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20 Height Jokes and Puns

You want 20 hilarious jokes about height? That's a tall order! Luckily we've got them right here... and that's the long and short of it!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  April 15th 2024

It doesn't matter if you like reaching new heights with your humour or prefer to keep your jokes down to earth... this list of hilarious height jokes will have something for you! So read on to find out how farmers measure their height, or how tall the average grandmother is!

If you're looking for other giggle-worthy gags then check out these high-rolling money jokes, these big nose jokes, or even these scone jokes!

Ok - ready to check out the highs and lows of these 20 height jokes? Let's go!

Why should you wear ‘tall trousers’?

Because it’s good high-jean!

Why is a Stormtrooper's height measured in feet and inches?

They use Imperial measurements!

Want to hear the joke about height?

Never mind, it’s too short!

Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda to borrow some money?

Because he’s always short!

What do you call a short, inner-city man who accurately keeps time?

A metro-gnome!

Today at the park / saw a six foot tall pigeon

Now that's a high coo!

How tall are baby cows?

About calf height

I envy tall people

They sleep longer!

How tall is the world smallest grandmother?

One Nanameter!

Why was the king only a foot tall?

Because he was a ruler!

What's the most exciting height to be?

Yay high!

My dad moved in mysterious circles

He had one leg shorter than the other!

I got kicked out of the park today for arranging the squirrels by height

They didn’t like my critter sizing!

They say that height makes you allergic to beans

Sounds like a tall story to me!

If I were a farmer, how would I measure my height?

From my head, tomatoes!

What English word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?


What’s ET short for?

So he can fit in the spaceship!

What do you call a short comedian?

A little funny!

Why was the builder so short?

She had been contracting for a long time!

Why do paleontologists measure the height of dinosaurs using a T-Rex's foot?

Jurassic times call for Jurassic Measures!