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Zoo Jokes

These zany zoo jokes are hilarious! Check out these zoo-LOL-gical jokes and have a wild time!

These zany zoo jokes are hilarious! For more really wild laughs, we’ve got some super slow sloth jokes, some laugh out loud lion jokes, and these bat jokes will leave your friends hanging!

And check out our jokes generator for more fantastic jokes!

What does a French beaver call her home?

Ma’Dame!

Knock knock! Who’s there? Beaver! Beaver who?

Be-ver-y quiet, I’m hiding!

Why don’t you ever find beavers at sea?

They don’t have much gnaw-tical experience!

Why did the beaver get in trouble?

Illegal streaming!

Why was the beaver so chill?

He was just going with the flow

What did the river say to the beaver?

Nothing, it just waved!

Why was the beaver too cool for the river?

It was too main stream

How does a beaver get online?

He logs in!

What’s a beaver’s favourite food?

Wood chips!

I keep mistaking beavers for other river mammals

I otter know better!

Where do beavers keep their money?

In the river bank!

What’s a beaver’s favourite rap artist?

Timber-land!

What does beaver chili taste like?

Like a normal chili, but a little otter!

A beaver walks into a bar and says

‘Excuse me, is the bar tender here?’

What did the beaver say to the tree?

It’s been nice gnawing you!

What did the beaver say when it saw it’s home on fire?

Hot dam!

Who is the most popular popstar in the woods?

Justin Beaver!

Why was the little beaver sent to bed early?

Because it had been gnaw-ty!

Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?

It was on shale!

Why was the geologist so calm?

She was very down to earth!

What’s a geologist’s favourite ice cream flavour?

Rock erode!

When was the best time to be a geologist?

During the stone age!

Mountains aren’t funny…

They’re hill-areas!

What do you call a fake Irish stone?

A sham rock!

Why wasn’t the geologist hungry?

They had lost their apatite!

Why did the sand do so badly in geology?

It’s grades were below sea level!

Why can you always trust a geologist to have rocks?

They can always dig something up!

Why did the geologist want to be more confident?

He wanted to be boulder!

Why did the rock keep crying?

It was very sedimental!

What did one volcano say to the other?

‘I lava you!’

What is a rock’s favourite fruit?

Poma-granite!

Where do geologists like to relax?

In rocking chairs!

What’s a geologist’s favourite band?

The Rolling Stones!

Why are geologists so cautious?

They take nothing for granite!

Why is magma so trendy?

It was lava before it was cool!

Geologists aren’t perfect…

They all have their faults!

What did one tectonic plate say to the other?

‘There’s too much friction between us!’

Geology is my favourite subject

It rocks!

What sort of phones do they have in dungeons?

Cell phones!

What sort of phone doesn’t have a doorbell?

A Nokia!

Did you hear about the phones who got married?

The ceremony was boring but the reception was great!

Why did the Italian have such a high phone bill?

He was always Roman!

What sort of phones do Adam and Eve have?

Apple!

I love my camera phone…

I just can’t picture myself without it!

What do you call a phone made out of dumplings?

A gnocchia!

Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?

In case Mr. Onion Rings!

What do you get if you cross an iron and a phone?

A smooth operator!

What’s a mobile’s favourite Christmas movie?

Phone Alone!

How does a phone propose?

With a ring!

What noise does a bird’s phone make?

‘Wing wing!’

How does a crab answer the phone?

‘Shello?’

Did you hear about the phone who’s car wouldn’t work?

It was a communication breakdown!

Why didn’t the skeleton have a phone?

He had no body to talk to!

Why was the phone wearing glasses?

It had lost its contacts!

What does a phone do when it wants to sleep?

It downloads a nap!

What happens when a phone looses a tooth?

The Bluetooth fairy gives it some money!

What phone network do they use in Star Wars?

Yodaphone!

What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad!

Why did the leopard hate playing hide and seek?

He was always spotted!

What starts with an E, ends with an E, and only has one letter in it?

An envelope!

How does a cow count?

With a cowculator!

Can February March?

No, but April May!

Why does Humpty Dumpty love Autumn?

Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall!

Which dinosaur knows the most words?

A Thesaurus!

Why doesn’t Shakespeare use pencils?

He never knows whether to use 2B or not 2B!

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause

Which word becomes shorter after you add two letters to it?

Short!

A man just threw milk, butter and cream at me!

How dairy

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. 

Things got a bit tense.

Have you ever tried writing with a broken pencil?

It’s pointless!

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Cokey

Don’t worry, I turned myself around.

Police have arrested the World Tongue-Twister Champion.

She’s going to get a really tough sentence

I love wordplay

A good pun is its own reword

Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

What do computers snack on?

Microchips!

Why did the pig leave the party early?

He was being a boar!

What do you call a naughty egg?

A practical yolker!

What do you call it when it’s raining ducks and geese?

Fowl geese!

What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs?

A cloud!

Did you hear the story about the tornado?

There was a twist at the end!

Why didn’t the lightning take part in the storm?

It was on strike!

How do you catch a fish in a thunderstorm?

With a lightning rod!

What did the thunder say to the lightning?

You’re shocking!

How does the rain tie its shoes?

With a rainbow!

Why does Loki hate Thor?

Because he stole his thunder!

What’s a tornado’s favourite game?

Twister!

What happens when a turtle gets struck by lightning?

It gets shell shocked!

What do you call thunder and lightning in a teapot?

A storm brewing!

How do you fix a cloud?

With lightning bolts!

What do clouds wear during storms?

Thunderwear!

What falls all the time and never gets hurt?

Rain!

What’s the queen’s favourite thing about storms?

Reign!

Why do owls hate wet weather?

It’s too wet to woo!

Which animal loves storms?

Rain-deer!

What’s a cake’s favourite type of rain?

Lemon drizzle!

What do you call a bear in a storm?

A drizzly bear!

Why can’t hurricanes see very well?

Because they only have one eye!

What’s yellow on the outside and green on the inside?

A cucumber disguised as a banana!

Sure, mushrooms are fungis…

But they’ll never be as cool as a cucumber!

Where do cucumbers go on dates?

The salad bar!

What’s green and red all over?

A cucumber with sunburn!

What’s long and blue?

A cucumber holding its breath!

What do chefs use to play snooker?

Cue-cumbers!

What did the pickle say to the cucumber?

Come on in the water’s brine!

What do you call lots of cucumbers in a line?

Queue-cumbers!

What’s cold, green and hangs from the roof?

An ice-pickle!

Why was the tomato round and red?

Because if it was long and green it would be a cucumber!

What are cucumbers so confident?

They’re kind of a big dill!

What did the worm say when he got lost in the salad?

‘I’m in a bit of a pickle!’

What’s the most adorable vegetable?

A cute-cumber!

What woodwind instrument do cucumbers play?

A pickle-o!

Why are cucumbers so cool about everything?

They just dill with it!

How does a cucumber become a pickle?

It goes through a jarring experience!

What’s crunchy, green and lives in an aquarium?

A trop-pickle fish!

Why did the cucumber blush?

It saw the salad dressing!

Why do cucumbers giggle?

Because they’re picklish!

Why did the cucumber cross the road?

Because it was green!

Who’s the ditziest animal in the zoo?

The Giraffe – he always has his head in the clouds!

What’s a polar bear’s favourite food?

Ice-burgers!

What’s a monkey’s favourite Christmas song?

Jungle bells!

Who’s the best at maths in the zoo?

The adder!

What does the elephant keeper wear at the beach?

Swimming trunks!

Why did the hyena sit in the shade?

He didn’t want to be a hot dog!

What kind of socks do pandas wear?

They don’t, they have bear feet!

Why are leopards bad at hide and seek?

They’re always spotted!

Why are tigers bad at story telling?

They only have one tail!

What happened when 100 hares escaped from the zoo?

Police had to comb the area!

Why should you never play cards in the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

What do you call a crying camel?

A humpback wail!

What does a snake keeper have on his car?

Windshield vipers!

Why was the cow scared?

She was a cow-herd!

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that’s a hardware problem!

There are 10 types of people in the world

Those who understand binary, and those who don’t

My dog ate my computer science project

It only took him a few bytes!

I don’t talk about computer science at home

It makes my mother board!

I don’t like computer science jokes

Not one bit!

Why couldn’t the computer science student read his text book?

He couldn’t find page 404!

What do you get if you cross computer science with a pond?

Algae-rhythms!

Which farm animal likes computing the best?

The RAM!

Why was the computer programmer fired from MI5?

He couldn’t hack it!

Why should you be scared of computers?

They byte!

Where do computer programmers go for fun?

The disc-o!

Why do computer scientists prefer the metric system?

They are all pro-gram-ers!

What’s a computer scientist’s favourite type of coffee?

Java!

What does a baby computer call its dad?

‘Data!’

What’s a computer programmer’s house made of?

Firewalls!

Why did the computer programmer quit?

He didn’t get arrays!

I could tell you a joke about UDP

But I don’t know if you’d get it

Who’s a computer scientist’s favourite Star Wars character?

Adobe Wan Kenobi!

What kind of money do computer scientists use?

Cache!

Why was the computer scientist bad at driving?

They kept crashing!

Why are cats so good at video games?

Two brown hedgehogs squaring up to each other

Because they have nine lives!

What’s the best kind of pan to make sushi in?

Japan!

What is a cat’s favorite sushi roll?

Ginger cat grinning

Tempurrrra!

Why did the sushi roll’s guitar sound bad?

They didn’t have a tuna!

Why don’t Wookiees like sushi?

It’s a bit Chewie!

Why did crab never share his sushi?

He was shellfish!

What did the shark say to the plate of sushi?

A human hand touching the head of a shark

Pleased to eat you!

What is a gymnast’s favourite type of sushi?

A forward roll!

Why did the sushi chef get an award?

A chef

They always made a rice job of their dishes!

At what age did the world’s greatest sushi chef begin their training?

Tuna half!

What do cats call an aquarium?

Two grinning cats on a blue spotted background

A sushi bar!

What do you call sushi with a tie? 

So-fish-ticated!

Why did the duck say bang? 

Mallard duck sitting on a silver plate held by a waiter

Because they wanted a firequacker roll!

I asked my mum to buy me some raw fish for tea…

Sushi did!

What type of sushi is made of sponge cake and jam?

A Swiss roll!

What did the sushi say to the bee? 

A grinning sushi and a black and yellow bee

Wassabee! 

What car did the successful sushi chef buy?

A Rolls-Rice!

I had to send my sushi back the other day…

They hadn’t even cooked it!

Why do lions love sushi?

Aslan the lion

Because it’s roar!

What do you call an expensive sushi? 

A raw deal!

What type of sushi does Lady Gaga like?

Raw raw raw raw raw!

How did the watermelon farmer feel after winning the lottery?

Red tractor and a brown cow

Like a melon bucks!

What do you get if you slice a watermelon into 4 pieces?

A quarter-melon!

What’s a postman’s favourite fruit?

Water-mail-on!

What do trains and bicycles have in common?

You can’t get watermelon juice out of either of them!

Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?

Because she wanted to be a watermelon!

How do you get water into a watermelon?

You plant it…in the spring!

Watermelon is 50% water

The other 50% is melon!

What did the pineapple say to the salad?

Laughing pineapple and lettuce

Lettuce be friends!

How do you make a salad very cold?

Use iceberg lettuce!

What did one snowman say to the other?

Can you smell carrots?

Why was the salad wearing a cowboy outfit?

It was trying out the ranch dressing.

What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato while out for a walk?

Ketchup!

What vegetables are sailor’s enemies?

Leeks!

What did the salad say to the chef? 

A chef

Lettuce go!

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing! 

Why was making a chicken salad a waste of time?

They don’t like salad!

What do you call a chicken looking at a salad?

Funny chicken
Funny chicken

A chicken Caesar salad!

Why did the watermelons ask for permission to get married?

Because they canteloupe!

What do you call a Mailman who only delivers watermelon?

Post Melone!

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

Peas go on a date with me!

What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?

Pork rinds!

What type of leaf vegetable can go to the moon?

Rocket!

What floats around the Artic sinking ships?

Iceberg lettuce!

Why are watermelons the saddest fruit?

They’re melon-choly!

What do you call an onion that won’t hold water?

Leek!

What’s red and invisible?

No tomatoes!

Why are watermelons so good at gossiping?

They have all the juice!

What do you call an onion’s more fun cousin?

Funions!

Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?

They’re always melon it over!

What’s a vegetable’s favourite martial art?

Carrotee!

What do you call a type of fruit that robs banks?

A waterfelon!

What do lettuce use to mend clothes?

Vegetable patches!

Why did the puny lettuce go to the gym?

It wanted to get shredded!

What do you call a dog that herds watermelons?

A melon collie!

When do you go at red and stop at green?

When you’re eating watermelon!

What vegetable is only slightly cool?

A rad-ish!

Did you hear about the guy who smashed up loads of fruits?

It was a slaughter melon!

Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in Eastenders?

They were so melon-dramatic!

What did the apple write on his Valentine’s card?

You’re one in a melon!

I’d love to go to Holland one day…

A pair of Dutch wooden clogs, a laughing chicken and a pigeon

…Wooden shoe?

Why are mountains the funniest place to travel to?

Because they’re hill areas!

Why do trains hum?

Because they don’t know the words!

Where do bees go on their holidays?

A grinning bee wearing green sunglasses

Stingapore!

Why do witches stay in 5 star hotels?

Because of the excellent broom service!

How do you know if an elephant loves to travel?

Elephant inside a royal suite

She always packs her trunk!

Where do sharks go on holiday?

Finland!

Where do sheep go on vacation?

The baaaa-haamas!

Where do pepperonis go on holiday?

The Leaning Tower of Pizza!

Where does a cow stay when it’s on vacation?

A mooooo-tel!

Why didn’t Mr Krabs invite Spongebob on holiday?

Because he’s totally shellfish!

Where do cows go on vacation?

Cow

Moo York!

I saw a policewoman wearing a pilot’s uniform

She was a plane clothes police officer!

What do you call a plane that flies backwards?

A receding airline!

I threw my phone from the roof, and it broke

Aeroplane mode must’ve been switched off!

What do aeroplane builders think of their job?

It’s riveting!

What happens if you wear a watch on a plane?

Time flies!

What do you get if you cross a snake and a plane?

A grinning cow and a blue snake wrapped around a tree branch

A Boeing Constrictor!

My friend started a business selling aeroplanes.

It’s really starting to take off!

Did you hear about the bad plane joke?

It didn’t land!

What do we want? Low-flying planes! When do we want them?

Nyeeeeeeooooow!

Where does a mountain climber keep his plane?

In a cliff-hangar!

Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?

Nah, I just can’t see them taking off!

What do you call a flying primate?

A hot air baboon!

Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane?

A laughing black cat and a grinning tabby cat

It was overbooked!

What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport?

A smiling chocolate cake that is wearing sunglasses

Plane chocolate!

How do rabbits travel?

By Hare-oplane!

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.

I lost my case!

What happens when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?

You get pi in the sky!

Why couldn’t student get the joke about pi?

They kept missing the point!

My idea for a character called 3.14 Face was rejected by Beano!

They said they already have a Pieface!

My pet snake is exactly 3.14m long…

Its a π-thon!

Why can’t you make a crumble with 3.14 strawberries?

Strawberry jokes
Strawberry jokes

Because that would be pi!

What do you call a maths teacher who leads a group of rats out of your town?

A rat on some floorboards

The Pi Piper!

What is 1.57?

Half a pie!

What is the longest snake in the world?

A pi-thon!

What did Sir Isaac Newton choose for his dessert?

A pile of apples

Apple pi!

What’s the worst thing about getting hit in the face with a pi?

It never ends!

Why shouldn’t you eat too much pi?

You’ll get a large circumference!

What is a nerd’s favourite Halloween dessert?

Evil Halloween pumpkin

Pumpkin pi!

What do you call a group of sheep standing in a circle?

Grinning farmer

Shepherd’s pi!

Why do circles burn?

Because they’re always 360 degrees!

Why did pi have a skateboarding accident?

It just didn’t know when to stop!

Who invented the Round Table?

Sir Cumference!

Why should you never start a conversation with pi?

A yawning woman

They go on forever!

What are 3.14% of sailors?

FIsherman holding a lobster

Pi-rates!

How many bakers does it take to make a pie?

3.14!

What is a mathematician’s favourite day of the week?

Grammar jokes

Pi-day!

Why are bones so calm?

Nothing gets under their skin!

Which plant is made of tiny little skeletons?

A green tree

A bone-sai tree!

Why is a ribcage like a window?

Laughing skeleton

You can see right through them!

What instrument did the skeleton play at the concert?

The trom-bone!

What do old skeletons complain about the most?

Smiling skull

Aching bones!

What do you call a skeleton with no friends?

A smiling skeleton

Bonely!

Did you hear of the film about a broken arm?

It has an amazing cast!

What’s a skeleton’s favourite place to buy soap?

The Body Shop!

What is a a skeletons favourite musical instrument?

Somebody playing a saxophone

A saxo-bone!

Why did the skeleton eat constantly?

Laughing skeleton holding a huge hamburger

They never felt full!

How do you stop a skeleton telling jokes?

Skeleton jokes thumbnail
Skeleton jokes thumbnail

Take away their funny bone!

What do you call Napoleon when he breaks a bone?

Napoleon Bone-apart!

What unit is used to weigh bones?

Skele-tons!

What do you get if you boil a funny bone?

A chef

Laughing stock!

Did you hear about the elbow who did stand up comedy?

They were humerus!

What do you call a skeleton who can’t get out of bed?

Lazy bones!

Where did the skeleton keep his pet parrot?

In their rib cage!

What did the skeleton wear to the Halloween party?

Smiling skeleton in front of a black and red background

A human costume!

How did the skeleton know there was going to be a rain storm?

They could feel it in their bones!

Why did the skeleton refuse to go on the rollercoaster?

Grinning skeleton with two slices of cucumber on their eyes

They didn’t have the guts for it!

Did you hear about the man who got ill from eating a horse burger?

He’s in a stable condition!

Where do burgers go to dance?

The meatball!

What was Shakespearae’s favourite burger?

The McBeth!

Have you heard about the new Wookie burger?

Its a bit Chewie!

Have you seen the new fish burger from McDonald’s?

Goldfish looking at a laptop with a picture of a fish on the screen

It’s called the McKerel!

Where do monkeys go to get their fast food?

A smiling monkey

Burger Kong!

What is a burger’s favorite day?

Fry-day!

A cheese burger walks in to a bar…

“Sorry! We don’t serve food in here!”

What do bees eat for lunch?

A grinning bee wearing green sunglasses

HUMburgers!

I just saw James Bond making burgers!

Turns out he has a licence to grill!

What type of burger isn’t allowed on the titanic?

Ice burgers!

How did the burger introduce his new girlfriend?

Meet Patty, everyone!

Where did the wizard bacon go to school?

Hog-warts!

What does a pig say on a hot day?

A laughing rasher of bacon

I’m bacon!

What did the bacon do after school?

Their ham-work!

How did the bacon go to the hospital?

In a ham-bulance!

What did the farmer say to the selfish pig?

Bacon-siderate!

How is bacon like southern Europe? 

It’s got a lot of Greece in it!

Why did the bacon buy a suit?

They wanted to look pretty crisp!

Why did the slice of bacon laugh?

Because an egg cracked a yolk!

What time does bacon go to bed?

Swine o’ clock!