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40 Hair-larious Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest

Looking for some razor-sharp facial hair gags? These moustache jokes are guaranteed to tickle you!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  February 14th 2023

Whether you call your facial fur a set of handlebars, a nose bug, a soup strainer or even a snot mop... there's no denying moustaches are pretty funny! Maybe you don't even have a moustache, but you just like laughing at them. Either way, you're in the right place - because what we have here is the best and bristliest collection of 'tache jokes you'll find anywhere!

Not much of a moustache person after all? No problem - we have jokes about all sorts of other things too! Just check out these fish and chip jokes, these time travel jokes, or even these toilet jokes!

Ok... enough of that, let's get back to these rib-tickling lip-ticklers!

I moustache you a question

But I'm shaving it for later!

I can predict what type of moustache you will grow in future

I must be hairvoyant!

Why don’t people with moustaches need vacuums?

Because they already have a crumb catcher on their face!

Why did the moustache grooming business flop?

Because of the razor-thin margins!

Bacon jokes

I never liked the idea of having a moustache

But then it grew on me!

I grew a moustache without anyone knowing.

It’s my secret ‘stache!

Moustaches are taking over

And it's happening right under our noses!

Someone glued a mustache to my face

I can't pull it off!

“Dad, there’s a man at the door with a moustache”

“Tell him I’ve already got one!”

How do a moustaches make money?

By investing in a shavings account!

I like my moustache more and more every day

It's really growing on me!

What did the customer say to the barber?

“I moustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later!”

Did you hear about the priest with a fake nose and moustache?

He was a blessing in disguise!

How come people with moustaches lose them so often?

They're hiding right under their noses!

What do you call a nut’s facial hair?

A Pistachio!

I spent years searching for the perfect mustache

It was right under my nose the whole time!

Some men prefer to shave every morning

They think facial hair is a mistache!

Why can beards only grow in the face?

Because they have attachment issues!

Bacon jokes

 My barber suggested I change my moustache colour

I told him I’d dye before doing that!

Did you hear about the scientist with a moustache?

He had a razor sharp mind!

Don’t listen to people who criticize moustaches

Simply brush off their opinions!

I found a fake moustache on a squash

It really caught me off gourd!

What do you call it when a moustache grows on your cheek?

A misstache! 

Bacon jokes

Where are old and legendary moustaches kept?

In a moseum!

Whenever I see a man with a moustache and glasses, I think

He really doesn’t want people doodling on pics of him!

What do you call a man with no moustache?

Jealous!

Why are the careers of celebrity moustaches so short lived?

They're hair today, gone tomorrow!

What do you call a cow's moustache?

A moostache!

Why did the rapper shave off his fancy moustache?

He couldn’t handle the bars!

What do you call an Astronaut's moustache?

Spacial Hair!

What comes after Movember?

Decembeard!

What’s another name for centipede?

A wall moustache!

I spent years looking for the perfect moustache

The truth was under my nose the whole time!

What do you call a man with no moustache?

A little boy!

Bacon jokes

Hey, I moustache a question!

Can eyebrows the web for the answer?

The barber took care of my moustache today

I look trimmingdously handsome!

How do you say ‘happy birthday’ to a moustache?

Have a fan-tache-stick birthday!

What do you call a moustache who brings dairy drinks right to you?

A milk moustache!

What's a bike's favourite type of moustache?

Handlebar!

What do you call a nut with a hairy lip?

A moustachio!

A pistachio with a moustache