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20 Best Train Jokes & Puns that Go the Extra Mile

Prepare to derail the conversation with these totally funny train jokes and puns.

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  August 11th 2022

This is the announcement for all passengers on platform 4. The train for Beanotown is about to depart, calling at Mirth, Merriment and Rolling-on-the-Floor. Make sure you’ve bought a one way ticket because these funny kids train jokes are totally off the rails! Once you’ve disembarked our hohohocomotive, if your still looking for laughs check out these everday travel jokes, take a trip to the Moon with our Moon Jokes or indulge in some stomach churning toilet humour jokes!

How do find out how heavy a whale is?

Take it to a whale weigh station!

I wanted to drive a train for ages…

But I kept getting sidetracked!

Why did the elephant refuse to travel by train?

He couldn’t fit his trunk on the luggage rack!

What do you call a train with a cold? 

Achoo choo train!

A train track and a motorway walk into McDonalds... 

The train track says “a burger for me, please, and one for the road!”

What with these train puns…

It’s hard to keep a freight face!

The driver took a train for a service

The vicar said it was blocking the aisle!

Modern trains are quite shy..

In the old days they had plenty of esteem!

What’s another word for a late train?

A slowcomotive!

Did you hear about the train thief?

He tried to cover his tracks!

A burglar giving the thumbs down

In the old days… 

Train drivers needed a brake to let off steam!

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train conductor? 

One trains the mind, the other minds the trains!

Ticket inspectors… 

You’ve got to hand it to them…

The best train one liner: 

A monorail!

A train is powered by electricity…

…More often
than it steams!

Where can you buy train buffers?

At an end of line sale!

The 70’s was a golden era for railways…

Everyone was wearing platforms!

Passenger: How often has this train derailed?

Driver: It’s hard to keep track!

What does Godzilla call trains?

Chew chews!

You know the troll underneath the railway bridge? 

He’s my arch enemy!

Did you hear about the train track that entered the Eurovision Song Contest?

He lost on points!

Are you training for a race?

No, I’m racing for a train!