Turtle Jokes

Just sit back, shell-ax and enjoy the laughing at Beano's banterful bunch of top turtle jokes!

Once you're finished howling at these, swim on over to our funny fish jokes, buzzing bee jokes or maybe even some catastrophic cat jokes!

For more comedy inspiration, head over to Beano's great joke generator

What do you call a turtle who is only awake at night?

A noc-turtle!

I went into a book store to ask if they had any books about turtles. The cashier asked, hardback?

I said, yeah, and little heads!

My favourite teacher at school was Mrs. Turtle

Strange name but she TORTOISE well!

Why are turtles always shopping?

They like to shell out!

What happens when you get into fight with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

You get shell shocked!

What kind of jokes do sea turtles tell?

Shellarious ones!

What do you call a turtle with 6 feet?

A 6-foot turtle!

What do you call a flying turtle?

A shellacopter!

What is a turtles favourite game?


What does a turtle need to ride a bike?

A shellmet!

What's a turtles favourite sandwich?

Seanut butter and jellyfish!

What do you call a famous turtle?

A shellebrity!

What did the cow say to the turtle?

Get a mooooove on!

Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?

To the shell block!

Why is turtle wax so expensive?

Because their ears are so small!

What kind of photos does a turtle take?


What does a turtle do on it's birthday?

It shellebrates!

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station!

How do turtles communicate?

A shellphone!

What do you get when you cross a turtle and a llama?

A turtle-neck sweater!

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