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Turtle Jokes

Just sit back, shell-ax and enjoy the laughing at Beano's banterful bunch of top turtle jokes!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  July 6th 2021

Once you're finished howling at these, swim on over to our funny fish jokes, buzzing bee jokes or maybe even some catastrophic cat jokes!

For more comedy inspiration, head over to Beano's great joke generator

What do you call a turtle who is only awake at night?

turtle jokes

A noc-turtle!

I went into a book store to ask if they had any books about turtles. The cashier asked, hardback?

turtle jokes

I said, yeah, and little heads!

My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle

turtle jokes

Strange name but she TORTOISE well!

Why are turtles always shopping?

Turtle jokes

They like to shell out!

What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

turtle jokes

You get shell shocked!

What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?

Turtle jokes

Shellarious ones!

What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?

turtle jokes

A 6-foot turtle!

What do you call a flying turtle?

Turtle jokes

A shellacopter!

What is a turtles favourite game?

Turtle jokes


What does a turtle need to ride a bike?

turtle jokes

A shellmet!

What's a turtles favourite sandwich?

turtle jokes

Seanut butter and jellyfish!

What do you call a famous turtle?

Turtle jokes

A shellebrity!

What did the cow say to the turtle?

turtle jokes

Get a mooooove on!

Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?

turtle jokes

To the shell block!

Why is turtle wax so expensive?

turtle jokes

Because their ears are so small!

What kind of photos does a turtle take?

turtle jokes


What does a turtle do on it's birthday?

turtle jokes

It shellebrates!

Why did the turtle cross the road?

Turtle jokes

To get to the shell station!

How do turtles communicate?

Turtle jokes

A shellphone!

What do you get when you cross a turtle and a llama?

turtle jokes

A turtle-neck sweater!

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