I’m a big fan of whiteboards.
They’re just re-markable!
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
But I couldn’t find any!
What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs!
I’m scared of elevators.
I’m taking steps to avoid them!
What’s green and has wheels?
The jungle. I lied about the wheels!
What’s brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on holiday!
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
If I had 50p for every failed math test…
I’d have £3.29!
So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means?
It’s not the end of the world!
What’s blue and not very heavy?
I own the world’s worst thesaurus.
Not only is it awful, it’s awful!
I hate Russian dolls.
They’re so full of themselves!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most?
A Brazil nut!
What’s the best way to catch an elephant?
Hide in the grass and pretend to be a peanut!
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I dunno, but the flag is a big plus!
When did Napoleon keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a computer?
Lots of memory!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work!
I went to the local rugby stadium and it was really cool inside…
It must have been all the fans!