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64 Funny Vampire Jokes to Sink Your Teeth Into!

Fang-tastically funny vampire jokes for Halloween!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  February 28th 2024

Sink your teeth into these funny vampire jokes from Beano!

If draining these doesn't fill you up, fly on over to our monster jokes and ghost jokes for more Halloween LOLz.

The Beano Joke Generator is here year-round for jokes on any subject!

Where does a vampire get its stationery?


A ballpoint pen rests on a sheet of lined paper

Why don’t vampires like mosquitos?

Too much competition!

What did the child vampire say before going to bed?

“Turn off the lamp, I’m scared of the light”

What is a vampire’s favourite airline?

British Scare-ways!

An aeroplane flying over a city

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?

He turns into a bat every night!

How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It depends if you Count Dracula!

Did you hear about Dracula’s castle?

He completely revamped it!

A painter holding a paint colour chart

What do you get if you cross a vampire with a sheep?


Where did the vampire go on holiday?


An old suitcase covered in stickers

 What do you get if you cross a vampire with Sir Lancelot?

A bite in shining armour!

A knight standing in their armour

What does a vampire take for a scratchy throat?

Coffin drops!

Why are vampires like false teeth?

The only come out at night!

What type of coffee do vampires drink?


What do you call a duck with fangs?


Why did the vampire go to school?

To learn the alpha-bat!

Vampire Facts
Vampire Facts

What’s a vampire’s favourite dance?

The Fango!

A close up of ballroom dancers' shoes

Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?

It was a stake sandwich!

Sandwich jokes

What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?

A neck-tarine!

What is a vampire’s favourite soup?

Scream of tomato!

How do vampires cross the sea?

In a blood vessel!

Who did the teenage vampire ask to the school disco?

The girl necks door!

What did the vampire say at the blood bank?

I’d like to make a withdrawal!

Who does a vampire get most of his mail from?

Their fang club!

Letter Jokes

What’s the tallest building in Transylvania?

The Vampire State Building!

vampire bat facts thumbnail
vampire bat facts thumbnail

What kind of computer does a vampire use?

A Dracbook!

What did the vampire's school report say?

That he was a pain in the neck!

Why did the vampire order a snack?

He just fancied a quick bite!

What do you call a vampire in an anorak?

Count Mac-ula!

A dog in a smart raincoat

Why did the vampire become a veggie?

He heard steak was bad for your heart!

A vampire recoiling from a juicy steak

Why did the vampire join the circus?

He wanted to be an acro-bat!

A haunted house and a smiling bat

How does a vampire get home in the evening?

On the fright bus!

Why couldn’t the vampire go to the party?

He was up to his neck in work!

Where do vampires watch films?


Why do vampires dislike chickens?

Their blood is fowl!

Why is Dracula called The Count?

Because he's good at maths!

A festive calculator

Where does a vampire like to get washed?

In the bat-tub!

What do you call Dracula if he sneezes?

The Pollen Count!

What is a vampire’s favourite fizzy drink?


Which girl is a vampire most afraid of?


A woman reading about a magical castle

What position does a vampire like to play in cricket?


A cricket bat and ball

What do you call a vampire shopping for bargains?

Discount Dracula!

What did the vampire say when he received a present?

Fang you very much!

A vampire and a garlic press

What did Dracula say to the giraffe?

I think I'm going to need a straw!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?


What's a vampire's favourite holiday?


A slice of apple pie

How does a vampire stay fit?

By playing bat-minton!

Badminton Jokes

What’s a vampire's favourite flavour of ice cream?


What does Dracula say to greet everyone when he wakes up?

Good evening!

What do you get when you combine a vampire and a dog?

A blood hound!

Why did the vampire go to art school?

He wanted to learn how to draw blood!

Why do vampires need mouthwash?

Because they have bat breath!

What's worse than a hungry vampire?

A thirsty vampire!


Robert Pattinson is the worst vampire ever...

It took him 15 years to figure out how to turn into a bat!

Why do vampires never wear make-up?

Because they can't see their reflection!

What's a vampires favourite lipstick shade?

Blood red!

What's a vampire's favourite treat?

Haribo fang-tastics!

What is Dracula's favourite dance?

The fang-dango!

What do you call a vampire in the kitchen?

Count Spatula!

A chef

Why are vampires unpopular?

They're a pain in the neck!

Doctor, doctor! They are saying in the waiting room that you've become a vampire...

Necks please!

How do vampires like their eggs?


What do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?

A blood test!

A teacher points at a student

Why did the vampire become a poet?

He had a way with cryptic words!

Large vampire fangs

How do vampires get into houses?

Through the bat flap!