Dad Jokes

Nobody likes cheesy jokes more than dads... here some truly groan-worthy dad jokes!

Dads love corny jokes! These eye rollers might as well have escaped from our cheese jokes page. 

We've got tons more dad jokes too - knock, knock jokes, What do you call...? jokes and What did...? jokes.

Enjoy... or enjoy not enjoying!

What do you call a sleepy Dad getting pizza for his kids?

Papa Yawns!

What do I have if I have 8 red LEGO bricks in one hand and 16 blue LEGO bricks in the other hand?

Really big hands!

Want to hear a joke about a balloon?

Oh wait, it just got away from me!

What's it like to work for a hot air balloon company?

It has its ups and downs!

What does a house wear?

Address!

Dogs can't go through MRI's

But cat scan!

What's the best time to see your dentist?

Tooth-hurty!

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Because it's pointless!

Why is corn such a good listener?

Because it's all ears!

What do you call an unpredictable camera?

A loose canon!

Why did the crab never share?

Because he's shellfish!

Did you hear the rumour about butter?

Well, I’m not going to spread it!

What do you call a man who can't stand?

Neil!

I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro...

It’s a total rip off!

Dad, did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut!

I keep trying to lose weight…

…but it keeps finding me!

What do you call a bear without any teeth?

A gummy bear!

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it!

Which pet is the loudest?

A trumpet!

Why can’t the T-rex clap its hands?

Because it's extinct!

What do you call a man who can't stand?

Neil!

I’ve just been diagnosed as colourblind...

It really came out of the purple!

What do you call a small mother?

A minimum!

Did you hear about the cow that was swept away in a tornado?

It was an udder disaster!

Why did the smart phone need glasses?

It lost all its contacts!

What type of magazines do cows read?

Cattlelogs!

What kind of tea you drink with the Queen?

Royal tea!

Where do you learn to make ice cream?

Sundae school!

Is this pool safe for diving?

It deep ends!

I don't trust stairs...

They're always up to something!

What does a nosey pepper do?

It gets jalapeno business!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two!

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day…

…but I couldn’t find any!

Have you ever tried to eat a clock?

It's very time consuming!

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck!

Whiteboards are great...

In fact, they're remarkable!

A scarecrow has just won an award...

...for being out-standing in his field!

The worst thing about sea sickness?

It comes in waves!

The best thing about elevator jokes?

They work on so many levels!

You never see elephants hiding in trees...

They must be really good at it!

You know what was a groundbreaking invention?

The spade!

They told me to stop doing flamingo impressions...

I had to put my foot down!

RIP bottled water...

You will be mist!

I used to have job collecting leaves...

I was raking it in!

You know what often gets overlooked?

Garden fences!

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time!

How do you cut the ocean in half?

With a sea-saw!

What does a house wear?

A dress!

Why did the picture go to jail?

Because it was framed!

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

What was the biggest problem with the restaurant on the moon?

It had no atmosphere!

Food jokes

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