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20 Queen Jokes To Rule The Playground!

Welcome to the palace of classic royal one-liners!

Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  November 9th 2021

Queen Elizabeth II is on British money, stamps, tea towels and even the telly on Christmas Day. She can now add the Beano joke section to her list of awesome achievements.

We’ve got plenty more where these came from – we’ve got English jokes, geography gags or even a load of history jokes!

For more comedy inspiration, check out the great joke generator

Why does the Queen avoid going to coffee shops?

They don't serve royal-tea!

What do you call the Queen when she's up a ladder?

Your Highness!

What did the Queen say when she knighted a cow?

Arise, Sir Loin!

What happened when the Queen's mirror was stolen?

Police said they'd look into it!

What did the Queen say when someone took her glass of milk?

How dairy!

How does a bee annoy its queen?

By mis-bee-having!

Why is the Queen just 12 inches tall?

Because she's a ruler!

Where does the Queen keep her armies?

Up her sleevies!

Why does the Queen need an anorak?

Because she's the reigning monarch!

When is a piece of wood like a queen?

When it's a ruler!

What is the first thing a queen does when she comes to the throne?

Has a sit down!

What has six legs, four ears and a suit of armour?

The Queen on a horse!

Where did the Queen get crowned?

On her head!

Why are there so many chairs in Buckingham Palace?

They never get throne out!

Why did the Queen go to the dentist?

She wanted to have her teeth crowned!

What does the queen do when she burps?

She issues a royal pardon!

Why is Britain so wet?

Because the Queen has reigned for years!

An umbrella

What do you get when a queen farts?

A noble gas!

A scientist

How does a cow address the Queen?

Your moo-jesty!

What hot drink does the Queen prefer?

Royal tea!