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290 Word Jokes That Are So Punny!

What's in a word? Loads of laughs! So ditch the dictionary and wrap your chops round our lexicon of lolz!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  December 22nd 2021

These jokes are really rewording! Get ready for some punny word play with these hilarious word jokes! If you've got time for more laughs, check out our clock jokes! We've also got lol-worthy library jokes, and if you liked those, stick your nose in these great book jokes ! Check out more hilarious jokes on our jokes hub!

What happens if you forget Dr. Claw's birthday?

He gets M.A.D.!

What does Inspector Gadget wear every day?

Wowsers!

Why is Inspector Gadget always confused?

He keeps getting his wires crossed!

Why did Inspector Gadget take the day off work?

He had a computer virus!

Why couldn't Inspector Gadget buy a coffee?

He ran out of cache!

What is Inspector Gadget's favourite part of New York City?

Man-hat-tan!

Inspector Gadget doesn't sleep at night...

He recharges!

What does Inspector Gadget dress up as at Halloween?

In-spectre Gadget!

A ghost surrounded by chains

What kind of car does Catwoman drive?

A Purr-geot!

What do you call a fake Catwoman?

A copy cat!

What was Catwoman's favourite lesson at school?

Mew-sic!

Why couldn't Catwoman send an emal?

She lost her mouse!

A cat looking at a computer

Where does Catwoman keep her sticking plasters?

A first aid kit!

Why did Catwoman want to be a drummer?

She was a good purr-cussionist!

What does Catwoman like to eat with a cup of tea?

A bis-cat!

What does Catwoman enjoy most about Christmas?

Santa Claws!

What did Catwoman say to Batman when he offered to make a sandwich?

Got ham?

A sandwich on a wooden floor

How does Catwoman sign her birthday cards?

With love and hisses!

What is Catwoman's favourite day of the week?

Caturday!

Why was Catwoman so annoyed by Batman?

She was in a bad mewd!

What does Catwoman call the police?

Claw enforcement!

What is Catwoman's favourite film?

The Sound of Mew-sic!

What is Catwoman's favourite colour?

Purr-ple!

What does Catwoman say when things go wrong?

This is a cat-astrophe!

A cat sticking its tongue out

What's Catwoman's favourite drink?

Kit-tea!

How does Catwoman get want she wants?

She's very purr-suasive!

Catwoman jokes

Why does Catwoman always get the top score on a video game?

Because she has 9 lives!

Why was Catwoman given a fine?

For kitty littering!

Which Inspector Gadget character is loved by cats?

Dr. Claw!

What kind of vehicle does Inspector Gadget drive?

A Go Go Gadget Kart!

Why did the cactus cross the road?

It got stuck to the chicken!

What did one cactus say to its friend?

We make a prickly pair!

What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you, Dad?

What does a  cactus wear to a business meeting?

A cac-tie!

What do you call a cactus on a plane?

Still just a cactus!

Is there something wrong with your cactus?

Yes, but I can't put my finger on it!

What should you say if you bump into a cactus?

“Ouch!”

What's the one job you shouldn't give a cactus at your birthday party?

Blowing up the balloons!

It’s hard to come up with 30 cactus jokes

It’s a real thorny problem!

Knock knock, who's there? Cactus.

Cactus who? Cactus makes perfect!

What did one cactus say to the fancy cactus?

You’re lookin’ sharp!

Why do coyotes howl in the night?

They can only see the cacti in the day!

What did the cactus say when he was robbing the bank?

“Stick ’em up!”

I dropped my cactus the other day. The worst part?

I caught it!

Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus

They say its bark is worse than its bite!

I ate a cactus today…

It had a sharp taste!

Customer: “How much for the goth cucumber?"

Clerk: “That’s a cactus."

What do you call a lot of cactus?

A cac-ton!

What did the food critic call the cactus pie?

A succulent meal!

If one cacti is a cactus, is one broccoli a brocculus?

Just some food for thought!

Broccoli and fried egg

What do you call a pineapple with no yellow part?

A cactus!

A pineapple and a three colour background

How did the cactus know all the answers to the test?

He was a sharp guy!

What did the cactus do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

What do you call it when a whole bunch of cactus fall over?

A cac-tas-trophy!

What's a cacti’s favourite Minion’s movie?

Des-prick-able Me!

What does a cactus say when greeting its friends?

Saguaro you doing?

Cacti in a desert landscape

What plays the trombone and dribbles everywhere?

The Salivation Army!

Why are toddlers so good at basketball?

They're always dribbling!

My favourite word is drool

It just rolls off my tongue!

Why didn't the dog get an education?

He was too drool for school!

Have you heard about religious droolers?

They're seeking salivation!

What's a baby's favourite drink?

Droolaid!

Fancy bottled water is so great...

It's mouth watering!

Why should you never eat next to a basketball player?

They always dribble!

What's slimy and thrown on the fire at Christmas?

A drool log!

Drool...

It's mouth watering!

Why are babies so rebellious?

They don't follow the drools!

What do babies use to do DIY?

Drools! (Tools)

What does ballet and makes dogs drool?

Anna Pavlova!

What's the opposite of a fun summer day?

A drool party!

What's a cat's drool called?

mewcus!

I accidentally got shampoo on my face the other day

It really made me foam at the mouth!

What do babies wear?

Droolry!

What's a babies favourite game?

Drool! (Pool)

I hate drinking cappuccinos...

They really make me foam at the mouth!

Did you hear about Pavlov's deaf dog?

He was the exception to the drool!

How do peacocks learn new skills?

They just wing it!

What's got a cool tail and is always looking at you from a hiding spot?

A peek-cock!

How do you disperse a group of peacocks?

Tell them to fan out!

I love peacocks...

I'm a huge fan!

What's got a beautiful tail and buzzes?

A beecock!

Why is the number '9' like a peacock?

It's nothing without its tail!

What's got feathers and always needs the loo?

A pee-cock!

What do you get if you cross a vegetable and a chicken?

A peacock!

Did you hear the story about the peacock?

It's a beautiful tale!

Why should you never play football with a peacock?

They always fowl!

What do you call a peacock in a hot country?

A self powered fan!

Where do peacocks go when they lose their tails?

A re-tail store!

What do you give a sick peacock?

Tweetment!

What goes blue, green, blue, green, blue, green?

A peacock falling downstairs!

What do you get if you cross a porcupine and a peacock?

A sharp dresser!

Why do emperors have peacocks in their gardens?

Elephants would squash the flowers!

What's got two feet, one head and 1000 eyes?

A peacock!

What does a peacock say when its cold?

Brrrrrrrrd!

What do you call an adolescent peacock?

A preenager!

Why was the peacock standing on a telephone pole?

It wanted to make a long distance caw!

What grants wishes and barks?

A fairy dogmother!

What slept for 100 years and floats in the sky?

The Aurora Borealis!

What did Aurora say when her photos weren't ready?

Some day my prints will come!

Why did Aurora lie on the edge of her bed?

She wanted to drop off!

What did Sleeping Beauty do on her phone?

Downloaded a nap!

How do you know if Sleeping Beauty likes you?

She gives you forty winks!

Why did Sleeping Beauty fall asleep in her breakfast?

She was egg-sausted!

What is Sleeping Beauty's favourite animal?

A zzzzebra!

What's Sleeping Beauty's favourite food?

Pizzzza!

I never know whether or not to trust Sleeping Beauty...

She could be spinning a yarn!

What sleeps all day and lives on Pride Rock?

Princess A-ROARa!

What money does Sleeping Beauty use?

Malifi-cents!

How come Maleficent could turn into a dragon?

She was just very talon-ted!

Why didn't Flora, Fauna and Merryweather live under a toadstool?

There wasn't mushroom!

What did Princess Aurora get for her birthday?

Peasants!

What did Aurora call her dress shop?

Once Upon A Seam

Aurora sold her old spinning wheel for half price

Now that's what I call fair-retail!

Why did Aurora go to sleep in the forest?

She wanted to sleep like a log!

Did you hear the one about Sleeping Beauty?

It's a pretty tired joke!

Who turned Sleeping Beauty into a fish?

Her fairy codmother!

What washing powder do they use under the sea?

Ariel!

Why didn't Ariel use a spoon to brush her hair?

It was pointless!

Why did Ariel fall out with Sebastian?

He was being shellfish!

Why couldn't Ariel lift her dad's trident?

It weighed a tri-TONNE!

What did Ariel say when she saw a hairbrush?

Fork-get it!

What did Triton say when Ariel tidied her bedroom?

Look at this stuff! Isn't it neat!

What did Ariel call her autobiography?

A Mermaid's Tale!

Why didn't Ariel want to explore the sunken ship?

It was a nervous wreck!

Did you hear about the club Flotsam and Jetsam set up?

It was electric!

What did Flotsam say to Jetsam when Ursula told them to trick Ariel?

I've got a bad eeling about this!

What do you call a prince that sits at the bottom of the sea?

Eric! (A wreck!)

What do you call Scuttle when he's flying over the bay?

A bagel!

Why was Scuttle sad?

He didn't have a gullfriend!

What does Scuttle drink out of?

A beaker!

What do you call a mermaid orphan?

An urchin!

Why does Ursula live under water?

She's scared of an Ariel attack!

How do you find out what Ariel weighs?

Check her scales!

What font do mermaids use?

Ariel!

How does Ariel contact her sisters?

With her shellphone!

What does Ursula use for money?

Squids!

What eats marmalade sandwiches and lives under the sea?

Squiddington Bear!

What do octopuses play at Hogwarts?

Squidditch!

How do you make a squid laugh?

Give it ten tickles!

Why was the squid sad?

He just had an inking feeling!

What do sea creatures use for money?

Squids!

Who lives in the Wild West and shoots ink?

Billy the Squid!

Where do octopuses live if they're down on their luck?

Squid Row!

What the squid say when she heard a funny joke?

'You're kraken me up!'

What happens when two squid love each other?

They get calimarried!

You'd think squid would be good at writing...

But you'd be inkcorrect!

Where do you keep newborn baby squid?

In an inkubator!

How did the squid go into battle?

Well armed!

What do you call a baby squid?

An inkling!

What do you get if you cross a duck and a squid?

A quacken!

What do you call a group of squid?

A squad!

When do squid wake up?

At the kraken of dawn!

Why are squid so silly?

Dunno, but they're always squidding around!

Why did the squid blush?

Because the seaweed!

What's got eight arms and robs banks?

A safe kraken!

Why should you always hang out with squid?

Because you'll be in for a kraken good time!

Why shouldn't you trust a piano tuner?

They just string you along!

Why are pianos good at studying?

They always take lots of notes!

How do you get to the top of a piano?

You scale it!

How do you tuna fish?

You don't tuna fish, you tuna piano!

How do you open a piano?

With a piano key!

What do you call a snowman playing the piano?

Meltin' John!

What happens when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

You get A flat minor!

What has keys but no lock?

A piano!

Why do pianists have such good eyesight?

They always C sharp!

What happens if you drop a piano in a military base?

You get A flat major!

What do you get if you cross a pianist and a magician?

Someone who asks you to 'Pick a chord'!

What's Beethoven doing right now?

Decomposing!

What do pianists eat with?

A tuning fork!

Why should you never borrow money from a classical pianist?

They're always Baroque!

What do you call a piano in hiding?

Low key!

What do you give an athlete who can play the piano?

A gold pedal!

How to you get a piano from Dover to Calais?

P&O!

What do you get if you cross a musical instrument and the star of John Wick?

Piano Reeves!

I've never bothered to learn the piano...

It's too much treble!

Why couldn't the classical musician find the piano?

It was in Haydn!

What did one cactus say to the other cactus?

Stick with me and we'll go places!

What is an egg's favourite kind of tree?

Yolk tree!

What's an egg's favourite American Football team?

Chick-ago Bears!

Why does the Easter Bunny paint their eggs?

It's too tricky to wallpaper them!

Easter Puns

Why did the chicken go to school?

To eggs-pand their knowledge!

What do you get if you cross Harsha with an egg?

A practical yolker!

Which petrol station do eggs use?

Shell!

What do you say to a chicken who gets a good school report?

Egg-cellent work!

An excellent school report card

How does a chicken prefer to pay for their shopping?

By using the eggs-press checkout!

Why don’t dinosaurs lay eggs? 

Because they're eggs-tinct!

Why did the egg hide?

They were a little chicken!

Bacon jokes

Why was the chick sent off during a game of football?

It committed a fowl on an egg!

When did the comedy hen get booed off stage?

They kept forgetting their yokes!

What do chickens drink at breakfast time?

An eggs-presso!

What is an egg's motto when doing school work?

Just fry your best!

Fried egg

How did the egg feel after running a marathon?

Eggs-hausted!

How does Joe Wicks’ pet chicken stay fit?

They eggs-ercise!

Chicken Jokes
Chicken Jokes

Why was the egg interested in becoming a Formula 1 driver?

They loved to eggs-celerate!

Happy racing driver

Why couldn’t the eggs go to the concert?

It was a shell out!

Double yolk egg

Why did the chicken get an 'F' at school?

They didn't study for their eggs-am!

A chicken crossing the road

Which animal will always make you laugh?

Hens – they'll always provide a yolk!

What did the egg say about escaping the kitchen?

“I might whisk it and run!”

A chef

Chuck Norris once froze a volcano by looking at it!

Volcano jokes

Chuck Norris has never cooked a hot meal.

Revenge is a dish best served cold!

A chef

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep...

He waits!

Chuck Norris tore up the Periodic Table...

Because he only believes in the element of surprise!

A scientist

Chuck Norris sacked his own shadow

for being too slow!

Chuck Norris once made a Slinky go upstairs!

It takes Chuck Norris 5 seconds...

To cook a minute steak!

Chuck Norris decides if a helium balloon will float!

Balloon Game

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

When Chuck Norris was born...

He gave his mum a lift home from the hospital!

We Googled the last time a baddie defeated Chuck Norris...

Zero results!

A cat looking at a computer

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity...

Twice!

Chuck Norris ordered a Whopper at a Pizza Hut...

And got one!

Chuck Norris doesn't do press ups to keep fit...

He's actually holding the Earth down!

Earth Facts

Chuck Norris didn't call the wrong number...

You picked up the wrong phone!

Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!

When people think they can hear a thunderstorm...

It's actually Chuck Norris applauding!

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win.

Forever!

Scrabble Quiz Thumbnail
Scrabble Quiz Thumbnail

Chuck Norris doesn't need a haircut.

His hair is scared to grow!

A man giving himself a haircut

They didn’t put Chuck Norris’ star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

They built Hollywood around his star!

Chuck Norris once made an onion cry!

Why doesn't Chuck Norris have a clock?

Because he decides what time it is!

Chuck Norris once built a snowman...

Out of warm water!

Chuck Norris doesn't need to blow his nose!

His germs simply run away!

Chuck Norris once kicked a lump of coal so hard it turned into a diamond!

Why don't farmers grow grapes?

Because they're raisin them!

Be careful if you get in a wine barrel...

The currant is very strong!

What do you call it when you add grapes to beef?

Raisin the steaks!

I can't tell you why I like grapes...

But I have my raisins!

I want to talk to you about dried grapes...

I'm trying to raisin awareness!

Where do grapes keep their money?

In their currant account!

What happens if you step on a grape?

It lets out a little wine!

What's a grape's favourite fruit?

A grapefruit!

Would you drink grape juice?

Sure, wine not!

I have a lot of raisins...

I'm very grapeful!

What did one grape say to the other?

I love you a bunch!

How do grapes communicate?

On the grape vine!

I've love that new song about grape preserves...

It's my currant jam!

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

'Breathe out!'

What would a news show hosted by grapes be called?

The Currant Affairs Show!

What do you call a fruit that never says thank you?

Ungrapeful!

What's purple and hangs on a vine?

A green grape holding its breath!

Why should you swap sultanas and raisins?

To get the currant exchange rate!

Where do you bury a grape?

In a vineyard!

I don't know who first invented raisins...

But it was a grape idea!

How do you feel about fractions?

I’m partial to them!

I thought fractions were easier than decimals...

I think I was missing the point!

Why did the fraction cross the road?

To meet his other half!

7/4 of all people… 

Admit that they’re bad with fractions!

I tried to fight a fraction once…

It wasn’t a rational decision!

Why did the one fifth go for a massage?

Because he was two tenths!

I don’t usually make jokes about fractions...

But I will make one if I halve two!

I can only ask for things in fractions…

It's really causing some division!

I speak in simplified fractions…

Half of what I say makes sense!

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will find this funny!

I’ve realised my friends stopped coming around because of my obsession with simplifying fractions…

Hindsight is 1!

My fraction teacher mumbles…

Either that or I third incorrectly!

What did the fraction do when his mum tripped over?

He quarter! 

What’s a fractions favourite film?

Star Wars Episode 3. Revenge of the Sixth!

Top Star Wars Villains

Why use fractions instead of decimals?

It's pointless!

Where do fractions camp?

Tenth!

Who’s the King of fractions?

Henry the Eighth!

What part of the equation doesn’t know how to use cutlery?

It’s the common denominator!

What did God say to the fraction when he wanted to divide something by four?

Go fourth and multiply!

With only a fraction of my wealth I could buy Man City!

That fraction would have to be 1000000000/2!

Yesterday I saw the police gathered around some spilt Scrabble tiles!

I asked some guy “What’s the word on the street?”

How do you compliment a kitten in five letters?

U R A Q T!

What are a Dentist’s favourite four letters?

I C D K!

What occurs once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?

M!

Me: Waiter, there’s no pasta bits in my Alphabetti Spaghetti!

Waiter: You must’ve got all the spaces!

What is a pirate's favourite letter?

You'd think it'd be Arrgh, but his heart belongs to the C.

What's a pirate's least favourite letter?

To whom it may concern,
You are being investigated for downloading copyrighted content.

Me: I’m afraid of random letters
Doctor: you are?

Me: AAARGH!

What is an astronauts favourite letter on a keyboard?

SPACE

What word starts with an E, ends with an E,  but only contains a single letter? 

An Envelope!

Postman Pat Jokes
Postman Pat Jokes

What is Paul McCartney’s favourite consonant?

Letter B, letter B, letter B yeah letter B!

What do vampires learn at school?

The alphabat!

How many letters are in the alphabet? 

24 because ET went home!

I ate four cans of Alphabetti spaghetti…

And just had the largest vowel movement ever!

A man holding lots of toilet rolls

How many letters are in the alphabet? 

11. T.H.E.A.L.P.H.A.B.E.T

What do gnomes learn at school?

The elf-abet!

I quite like 25 letters of the alphabet…

But I love u!

Why can’t a pirate finish the alphabet?

They spend ages at C!

At nursery school, I loved this one letter so much, whenever I saw it I had to touch it…

My teacher would whisper "Prodigy..."

I’m BFF’s with 25 letters of the alphabet…

I don’t know y!

When I was a baby my mum told everyone I loved alphabetti spaghetti?

She was just putting words in my mouth!

What letter is delivered straight to the toilet?

P

When I saw "HI" in the alphabet I thought I’d made a new BFF

Then I saw the next two letters. JK!

Why is B cool? 

Because it’s between AC!

Ed Sheeren is really into the alphabet…

He’s in love with the shape of u!

What has more letters than the alphabet? 

The post office!

What 7 letters do you say to a snack drawer with no snacks!

o i c u r m t

Why didn’t Santa give the alphabet presents?

Because most of the letters are not-E!

Cheeky Kid: What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? 
Teacher: Y. 

Cheeky Kid: Cause I wanted to know!

What’s the longest word in the Dictionary? 

Smiles! There is a mile between the start and finish!

Which American Football team has the coolest helmets?

The one with the most fans!

Where does a ghost prefer to watch a game of American Football?

Under the ghoul posts!

Which American Football game do cats love watching?

The Goldfish Bowl!

Who is the star of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?

Captain Hook!

Which insect should you not have on your American Football team?

A fumble bee!

A honey bee sitting on a violet flower

What does a LA Rams fan do when their team has won the Super Bowl?

Turn off their Xbox!

A gamer grandad

Why was Cinderella such a rubbish American Football player?

Her coach was a pumpkin!