These Harry Potter Jokes Are Magical

The best selection of funny Harry Potter jokes!

All the funny Harry Potter jokes you could ever wand!

In fact, if you don't get these Harry Potter jokes, there must be something RON with you!

When you're done here, don't forget to check out our Marvel film jokes, our Disney jokes, or try the randomĀ Joke Generator.

What is Aragog's favourite day of the week?


Why doesn't Voldemort wear glasses?

Nobody nose!

How does Harry Potter get down hills?

J.K. Rowling!

Why is Mad-Eye Moody a rotten teacher?

He can't control his pupils!

Why is Garrick Ollivander never home?

He's a wanderer!

What does Harry Potter have that Voldemort doesn't?

A nose!

Which Hogwarts master gets the blame for everything that goes wrong?

Professor Snapegoat!

How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

One - he puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Oliver Wood. Oliver Wood who?

Oliver Wood like to come in so can you open the door, please?

What do you call Hogwarts students who share a dorm?


Why did Crabbe and Goyle cross the road?

They were following Draco.

What does Voldemort eat for breakfast?

Huffle Puffs!

What's the first thing wizards do in the morning?

They wake up!

Why did Voldemort cross the road?

Because Harry Potter couldn't stop him!

How does Voldemort keep his breath fresh?


Why did the Death Eater cross the road?

Because the Dark Lord ordered it!

How can you tell if someone's a pureblood?

Don't worry - they'll tell you soon enough!

How many Muggles does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but it's the only thing they're good for.

Why can't Harry Potter tell his best friend from his potion pot?

They're both cauldron!

On a scale of one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you?

About nine and three quarters!

Spaceman in orbit - link to Music, Movie, TV and Gaming Jokes

If you liked this, then you should try watching Harry Hill's Best Jokes Ever!

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