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290 Word Jokes That Are So Punny!

What's in a word? Loads of laughs! So ditch the dictionary and wrap your chops round our lexicon of lolz!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  December 22nd 2021

These jokes are really rewording! Get ready for some punny word play with these hilarious word jokes! If you've got time for more laughs, check out our clock jokes! We've also got lol-worthy library jokes, and if you liked those, stick your nose in these great book jokes ! Check out more hilarious jokes on our jokes hub!

Which computer is the best singer?

A Dell!

What did Adele say to her friend in the playground?

Hello from the other slide!

What did Adele say to the sheep?

I'll find someone like ewe!

Why did Adele contact a medium?

She wanted to say hello from the other side!

How does Adele get to the shops?

Rolling in the jeep!

What did Adele say when she wasn't getting her money on time?

Should I just keep chasing payments?

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side!

I'm a big fan of Adele...

She had me at Hello!

What do you call a food shop run by a British singer?

A deli!

What did the cow say to Adele?

Hello from the udder side!

Why couldn't Adele open the piano?

The keys were on the inside!

What happened when Adele went swimming?

She was rolling in the deep!

What happens when Adele's holding a fish?

She's carrying a tuna!

Why did Adele get arrested?

She was in treble!

Why did Adele put her head on the piano keys?

She was playing by ear!

If you really want to sing with Adele...

Just duet!

What's Adele's favourite soft drink?

Pop!

Why can't a Mac sing?

Because it's not Adele!

Why doesn't Adele sound good when she sings in her apartment?

It's a little flat!

What did Adele's singing teacher say when she lost her voice?

No notes!

What did Adele say to her friend when she way on the rollercoaster?

Hello from the other ride!

Why does Adele always bring a fish on stage?

To remember her scales!

Why did Adele climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

What did Adele say on the beach?

Hello from the other tide!

Why was Adele's phone bill so high?

She must have called a thousand times!

What's Adele's favourite American city?

Phil-Adele-phia!

Why did Adele's matches get wet?

She kept trying to set fire to the rain!

Why did Adele get singing lessons from a dog?

She wanted a husky voice!

Why isn't Adele allowed on public transport?

She set fire to the train!

What did Adele say to the cow?

Never mind, I'll find someone like moo!

Did you hear about the toast who was a criminal mastermind?

They were on the police's toast wanted list!

Why was the slice of toast late for school?

It just didn't get bread-y in time!

What do you call a sandwich who's sunbathed too long on the beach?

Toastie!

Did you hear about the joke about the Croque Monsieur?

It was too cheesy!

Cheese toastie

What did the toast say after helping their friends?

It was the yeast I could do!

How do you say hello to German toasted bread?

Gluten tag!

What do you call a sci-fi loving bird of prey eating avocado on toast?

A Millenial Falcon!

Avocado toast

A piece of toast goes to a cafe and the owner said...

"Sorry, we've stopped serving breakfast!"

Two slices of toast

What do astronauts put on their toast?

Space jam!

What do you call a psychic gnome that’s on the run?

A small medium at large!

Did you hear about the gnome dancers that robbed half the city?

They had a good run, but the jig is up!

What do Dutch rodents put on their toast?

Hamster jam!

Gnomes don’t understand jokes

they go right over their heads!

I was cleaning one of my garden statues and broke it

I don't gnome my own strength!

How does toast study?

It uses toast-it notes!

What do you say to toast that's fallen face down on the floor?

Butter luck next time!

Where does bread go to send a letter?

The toast office!

Why did the baker bury his breakfast at the beach?

They loved feeling their toast in the sand!

I met a gnome once, it was awkward

I’m not very good at small talk!

What did the toast say to their girlfriend?

I loaf you!

What do you get if you cross a cow and a gnome?

Condensed milk!

Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?

Because they're so good at shorthand!

What did the toast say to their child?

Go to sleep, it's past your bread time!

What did the flour say to the slice of toast?

I only saw you a few hours ago!

What does Santa have for breakfast?

Mistle-toast!

Santa Jokes
Santa Jokes

What is a gnome’s favorite Shakespeare play?

Gnomeo and Juliet!

 Why are so many gnomes successful?

Good things come to gnomes who wait!

What did the loaf of bread and toaster do at Halloween?

Told each other toast stories!

A pineapple and a toaster

What did the slice of bread say to the other when they saw butter on the table?

Oh no, we're toast!

Why can’t you stop making Frodo gnome garden statues?

Because it’s so hobbit forming!

A sprout holding a sword

Knock Knock! Who’s there?

A Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!

Why are gnomes so honest

They don’t like telling tall tales!

What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?

Gnome-gnome-gnom-nom!

What do you call it when you’re not allowed in your own garden?

A gnome-man’s land!

I found an alien in my garden, sitting by the pond in a red pointy hat

It was E.T - faux gnome!

What do they call a Gnome who lives in a city?

A metronome!

Why are gnome jokes all one-liners?

They like to keep it short!

Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?

He’s one foot tall!

Shoe Jokes Thumbnail
Shoe Jokes Thumbnail

What did the toast say during a game of hide and seek?

Bready or not, here I crumb!

Chocolate spread on toast

What did the toast get on Valentine's Day?

Flours!

A chef

I love cooking meat for tiny men...

...make gnome a steak!

Bacon jokes

Who’s the most famous gnome philosopher?

Gnome Chomsky!

What do sharks like on their toast?

Mermalade!

A shark roaming the deep waters

What did the piece of toast say to the psychic?

Wow, you bread my mind!

How does Darth Vader like his toast?

A bit on the dark side!

Darth Vader Jokes

Why was the piece of toast late for work?

It got stuck in a jam!

How does toast greet people?

Slice to meet you!

Why did the slice of toast take the day off work?

They felt really crumby!

Why did the loaf hate the summer?

They felt too toasty!

Bread Jokes
Bread Jokes

What does a slice of toast wear to bed?

Py-jam-as!

What do gnome cowboys sing?

Gnome on the range!

What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat saying "tick tick tick"?

A metro-gnome!

Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?

Because the grass tickles their armpits!

What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga?

Gnom-aste!

Shout out to my grandma!

It's the only way she can hear me!

What do your grandma and the internet have in common?

You always have to accept the cookies!

Why didn't grandma enjoy her new stairlift?

It was driving her up the wall!

What do you call it when you have your grandma on speed dial?

Insta-gran!

My gran just had cataract surgery

It was an eye opening experience!

What do you call a relative who loves spelling and punctuation?

Grandma-tically correct!

I keep telling gran to get a hearing aid

But she won't listen!

Why did grandma get wheels for her rocking chair?

She wanted to rock and roll!

What do grandma's teeth and the stars have in common?

They both come out at night!

How do you weigh your mum's mum

In gram-mas!

Which grandma is always trying to give you fruit?

Granny Smith!

My grandma doesn't need glasses...

She drinks straight out of the carton!

The police spotted my gran knitting while driving

'Pull over!' they yelled, 'No, it's a scarf!' she said!

My gran keeps missing her knitting club

She's a bit out of the loop!

What do you get if you cross a sheep and your gran?

A baaaa-nana!

My gran started walking 5 miles a day at the age of 55

She's 90 now, and we have no idea where she is!

Why do grandmas smile all the time?

They can't hear a word your saying!

How did grandma get grandpa to stop biting his nails?

She hid his teeth!

What noise does a police car make when grandma gets arrested?

'Nana-nana-nana-nana!'

Why should you always eat your grandmas food?

So her plans aren't foiled!

My grandma always said the way to a man's heart is through is stomach

Which is why she's not allowed to be a surgeon anymore!

Did you hear my grandmother got an award for best grandparent?

She won a Grammy!

What happened to Granny Smith?

She grew to a ripe old age!

My gran was a pastry chef

Old age creped up on her!

Why was grandma so angry?

She was doing cross stitch!

Why did Molly knit her grandson 3 socks?

She heard he'd grown a foot!

I said I'd pay my gran £5 to use her stairlift

I hoped she'd take me up on it!

Why are the grans of rappers so happy?

Their grandchildren can perform hip op!

What's the difference between Doctor Who and his gran?

A regeneration gap!

My gran does Kung Fu...

She's a grandma-rtial artist!

How did the tailor keep in touch with their friends?

Sew-cial media!

Whatsapp on a smartphone

What did the dressmaker drink when they were thirsty?

Sew-da water!

A cheetah and a glass of water

What kind of needlework is angry?

Cross stitch!

What happened to the cat who ate a ball of wool?

They had mittens!

Did you hear about the clown who opened a tailor shop?

The customers were in stitches!

A big pair of clown shoes

I was going to make a bad pun about fabric...

But it felt wrong!

What did the textile seller name their two daughters?

Polly and Esther!

I told my friend a joke about needlepoint the other day...

It had them in stitches!

What happened when the dressmaker fell asleep at their table?

They woke up with pins and needles!

How can you tell if a sewing machine is trustworthy?

When it seams honest!

Why did the tailor put their head in a bucket of water?

They were bobbin for apples!

A man and a smiling apple

I write songs about sewing machines

I'm a Singer-songwriter!

A man and two cats singing at a piano

What did Captain Picard say when he saw his sewing machine?

Make it sew!

What’s the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly!

Dog joke

How did the tailor propose to their partner?

Let's get stitched!

How does a dressmaker travel?

Stitch-hiking!

After doing needlework, what should you use to wash your hands?

Sew-p and water!

What did the dressmaker have for pudding?

Lemon sew-bet!

What did the burglar say when they were caught with lots of blankets?

Quilty as charged!

Did you hear about the comedian tried to do a whole set about sewing?

They ran out of material!

I just bought a new goose, but it’s massive

It's a humongoose!

What language do Brazilian geese speak?

Portu-geese!

Hey you! You need to stew goose feathers gently below boiling point!

That’s right - simmer down!

What do you call turbulence while riding a flying goose?

Goose bumps!

What did Mother Goose name her newborn son?

Ryan Gosling!

Petting geese always makes me sad

Because every time I do, I feel a little down

How did the police realise the burglar was also into sewing?

They were following a pattern!

A burglar giving the thumbs down
Funny chicken

What did the tailor say when they stood on a sewing needle in their socks?

Darn!

Why do some people not take up sewing?

It looks harder than it seams!

Pug Jokes

What should you never say when someone's annoyed at a sewing machine?

You seam stressed!

What do you someone who mends clothes quickly?

Tailor Swift!

What did the needle and thread say when they went to the fairground?

This is sew much fun!

Why was the needle and thread so funny?

Because it had the fabric in stitches!

What's a goose's favourite city?

Honk Kong!

Did you hear about the comedian who told 30 jokes about sewing?

They were sew-sew!

A pigeon doing stand-up comedy

Why did the Olympic athlete refuse to make a blanket?

Because winners never quilt!

A hand clutching a gold medal

Why are Christmas trees rubbish at sewing?

They always drop their needles!

Which Christmas Tree are You quiz

Would you like to try some goose?

No thanks, I'm just taking a gander!

How is a flock of geese like an airplane full of encylopedias?

They’re flying in-formation!

The goose said to me, “Quuuaack?” I replied, “Quack, quack”

My brother said, “I didn’t know you speak Portugeese!”

I have a racing goose for sale.

Let me know if you wanna take a quick gander!

Which side of a goose has the most feathers?

The outside!

A goose is composed of 4 elements: Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and Potassium

HONK!

Other animals: Winter is almost here. What are we supposed to do now?

Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?

What sound does a Swedish goose make?

HJONK!

What do you get if you cross a goose with a cow?

A mooooose!

I love geese but I can’t speak like them

I'm not allowed to use fowl language!

Why did the police arrest the goose?

They suspected it of fowl play!

What happened to the geese that banged their heads?

They got goose bumps!

I'm taking the goose farmer to the dance...

I heard she knows how to get down!

Geese keep attacking my dog when I take him to the park

Guess that’s what happens with a pure bread dog!

What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux!

What does an ancient Egyptian goose say?

Ankh, ankh!

Pyramids in Egypt

The pet shop is giving away male geese for free

I might go take a gander!

What do you call a possessed bird?

A polter-goose!

A ghost floating against a pink background

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don’t, you get down from a goose!

My friend lost all of his birds

He went after them, but it was a wild goose chase!

What kind of clothes are made with Australian goose feathers?

Down Under wear!

Which dessert is the most gullible?

A gooseberry fool!

Why did the kids insist on watching a cartoon before school?

It was Bluey Monday!

A French bulldog puppy

What day of the week felt sick?

Blurgh Monday!

Why was the wind sad?

It was Blew Monday!

A person struggles to hold an umbrella up during a windy day

Why was New Order's Blue Monday such a hit?

It featured a great Hook!

Guitar Jokes

Why did the skeleton laugh at Blue Monday jokes?

They found them extremely humerus!

Which time of year do ghosts make the most noise?

Blue Moan-day!

A cat and a ghost

Blue Monday isn't so bad...

Only 48hrs ago it was a sadder day! 

What does Sonic need on a Blue Monday?

A hedge-hug!

What do you call a Star Wars character who's feeling a bit miserable?

A Blue Monday-lorian

What did the zookeeper say to the aardvark on Blue Monday?

Why the long face?

How do dustbins feel on Blue Monday?

Rubbish!

What do you call a person who is happy on Blue Monday?

Someone who thinks it's Tuesday!

My friend spends 75% of his time playing American Football and the other 25% playing Baroque music

He's a quarterbach!

What is Beethoven's favourite fruit?

"Ba-na-na-naaaaa!"

I went to buy some classical music today...

But I forgot my Chopin Liszt!

They say classical music was written to speak through the ages

Bach to the future!

What's the difference between a chainsaw and a saxophone?

You can tune a chainsaw!

I wanted to tell you a joke about Carmen

but I’m too Bizet at the moment!

Did you know Mozart was a child prodigy?

He was A sharp minor!

Want to hear the joke about the staccato in Mozart?

Never mind it’s too short!

I’d tell you a Tchaikovsky joke but…

It’s rather Pathétique!

I have a joke about Wagner

But it would take 110 musicians and four days to tell!

How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

1! They just hold on and the world revolves around them!

Why did the pirate buy a Pavarotti album?

Because he loved the high Cs!

What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you throw a banjo in the bin and it lands on an accordion!

How does a soprano sing a scale?

Do, Re, Mi, Me, Me, Me, Me ME!

Middle C, E flat and G walk into a bar

"Sorry," the barman said. "We don't serve minors!"

How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a tuba glue!

How can you tell if a singer's at your door?

They can't find the key and don't know when to come in!

Classical musicshould get “Bach” to basics

Because if it ain’t “Baroque”, don’t fix it!

My dog likes classical music

Whenever she hears it, she's always Wagner tail!

So I have this chicken that listens to nothing but classical music...

All she wants is “Bach Bach Bach”!

Earlier today I heard Classical music coming from my wallet...

I opened it, and realised I had 3 tenners in it!

I don’t think wind turbines like classical music.

I hear they’re big metal fans, though!

Killer Whales like classical music so much...

That they form Orcastras!

What do you call a student who has to stay home because they're unwell?

A quaran-teen!

Little Mermaid Joke

Why did the teenager not enjoy doing work experience in a jam factory?

It was a jarring experience!

Strawberry jokes
Strawberry jokes

Why did the teenager want to become a mirror cleaner when they were older?

It was a job they could see themselves doing!

Why did the teenager keep telling jokes in chemistry class?

They wanted to get a reaction!

Chemistry Jokes
Chemistry Jokes

Did you hear about the teenager who did their exams while camping?

They said it was in-tents!

What was The Rock called when he was a teenager?

The Pebble!

What do you call a teenager who scores a hat trick in the FA Cup final?

Great at FIFA!

Why did the teenager look up to their teacher?

They were really tall!

A teacher points at a student

How many teenagers does it take to clear the dinner table?

No-one knows as it has never happened!

A person thinking about spelling

What do you call a tidy 13-year-old's bedroom?

Pris-teen!

Why did the teenager think their phone was broken?

They pressed the home button but were still stuck at school!

iPhone Jokes
iPhone Jokes

How many emo teens do you need to screw in a light bulb?

None. They sit in the dark and listen to music!

Why did the hipster teen burn their mouth on their food?

They ate it before it was cool!

Sunday dinner

What do you call a young adult who can chop paper with their hand?

A guillo-teen!

Why are teenagers so passionate about climate change?

They're doing it for the Greta good!

What happened to the teenagers who couldn't stop using social media?

They got tweetment!

Whatsapp on a smartphone

Why didn't the teenager want to do a history job when they were older?

They said there was no future in it!

Why did the young kangaroo go to the vet?

For some roo teen surgery!

What do you call someone who always acts like a teenager?

Constantine!

How many teenagers does it take to wash the dishes?

Whatever!

A man washing dishes

Why couldn't the teenage plug go to the party?

They were grounded!

Why did the teenager put a Slinky in their trainers?

They wanted to put a spring in their step!

How do you call the supermarket section for teenagers?

The juvenile!

What's the difference between a teenager's joke and a dad joke?

A dad joke is full groan!

A dad preparing to do some DIY

What do you call it when a teenager eats from a toddler's plate?

Child dish!

What did the teenager do when they were asked to stop pretending to be a flamingo?

They put their foot down!

An upside down flamingo

There are so many jokes about classical music

I could make you a Liszt!

Why did the teenager call 17 of their friends to watch a film?

Because on the poster, it said “under 18s not allowed”!

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

 It was stuck to the teenager’s foot!

A lump of chewing gum

What did one teenager say to the other teenager?

Nothing. They just texted!

A woman listens to music on big headphones while a cat sings along

Why was the teenage duck embarrassed?

His voice quacked!

Why do teenagers gather in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can’t even!

Customer: Are you sure this fish is cooked? Shopkeeper: Yes, why?

Customer: Because it’s eaten all the chips!

What country does battered fish come from?

Greece!

What do you call a chip shop with no fish in?

Deficient!

Why do crisps have so much less potato in than chips these days?

Inflation!

I like both kinds of British cuisine...

Fish AND chips!

Two priests decided to open a Fish and Chip shop...

One was a Fish Friar, the other was a Chip Monk!

An emperor racoon and a pile of chips

The fish and chip shop near me has gone into liquidation

The owner is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice!

Why is chip shop scampi always served in such small portions?

They’re a bit shellfish!

What do you call a male sheep that works in a fish and chips shop?

A battering ram!

So many people wanted seasoning

That the chip shop queue ground to a salt!

Doctor, Doctor! I think I need glasses!

You certainly do! This is a fish and chip shop!

How can you tell when a birthday cake is sad?

When it's in tiers!

What's the biggest birthday party you can throw for a dog?

A ball!

A dog eating a donut

Why are birthdays good for you?

Scientific research shows that the people who have the most live the longest!

Why was the cat's birthday party so loud?

They kept turning up the mewsic!

How does sweetcorn spend their birthday?

They relish every moment!

How do you greet a piece of cheese on their birthday?

Hap-brie birthday!

When’s your birthday? March 12.

What year? Every year!

What do you say to a tiger when they're a year older?

It’s roar birthday!

Why did the teddy bear not want any birthday cake?

It was stuffed!

A boy holding a teddy bear

When I was born, I was so surprised...

I didn’t talk for a year and a half!

What sort of birthday cake do ghosts have?

I scream cake

A cat and a ghost

What kind of birthday cake does Elsa love?

Anything covered in frosting and icing!

What does every birthday end with?

The letter Y!

Where do you get your cat's birthday present?

A cat-alogue!

What do you get a farmer for their birthday?

A birthday pheasant!

What did the fart do on their birthday?

They smell-abrated!

Woman holding her nose and fart clouds

What do you say to a tree on their birthday ?

Many sappy returns!

What did the old pirate say on his birthday?

Aye, matey!

What did Harry Potter do on his birthday?

He spell-abrated!

Harry Potter and flying books

What do a birthday cake and a golf ball have in common?

You can slice them!

A mouldy sandwich watches a game of golf

How did sailor celebrate his birthday?

He had a whale of a time!

What do you say to a rabbit on their birthday?

Hoppy birthday!

What does a tortoise do on their birthday?

They shell-a-brate!

A tortoise shell

What do you say to a shark on their birthday?

I hope you have a fin-tastic time!

Why did cavemen not send birthday gifts?

Rocks were too expensive to post!

A prehistoric man in a cave

Why was the toilet full of balloons and cake?

It was a birthday potty!

What do you always get on your birthday?

A year older!

Funny Birthday Jokes
Funny Birthday Jokes

Doctor, I get a burning throat every time I have some birthday cake!

Take the candles off!

A birthday cake

What did one pea say to the other?

A pea birthday!

Mushy peas

Why shouldn't you invite a burglar to a birthday party?

They take the cake!

A burglar giving the thumbs down

Why couldn't the pony sing happy birthday?

They were a little hoarse!

What do you call someone who goes after lizards?

A cold blooded killer!

What do you call a lizard who tells jokes?

A stand up chameleon!

Where does a lizard go when it needs a new tail?

The retail store!

How do you weigh a lizard?

With its scales!

What do you call an lizard that likes water?

An aguana!

What do you call a lizard who says mean things about you?

A slandermander!

When are you going to take your lizard for a walk?

I'm goanna do it soon!

What's Boy George's favourite type of lizard?

A karma chameleon!

How do lizards decorate their bathrooms?

With rep-tile!

This joke about imaginary lizards is so boring...

So I don't want to let it dragon!

What do you call a female reptile?

Liz!

What do you call a multi-coloured lizard?

A dye-saur!

What did the mum lizard say to the baby lizard?

Close your mouth, you're catching flies!

What did one lizard say to another?

You're one in chameleon!

Who's a reptile's favourite singer?

Lizzo!

What do you call a snake on a rollerskate?

An aspiring lizard!

What do you call a lizard who also looks after children?

A baby monitor!

What do you get if you cross a lizard and a wizard?

A salamancer!