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20 Bed Jokes To Wake You Up!

You won't be able to snooze through these horizontally hilarious jokes!

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Beano Jokes Team
Last Updated:  August 9th 2023

Rise and shine, sleepyhead! You'll want to be awake and sitting up in bed for these hilarious (and comfy!) bed jokes! Pile up some pillows and snuggle up, and prepare for laughs! And stick around afterwards - we've got more laughs in store! Do you love furniture and applicance jokes? Well, you're in luck! Here are some toilet jokes, air fryer jokes, fridge jokes and Ikea jokes!

Where do roses sleep?

In a flower bed!

Why did the lawyer take a briefcase to bed?

To rest his case!

What do you call a policeman in bed?

An undercover cop!

I just bought a waterbed…

I wanted to splash out!

I started sleeping on the left side of the bed…

It just doesn’t feel right!

What do you call a bed passed down through the family?

An heir mattress!

Why should you never share a bed with a pig?

They hog the covers!

Why was Simba always the last in the pride to get out of bed?

He was the lie-in king!

How can you tell if an elephant is under your bed?

Your nose is touching the ceiling!

Which animal wears shoes to bed?

A horse!

How do you make a snowman’s bed?

Fresh sheets of ice and a blanket of snow!

Why did the broom go to bed?

He was getting sweepy!

Did you hear about the man who replaced his bed with a trampoline?

His wife hit the roof!

“Doctor, doctor, I just can’t seem to fall asleep!”

“Sleep on the edge of the bed, you’ll soon drop off!”

Did you hear the one about the bed?

I can’t tell you, it hasn’t been made yet!

Why did the bicycle go to bed early?

Because it was two-tyred!

When is a bed at its longest?

At night, when two feet are added to it!

What’s the biggest bed in the world?

The sea bed!

What do tall people do in bed?

Sleep longer!

I’m not going to lie…

My bed is broken!