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20 Harry Kane Jokes That (Might) Take Home The Cup

It's a joke of two halves! Click here to punt these 20 hilarious Harry Kane Jokes in the back of the net!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  March 11th 2024

He's one of England's all-time greats - a legendary leader who has (almost) led his country to footballing glory. But just because he's good at football doesn't mean we can make jokes about him!

So read on to find out why Harry Kane doesn't play football with his dog, or how he keeps cool during a match!

And if that's not enough footballing fun you can always a go on these Mary Earps jokes, these Lionel Messi jokes, or even these Erling Haaland jokes!


Harry Kane told Jordan Pickford a joke

But it went right over his head!

Harry Kane is an odd role model

He's made a living running away from his goals!

Why didn't Harry Kane pick Cinderella for the England squad?

Because she runs away from the ball!

Harry Kane is addicted to football and needs to stop

But he can't kick the habit! 

What kind of ship is Harry Kane a captain of?

A sportsmanship! 

Harry Kane and his grandad are watching a game. “Who's playing?”

“Czech and Slovakia” “Against who?”

Harry Kane just got tackled by an ostrich

It was a fowl!

Hands down, Harry Kane is the best footballer of all time

Hands up, that would be Pele! 

Harry Kane played football on a pitch that was littered with loads of stones and gravel

Luckily they still won on aggregate!

Why doesn't Harry Kane wear glasses? 

Football is a contacts sport!

A football in space

What would Harry Kane do if England won the world cup?

Turn off the Xbox! 

How does Harry Kane keep his trophies safe?

With a Guardiola-dog! 

What do Lionel Messi and a magician have in common?

Both do hat-tricks!

What did Harry Kane do when the pitch flooded?

He sent on his subs!

How does Harry Kane stay cool during a match?

He stands near the fans! 

What is Harry Kane's favourite drink? 


What is Harry Kane's favourite type of lizard?

A Dino-score! 

Why doesn't Harry Kane's dog play football?

He's a boxer! 

Why doesn't Harry Kane like playing against pigs?

Because they hog the ball! 

The England match got rained off

Harry Kane got a precipitation trophy!