Skip to main content

Onion Jokes

These onion gags are so funny they'll bring a tear to your eye! Check 'em out!

Do these onion jokes leave a funny taste in your mouth? Don’t get in a pickle – try out these food jokes, broccoli jokes, or even these Minecraft jokes! You know, for something a bit less veg-y.

Or… take our Joke Generator for a whirl and pick a gag at random! We’ve got more jokes than anybody could ever want, ever! Phew!

Where did the onion find his family history?

In the archives!

What do you call an onion that won’t hold water?

A leek!

What do you call a word that sounds like an onion?

An oniomatopoeia!

How do you propose to an onion?

With an onion ring!

Doctor Doctor I have an onion stuck in my nose!

You need start eating more sensibly!

What do you call a Hobbit with a healthy appetite?

Lord of the Onion Rings!

What did Gandalf say when an onion tried to cross the bridge?

You shallot pass!

Why do onions lock their doors when they study?

To make sure they’re onionterrupted!

Is that an onion singing a Bee Gees song?

Nope – it’s just chive talking!

What did the spring onions call their hip hop band?

The Little Rap Scallions!

What do you call a pogo stick made of veg?

A spring onion!

What’s small, round, and giggles a lot?

A tickled onion!

I asked my nurse if she had something for my liver…

She gave me a bag of onions!

What’s white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?

A hot frog!

What do you get if you eat beans with onions?

Teargas!

A chef asked me to check the balance of the chilli and onion in a soup…

…so I pushed it over!

Why was princess Fiona so bad at basketball?

Because she had an onion for a coach!

What did Shrek propose to Fiona with?

An onion ring!

What do you call an onion’s more fun cousin?

Funions!

What do hedgehogs eat?

Prickled onions!

More Stuff