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30 Best Sewing Jokes & Puns That'll Have You In Stitches!

If you're a comedian and looking for some hilarious material, check out these awesome sewing gags!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:Β  February 3rd 2023

If you're into sewing, needlecraft or any kind of craft, here's a funny thread of jokes to keep you entertained. They're tailor-made for anyone who enjoys a good yarn! They might even give you a stitch from laughing!

Sew... once you've from this lot, why not check out our Taylor Swift jokes, laundry puns or take a closer look at our glasses jokes!

How did the tailor keep in touch with their friends?

Sew-cial media!

Whatsapp on a smartphone

What did the dressmaker drink when they were thirsty?

Sew-da water!

A cheetah and a glass of water

What kind of needlework is angry?

Cross stitch!

What happened to the cat who ate a ball of wool?

They had mittens!

Did you hear about the clown who opened a tailor shop?

The customers were in stitches!

A big pair of clown shoes

I was going to make a bad pun about fabric...

But it felt wrong!

What did the textile seller name their two daughters?

Polly and Esther!

I told my friend a joke about needlepoint the other day...

It had them in stitches!

What happened when the dressmaker fell asleep at their table?

They woke up with pins and needles!

How can you tell if a sewing machine is trustworthy?

When it seams honest!

Why did the tailor put their head in a bucket of water?

They were bobbin for apples!

A man and a smiling apple

I write songs about sewing machines

I'm a Singer-songwriter!

A man and two cats singing at a piano

What did Captain Picard say when he saw his sewing machine?

Make it sew!

What’s the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly!

Dog joke

How did the tailor propose to their partner?

Let's get stitched!

How does a dressmaker travel?

Stitch-hiking!

After doing needlework, what should you use to wash your hands?

Sew-p and water!

What did the dressmaker have for pudding?

Lemon sew-bet!

What did the burglar say when they were caught with lots of blankets?

Quilty as charged!

Did you hear about the comedian tried to do a whole set about sewing?

They ran out of material!

How did the police realise the burglar was also into sewing?

They were following a pattern!

A burglar giving the thumbs down
Funny chicken

What did the tailor say when they stood on a sewing needle in their socks?

Darn!

Why do some people not take up sewing?

It looks harder than it seams!

Pug Jokes

What should you never say when someone's annoyed at a sewing machine?

You seam stressed!

What do you someone who mends clothes quickly?

Tailor Swift!

What did the needle and thread say when they went to the fairground?

This is sew much fun!

Why was the needle and thread so funny?

Because it had the fabric in stitches!

Did you hear about the comedian who told 30 jokes about sewing?

They were sew-sew!

A pigeon doing stand-up comedy

Why did the Olympic athlete refuse to make a blanket?

Because winners never quilt!

A hand clutching a gold medal

Why are Christmas trees rubbish at sewing?

They always drop their needles!

Which Christmas Tree are You quiz

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