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Beano Comic

Hockey Jokes

There’s not much to laugh about when it comes to hockey. It’s a deadly serious sport. Only kidding! The Beano can find the funny in any subject (even homework). So if you like a laugh AND taking penalty-corners then this list of scooper-dooper hockey jokes is for YOU!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  February 11th 2022

Get your shin pads (or ice skates depending on what type of hockey you like) on for our hilarious line-up of hockey jokes! And if these hockey jokes don’t (hockey) stick in you mind you can have a chuckle at our striking 35 Funny Football Jokes or try our 20 Funny Rugby Jokes For You To Try!

How does a hockey player protect his legs?

With shinty pads!

What does an ice-hockey player do on a beach holiday?

Wayne Rejetskis!

Why do stand up comedians play hockey? 

They just have their shtick!

How are ice-hockey players paid? 

With a massive check!

Did you hear about the ghostbuster who played hockey?

He is great at blocking ghouls!

A cat and a ghost

Why was the hockey player arrested and taken to jail? 

He shot a goal!

What position would Luke Skywalker play if he was on the Rebel Alliance hockey team? 

The X Wing!

What does a hockey forward say on Halloween? 

Hat Trick or Treat! 

What do you call a rapper playing hockey? 

Scoop Dogg!

Why do field hockey players sweat? 

They don't have many fans! 

Which hockey position did the ghost play? 


Why does the ice-hockey rink melt after the game? 

All the fans left!

Where do ice-hockey players get their uniforms?

New Jersey!

Heard about the professional ice hockey player who switched his profession to go into marketing? 

He got an off-ice job!

Have you seen the ice-hockey player who visited the bank?

He said he wanted to give out some checks!

A man with a silly amount of cash

What made the short-tempered coach of the hockey team so frustrated when he opened his email? 

He had so many forwards!

Why did the hockey player bring an extra pair of shoelaces?

Because she wanted to tie the score!

What do a dentist and a hockey coach have in common? 

They both use drills! 

How do you remember what to hit a hockey ball with?

It just sticks!

What do a dentist and a hockey coach have in common? 

They both use painful drills! 

What does a good hockey forward have in common with a magician? 

Hat tricks.

What did the goalie say to the ball? 

Catch ya later!

Why couldn't Cinderella be on the field hockey team? 

Because she always ran away from the ball!