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Tell Me Some Jokes

Looking for some jokes? Here you go!

Feast your eyes on these cracking gags! And there’s plenty more where these came from… we’ve got dad jokes, our joke of the day, extra-funny jokes…

All the jokes! That’s right, even bad ones!

I was about to tell a bowling joke to a friend…

Bowling ball

They said ‘spare me’!

How can you tell if a flamingo is hiding in a funfair?

The candyfloss tastes weird!

I’m a big fan of whiteboards.

They’re just re-markable!

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

But I couldn’t find any!

What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?

A polar bear!

Why do bees have sticky hair?

They use honeycombs!

I’m scared of elevators.

I’m taking steps to avoid them!

What’s green and has wheels?

The jungle. I lied about the wheels!

What’s brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on holiday!

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator!

If I had 50p for every failed math test…

I’d have £3.29!

So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means?

It’s not the end of the world!

What’s blue and not very heavy?

Light blue!

I own the world’s worst thesaurus.

Not only is it awful, it’s awful!

I hate Russian dolls.

They’re so full of themselves!

Which nut has won the World Cup the most?

Brazil nuts

A Brazil nut!

What’s the best way to catch an elephant?

Peanut hiding in the lawn

Hide in the grass and pretend to be a peanut!

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I dunno, but the flag is a big plus!

When did Napoleon keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a computer?

Lots of memory!

Why do cows wear bells?

best jokes of 2020

Because their horns don’t work!

I went to the local rugby stadium and it was really cool inside…

It must have been all the fans!