100 Funny One Liner Jokes That Will Make Anyone Laugh!
Laugh-inducing one liners! Check out the Beano's jokes teams' ludicrously funny collection of the best one liners.
Make em' laugh with just a few words. These funny one liners are short, snappy and can guarantee fits of giggles! If you've been searching for the best one liners then we have a treat for you!
And when you're finished with these great one liners? Laugh it up with some eye-rolling corny jokes, what do you call...? jokes or even some disastrous Dad jokes! Fancy something a little random? Check out Beano's great joke generator!
I felt quite chilly at the football match...
The stadium was packed with fans!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/football-joke_0dc9cc.jpg?w=1024)
The sea said hello this morning...
It gave me a big wave!
![South Shields beach](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/south-shields.jpg?w=1024)
I found Will Smith walking in the snow...
I just followed the Fresh Prints!
![Snow tree](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/snow-tree.jpeg?w=1024)
I drank 8 glasses of lemonade...
I burped 7-up!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/goat-burp-2.jpeg?w=1024)
I heard a funny story about a small mountain...
It was hill-arious!
![Welsh mountain](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Wales-mountain-e1668529809247.jpeg?w=1024)
I saw a pirate's cat...
I went 'Arrrr!'
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/pirate2.jpeg?w=1024)
I've been banned from telling jokes to windows...
They always crack up!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/cracked-window.jpg?w=1024)
Barbers always get to places quickly...
They know all the short cuts!
![A man giving himself a haircut](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/home-haircut.jpg?w=1024)
My bee's hair is always sticky...
It uses a honey comb!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/bee-joke-5.jpg?w=1024)
I stay warm in any room by standing in the corner...
It's always 90 degrees!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/generic-funny.jpeg?w=1024)
I never like shopping for eggs...
I always get a raw deal!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/fried-egg.jpeg?w=1024)
Strawberries are such great musicians...
They love to jam!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/63104_Strawberry10.png?w=1024)
My alarm clock broke and I was late for school...
I was really ticked off!
![A man waking up late and checking his alarm clock](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/waking-up.jpg?w=1024)
I took my cat for some Mexican food...
They had a purrito!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/burrito.jpg?w=1024)
I stopped a bull from charging...
I unplugged its mobile phone!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/bull.jpeg?w=1024)
My cat made a cake...
They baked it from scratch!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/purple-cat.png?w=1024)
I saw a chimp at the North Pole...
It was lost!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/bonobo-monkey.jpg?w=1024)
I've got loads of jokes about flowers...
Not really, I was just pollen your leg!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/2-flowers.jpg?w=1024)
My robot is never afraid...
They've got nerves of steel!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/3-robot.jpg?w=1024)
I painted my toilet red...
Now it looks flushed!
![Toilet Jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/66465_Toilet-Jokes.png?w=1024)
My computer was freezing cold...
Turns out I'd left some windows open!
![A cat looking at a computer](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/cat-computer.jpg?w=1024)
I put two bananas on my feet...
They were slippers!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/10/electric-banana_.jpg?w=1024)
A lobster never shares their snacks...
They're so shellfish!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/82117_lobster.png?w=1024)
I made a tissue dance...
I put a little boogie in it!
![Tissue](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/39402_76_tissuedance.jpg?w=800)
A tornado asked me what game was fun to play...
I suggested Twister!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/tornado-3.jpg?w=1024)
I couldn't get to school because of a big squashed strawberry...
I was in a jam!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/63051_Strawberry2.png?w=1024)
I've grown a tree that fits in your hand...
It's a palm tree!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/tree.jpg?w=1024)
My pet duck got straight As at school...
They're such a wise quacker!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/4-duckbill.jpg?w=1024)
Did you know what the limestone said to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/stone-rock.jpg?w=1024)
My pet ant is a superhero who fights crime...
He's a vigilante!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/tiny-ant.jpg?w=1024)
I only catch cold on weekdays...
I have a weekend immune system!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/cold-snot-.jpeg?w=1024)
Do yo know when a joke becomes a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
![A dad gives his adult son a playful headlock](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/13-5.png?w=1024)
I don't like traveling to my computer job...
It's a hard drive!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/88231_Computer.jpg?w=1024)
A clown came out of the toilet...
They said, "Don't go in there, it smells funny!"
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/54433_clown.jpg?w=1024)
I bought a car with logs for wheels...
It wooden go!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/generic-laugh-3.jpeg?w=1024)
I wrote a book about glue...
People can't put it down!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/book-facts-2.jpg?w=1024)
Someone asked me if it was safe to dive into the pool....
I said it deep ends!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/75166_swimming.jpg?w=1024)
I bought a pencil with two erasers...
It was a pointless purchase!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/pencil-case.jpg?w=1024)
My mum asked me to put the bins out...
I didn’t know they were on fire!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/bin.jpg?w=1024)
I’m afraid of lifts...
I take steps to avoid them!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/70370_lift-joke.jpg?w=1024)
I have a job cleaning up leaves...
You could say I'm raking it in!
![Two dogs in a pile of leaves](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/dogs.jpg?w=1024)
I'm a scientist who won't work with atoms...
They make up everything!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/38125_SCIENCE.jpg?w=1024)
I'm an archaeologist with no job...
You could say my career was in ruins!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/friday-jokes.jpg?w=1024)
I'm a very organised lumberjack...
I keep a log!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/log-groot.jpg?w=1024)
I heard two cows were planning a date...
They went to the moo-vies!
![Cow laughing](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/69708_cows-laughing.jpg?w=1024)
I don’t like shopping centres.
Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall!
![A woman carrying shopping bags, plus a curious giraffe](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shopping.jpg?w=1024)
I took my pet leaf to the doctor last Autumn...
It had a fall!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/pale-green.jpeg?w=1024)
The hamburgers next door had a baby...
They called her Patty!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1361627531-1.jpg?w=1024)
I used to be afraid of art...
But I eventually I brushed it off!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/6-paint-palette.jpg?w=1024)
I was given a used phone...
There was no charge!
![A smartphone with a low battery](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/low-battery.jpg?w=1024)
I heard that a owl quit their job...
It didn't give a hoot!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/owl-jokes.jpg?w=1024)
Do you want to know how to fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/tomato-2.jpeg?w=1024)
My belt was arrested...
For holding up my pants!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/70340_police-officer-joke.jpg?w=1024)
It was an emotional wedding...
Even the cake was in tiers!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/70352_wedding-joke.jpg?w=1024)
Are all maths jokes bad?
No, just sum!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/fractions-maths.jpeg?w=1024)
I paid a large group of deer to do some work...
I gave them 100 bucks!
![Deer](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/deer-e1708354305578.png?w=1024)
Some seasons are cold...
And summer hot!
![summer jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/62507_gen90.jpg)
Had some green coloured ice cream...
It was mint!
![ice cream jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/62462_gen50.jpg)
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're going to pay...
You have my word!
![best jokes of 2020](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/62271_gen88.jpg)
I always give 100%...
Which is why I lost my job as an exam marker!
![exam jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/62198_gen46.jpg)
Failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil.
It just wasn’t 2B!
![exam jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/62191_gen40.jpg)
My calculator stopped working mid way through my exam.
I can’t count on it any more!
![exam jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/62189_gen38.jpg)
My pirate friend just got his exam results...
All high Cs!
![exam jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/62188_gen34.jpg)
I had plans to read a book about sinkholes...
But they fell through!
![book jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61547_gen17.jpg)
I just finished a book about Mount Everest...
It was a cliff hanger!
![book jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61546_gen82.jpg)
A book fell on my head...
I only have myshelf to blame!
![book jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61528_gen50.jpg)
When people ask if I'm an optimist...
I tell them, I hope so!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61478_gen55.jpg)
Two monkeys running a bath. One said, Oo, oo, oo, aah aah aah!
The other said, well put some cold in it then!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61477_gen50.jpg)
It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it, you’re adding raisins and marshmallows...
It's a rocky road!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61476_gen49.jpg)
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together...
Riveting!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61475_gen46.jpg)
Conjunctivitis.com...
There's a site for sore eyes!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61474_gen44.jpg)
I needed a password eight characters long...
I picked Snow White and the seven dwarves!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61473_gen43.jpg)
I love Snapchat...
I could talk about card games all day!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61472_gen42.jpg)
I told my doctor that I've hurt my arm in several places...
He told me not to go to those areas!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61471_gen40.jpg)
I’m learning the hokey cokey...
Not all of it. But I’ve got the ins and outs!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61470_gen39.jpg)
I rang up my phone company and said, I want to report a nuisance caller...
He said, not you again!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61469_gen38.jpg)
I'd tell you a chemistry joke...
But I know I wouldn't get a reaction!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61468_gen34.jpg)
I used to think I was indecisive...
But now I'm not sure!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61467_gen33.jpg)
To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero...
Thanks for nothing!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61466_gen32.jpg)
I was addicted to the hokey pokey...
but thankfully I turned myself around!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61465_gen31.jpg)
I tried to escape from the apple store...
but there were no windows!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61464_gen30.jpg)
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture...
I have a hunch it's going to be me!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61463_gen28.jpg)
I was hit in the head with a can of soda...
Luckily it was a soft drink!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61462_gen25.jpg)
I replaced my friend's bed with a trampoline...
They hit the roof!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61461_gen24.jpg)
People used to laugh at me when I would say I want to be a comedian...
Well nobody's laughing now!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61460_gen23.jpg)
R.I.P boiled water...
You will be mist!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/kettle.png?w=1024)
My friend asked me what the best thing about living in Switzerland was...
I said the flag is a big plus!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61458_gen21.jpg)
Samsung needed security to stand outside their store so they called...
Guardians of the galaxy!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/mobile-phone.jpg?w=1024)
Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am...
As an electrician!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61456_gen18.jpg)
I hate people who use big words...
They're just trying to make themselves look perspicacious!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61455_gen17.jpg)
Don't spell part backwards...
It's a trap!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61454_gen13.jpg)
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61453_gen12.jpg)
Doctor, doctor! There's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible.
Well tell them I can't see him right now!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61451_gen04.jpg)
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both left-ies
One the one hand, it's great. On the other, it's not!
![one-liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61450_00-gen5.jpg)
Someone asked for a donation towards the local swimming pool.
So I gave them a glass of water!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/75166_swimming.jpg?w=1024)
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off!
![one-liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61448_00-gen3.jpg)
Just burned 2,000 calories...
That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap!
![one liner jokes](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/61447_00-gen2.jpg)
Doctor, doctor! My sim has caught fire!
That'sSIMpossible!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/49947_arguing-sims.png)
Doctor, Doctor, I stood on a LEGO!
Try to BLOCK out the pain!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/48627_ouch.png)
Doctor, doctor! Can you give me something for my wind?
Yes, have a kite!
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/47280_gen39.jpg)
![](https://www.beano.com/wp-content/uploads/legacy/43072_JG.jpg)
Want more?
Check out the joke generator!
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