Eye Jokes

I spy with my little eye... Beano's cataclysmic collection of entertaining eye jokes!

Once you've wiped away the tears of laughter, check out some of the nutty nose jokes, terribly funny teeth jokes or even some crazy clever jokes

The cornea the better! 

How many eye doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?

One... or Two?!

What is it called when you poke your eye while putting on safety glasses?


Did you hear that there’s a webpage for people who suffer from chronic eye pain?

It’s a site for sore eyes!

What do you call it when an apple user looks you in the eye?


I just saw a golfer crying his eyes out...

He's going through a rough patch!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fishually impaired!

What happens after you rub ketchup in your eyes?

You feel silly in Heinz sight!

Why did the phone wear glasses?

Because he lost all of his contacts!

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?


When are your eyes not eyes?

When the cold winter wind makes them water!

What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells!

Why are potatoes better for your vision than carrots?

Because they start their life in an eye!

What do zombies have for school lunches?

Human beans, fried legs and eyes cream!

What do you call a penguin with no eye?


Why could the cyclops not stop crying?

They had really good moistur-eyes-er!

Why do bee keepers have such beautiful eyes?

Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder!

I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffer from a rare condition with my sight...

Umdiddlyumdiddlyumdiddly eye!

Why is sleepy the dwarf so good at sleeping?

Because he can do it with his eyes shut!

Why were Madame Gazelle's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils!

What do you do when your teacher rolls her eyes at you?

Pick them up and roll them back!

Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?

Because she couldn’t control her pupils!

Where do rabbits get their eyes checked?


Why do potatoes make great crime fighters?

Because they always keep their eyes peeled!

What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells!

Doctor, doctor! Every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in the eye!

Try taking the spoon out first!

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No-eye deer!

What has four eyes and a mouth?

The Mississippi!

Animal jokes

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