These Harry Potter Jokes Are Magical

Laugh? Dumbledore nearly died...

Why is Mad-Eye Moody a rotten teacher?

He can't control his pupils! 

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How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb? 

Two - one to hold the bulb, and one to make the room revolve!

What's the difference between Crookshanks and a comma?

Crookshanks has claws at the end of her paws, but a comma is a pause at the end of a clause!

Where does Dumbledore hide his army?

Up his sleevy!

Why does Snape stand in the middle of the road?

So you never know what side he's on.

Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to FaceBook?

Because he has no friends, only followers.

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How does the Dark Lord know Nagini loves him?

Because she gives him lots of hugs and hisses!

Why does Neville have his trousers specially made?


How do you get a mythical creature into your house?

Through the Gryffindor!

How do the Malfoys get into buildings?

They Slytherin!

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Knock, knock!

Who's there?

You know.

You know who?


Wizards who drink Polyjuice Potion are people two...

On a scale of one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?

About nine and three quarters!

How does Harry Potter get down hills?

J.K. Rowling!

Why can't Harry Potter tell his best friend from his potion pot?

They're both cauldron!

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How many Muggles does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but it's the only thing they're good for.

If you don't get these Harry Potter jokes, there must be something RON with you!

Why doesn't Voldemort wear glasses?

Nobody nose!

How can you tell if someone's a pureblood?

Don't worry - they'll tell you soon enough.

Why did the Death Eater cross the road?

Because the Dark Lord ordered it!

How does Voldemort keep his breath fresh?


Why did Voldemort cross the road?

Because Harry Potter couldn't stop him.

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What's the first thing wizards do in the morning?

They wake up.

What does Voldemort eat for breakfast?

Huffle Puffs.

What is Aragog's favourite day of the week?


Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?

They were following Draco.

What do you call Hogwarts students who share a dorm?


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Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Oliver Wood.

Oliver Wood who?

Oliver Wood like to come in so can you open the door, please?

How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

One - he puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.

Which Hogwarts master gets the blame for everything that goes wrong?

Professor Snapegoat!

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn't?

A nose!

Why is Garrick Ollivander never home?

He's a wanderer.

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