go to the sales?
He was a bargain haunter!

53. What's a mummy's favourite kind of music?
Wrap!

54. What does Bananaman dress up as on Halloween?
A boonana!

55. Why could the cyclops not stop crying?
They had really good moistur-eyes-er!

56. I have won first place in this Halloween costume contest 16 years in a row...
This year I'm a hotdog. I'm on a roll!

57. Can a monster jump higher than a tree?
Of course - trees can't jump!

58. Why are vampires unpopular?
They're a pain in the neck!

59. What did the pumpkin say on Halloweens eve?
"Oh my Gourd!"

60. What's the worst kind of Halloween decoration?
A Trumpkin!

61. Which November holiday is Dracula’s favourite?
Fangs-giving!

62. Which Halloween treat will keep you up all night?
A coffee apple!

63. We all know Albert Einstein was a genius...
But his brother Frank was a monster!

64. Why didn't the zombie cross the road?
They didn't have the guts!

65. Why did the vampire need to get their make up on fleek?
Because there was a lot at stake!

66. What's a zombies favourite bean?
A human bean!

67. What do ghosts serve at dinner parties?
Poultry-geist!

68. Why did the ghost starch her sheet?
She wanted everyone scared stiff!

69. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi!

70. How do ghosts fly?
British Scareways!

71. What was the ghost's best position?
Ghoulkeeper!

72. What kind of streets do zombies prefer?
Dead ends!

Spooky & Scary Halloween Jokes

73. Who is best at Halloween fancy dress?
Mummies and Deadies!

74. What do zombies have for school lunches?
Human beans, fried legs and eyes cream!

75. Did you hear about the zombie cow?
He wants to eat your GRAAAAIIIIINNNS!

Zombie jokes

76. Why do zombies never eat comedians?
They taste funny!

77. Doctor, doctor! They are saying in the waiting room that you've become a vampire...
Necks please!

78. Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it?
Because people are dying to get in!

79. Why are zombies always hired as make-up artists?
Because they have to put their face on every morning!

80. Did you hear about the vampire who got a pet dog?
He'd always wanted a bloodhound!

81. What did the zombie say to the villager?
Nice to eat you!

82. Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat their fingers separately!

83. What did the monster eat after it had its teeth taken out?
The dentist!

84. What’s a monster favourite dessert?
Leeches and scream!

85. On what day do monsters eat people?
Chewsday!

86. What should you do at a Halloween party if a zombie rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back to them!

87. Where do you find a monster snail?
At the end of a monster's finger!

88. Why did the zombie stay home from school?
He felt rotten!

89. What do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?
A blood test!

90. How do monsters count to 13?
On their fingers!

91. What monster fits on the end of your finger?
The bogeyman!

92. How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried!

93. How can you tell if there’s a monster in your fridge?
You can't shut the door!

94. What did Postman Pat deliver to Dracula?
Letters from his fang club!

95. What do players at Wimbledon eat on Halloween?
Strawberries and scream!

96. What type of pasta do they serve at the haunted house?
Fettuccini afraido!

97. What's the one room a ghost doesn't need in its house?
A living room!

98. What do you do when 50 ghosts visit your house?
Hope it's Halloween!

99. What do ghosts put on their turkey?
Grave-y!

100. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!

101. What kind of letters do vampires get?
Fang mail!

102. What ghosts haunt hospitals?
Surgical spirits!

Witch Jokes

103. What game do witches play on Halloween?
Hide and ghost seek!

104. What noise did the witch’s cereal make?
Snap, cackle and pop!

105. What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand-witch!

106. What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled!

107. How do you make a witch itch?
Take away the 'w'!

Witch jokes

108. Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell!

109. What's a witch's favourite make-up?
Ma-scare-a!

110. What do the fastest witches use to get around?
Vroomsticks!

111. What happened to the bad-tempered witch?
She flew off the handle!

112. What do you learn at witch school?
Spelling!

113. What do witches use to style their hair?
Scare spray!

114. What do you call a witch with chickenpox?
An itchy witchy!