45 Funny One Liner Jokes That Will Make Anyone Laugh

Some seasons are cold...

And summer hot!

Had some green coloured ice cream...

It was mint!

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're going to pay...

You have my word!

I always give 100%...

Which is why I lost my job as an exam marker!

Failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil.

It just wasn’t 2B!

My calculator stopped working mid way through my exam.

I can’t count on it any more!

My pirate friend just got his exam results...

All high Cs!

I had plans to read a book about sinkholes...

But they fell through!

I just finished a book about Mount Everest...

It was a cliff hanger!

A book fell on my head...

I only have myshelf to blame!

When people ask if I'm an optimist...

I tell them, I hope so!

Two monkeys running a bath. One said, Oo, oo, oo, aah aah aah!

The other said, well put some cold in it then!

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it, you’re adding raisins and marshmallows...

It's a rocky road!

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together...

Riveting!

Conjunctivitis.com...

There's a site for sore eyes!

I needed a password eight characters long...

I picked Snow White and the seven dwarves!

I love Snapchat...

I could talk about card games all day!

I told my doctor that I've hurt my arm in several places...

He told me not to go to those areas!

I’m learning the hokey cokey...

Not all of it. But I’ve got the ins and outs!

I rang up my phone company and said, I want to report a nuisance caller...

He said, not you again!

I'd tell you a chemistry joke...

But I know I wouldn't get a reaction!

I used to think I was indecisive...

But now I'm not sure!

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero...

Thanks for nothing!

I was addicted to the hokey pokey...

but thankfully I turned myself around!

I tried to escape from the apple store...

but there were no windows!

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture...

I have a hunch it's going to be me!

I was hit in the head with a can of soda...

Luckily it was a soft drink!

I replaced my friend's bed with a trampoline...

They hit the roof!

People used to laugh at me when I would say I want to be a comedian...

Well nobody's laughing now!

R.I.P boiled water...

You will be mist!

My friend asked me what the best thing about living in Switzerland was...

I said the flag is a big plus!

Samsung needed security to stand outside their store so they called...

Guardians of the galaxy!

Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am...

As an electrician!

I hate people who use big words...

They're just trying to make themselves look perspicacious!

Don't spell part backwards...

It's a trap!

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant...

But then I changed my mind!

Doctor, doctor! There's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible.

Well tell them I can't see him right now!

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both left-ies

One the one hand, it's great. On the other, it's not!

Someone asked for a donation towards the local swimming pool.

So I gave them a glass of water!

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off!

Just burned 2,000 calories...

That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap!

Doctor, doctor! My sim has caught fire!

That'sSIMpossible!

Doctor, Doctor, I stood on a LEGO!

Try to BLOCK out the pain!

Doctor, doctor! Can you give me something for my wind?

Yes, have a kite!