Skip to main content

Captain Hook Jokes

You'll Never-Never stop laughing at these Smee-larious Captain Hook jokes! Yarr harr harr!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  May 20th 2022

Are you a Peter Pan fan or just hooked on the Captain? Whoever your favourite character is you're guaranteed to find some rip-roaring rib-ticklers in this list of Captain Hook jokes!

Looking for some other gags? These Peter Pan jokes never get old, or how about these roar-some Mufasa jokes? And there's laughs of all shapes and sizes with these great geometry jokes! Don't say we don't spoil you!

What app does Captain Hook hate?

Tik Tok!

Why is being a pirate so addictive?

Once you lose the first hand, you’re hooked!

How does Captain Hook blow off steam?

Beats Smee!

Captain Hook ordered a new prosthetic hand online

It was off the hook!

Such a shame Captain Hook never made it to Admiral

I guess it didn’t Pan out for him!

How does Captain Hook warm his Greek food?

Pita Pan!

Where does Captain Hook get his groceries?

The second hand shop!

I lost a boxing match with a pirate captain

He had a vicious right hook!

Did you hear Captain Hook lost his other hand, too?

He’s having a hard time grappling with it!

Captain Hook says his first mate stole his treasure but there’s no proof

It’s a case of he said, Smee said!

Captain Hook ordered a new prosthetic hand online

It was off the hook!

How did Captain Hook break up with his girlfriend?

He said it’s not you, it’s Smee!

What does Tinkerbell use to catch fish?

A Captain Hook!

What kind of shoes does Captain Hook hate?


What's the difference between Captain Hook when he is hungry and sea sick?

Ones a rumbling tummy and the other is a tumbling rummy!

Why does it take Captain Hook so long to say the alphabet?

Because he spends years at C!

What kind of grades did Captain Hook get in school?

High seas!

How did Captain hook run his ship?

Single handedly!

Why does Captain Hook eat ready meals?

Because he can never get to a Pan!

Broccoli and fried egg

Why did Peter Pan know he could win at poker?

He knew Captain Hook had lost at least one hand!