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20 Legen-Dairy Cow and Milk Jokes!

Grab a glass - these twenty extra-creamy cow and milk jokes are udderly hilarious! Cowabunga!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  March 27th 2024

(Cow) pat yourself on the back, you've just found the funniest ever list of cow and milk gags! So read on for jokes about udders, farmers, and that mysterious white, calcium-filled liquid that we squirt out of cows and pour over our cereal. Ok, sounds weird when you put it like that.

If these cow and milk jokes are just too cheesy for you - you can check out these ones instead! We've got Diary of a Wimpy Kid jokes, werewolf jokes, and even these snot jokes!

Jokes for every occasion! OK - back to the milking shed for these terriffic cow and milk jokes!

I just inherited a dairy farm

I don't like it but I'm going to milk it for all its worth!

Doctor: you’re allergic to cow's milk

Me: No whey?

Where does condensed milk come from?

Tiny cows!

Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth?

It's pasteurized before you even see it!

How does a glass of milk introduce itself in Spanish?

Soy Milk!

How do you milk cows?

Bring out a new iPhone and charge them £1000 for it!

What do cows eat for breakfast?


All the farmers' cows stopped producing milk…

It was udder chaos!

What happens when a cow laughs?

Milk comes out of its nose!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose!

How did the cow get to the moon?

It went to udder space!

When should you stop drinking milk?

When it’s pasture bedtime!

Bacon jokes

I work as a dairy farmer

An udder day, and udder dollar!

What does the farmer talk about while milking a cow?

Udder nonsense!

Why do cows lie down in groups when it’s cold?

To keep each udder warm!

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk!

What happens when you mix a shark and a cow together?

I don’t know but I wouldn’t want to milk it!

Why did the cow jump over the moon?

To get to the Milky Way!

A Milky Way chocolate bar in space

What do you call a mug of coffee that doesn't contain a baby cow?


What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake!

Black and white cow lying on its side in a puddle

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